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There are plenty of couples that live together for years before tying the knot. There are others who may date for a couple of years, then have a long engagement, like for another two years. It's wise not to rush into the biggest decision of your life, especially since it affects TWO people, not just you.
I'm actually in favor of long engagements. Gives your mate the chance to "take you for granted" so you can get to know the real them, eh?
I'm not saying it is 100% better than today but you didn't have a bunch of people hopping in the bed, making a relationship without getting to know each other and getting married/divorced within the same year. There is something missing with these relationships now a days. That's why people's relationships fall apart so quickly because most of them are not based on anything other than sex, lack of desire to be alone (aka comfortable with yourself), coupled with unrealistic expectations because so many people have never even witnessed a healthy 2 parent relationship growing up.
While the past was not perfect modern dating/relationships do need an overhaul.
I think what you're saying was much more the case in the past. The difference is that people didn't get divorced. They suffered through it.
Again, read a history book. Women have it so much better today than in any time in history and I don't think many would give it all up for this magical past you speak of, which is simply not true.
Women suffered in their marriages. They died in childbirth, they suffered at the hands of cruel and violent men, they were subjugated, had no property rights, no legal rights, couldn't work, did not have their own money. How was any of this good for a relationship? It was great for men, that's it.
Really, what does one learn about one's fiance during a long engagement that one didn't know after the first year to 18 months of the relationship? Every marriage issue my husband and I have encountered could have been predicted by either of us within the 1st year of dating. Probably less.
Really, what does one learn about one's fiance during a long engagement that one didn't know after the first year to 18 months of the relationship? Every marriage issue my husband and I have encountered could have been predicted by either of us within the 1st year of dating. Probably less.
IIRC most divorces occur within the first 3 years of marriage. What a person is willing to put up with in the first 6 months to 1 year of a relationship may change 2-3 years down the road. That was always the case in my relationships. Break-ups normally occurred at the 2 year mark rather than the 2 month mark. A long engagement was the natural progression. As far as what you learn goes, well, all kinds of things. How well he does in long term commitments (job, school, friendships), spending, saving, and investment habits; his family, how he deals with crisis, etc. Maybe you could pack all that into one year. I never managed it.
I don't know, maybe our faults were so glaring that they were immediately obvious. I think each of us was able to predict the not-always-pretty reactions the other would display in the circumstances you describe. Although we did overestimate our own and on another's ability to change. Regardless, we just celebrated our 6th anniversary and look forward to many more, God willing.
because men never tried to act like they aren't all about sex, the underlying theme of this thread is about men NOT wanting to settle down with 1 woman because they can be having sex with multiple women.- women to this day for reasons i dont understand try to portray themselves as disinterested in sex, or only concerned with 'true love' and having sex only when they're deep in love, when reality is women and men are both driven by their natural urge to have spectacular sex.
men don't hide this fact. a man won't approach a beautiful woman he doesnt know because he wants to appreciate her personality and find true love. he wants her sex.
its time women stop feeling guilty about their cravings.
not reading 17 pages worth of posts are u kidding.. but i've read women's reaction to me saying women will and do share themselves amongst men- their reactions being "omg you're disgusting nobody does that" or "i have never and neither have my friends. i love my bf/husband!"
it's like this concept of women sharing themselves is some outrageous/impossible thing that doesnt exist in nature. a woman will share herself as she sees fit, and i have no problem with that.
I don't know, maybe our faults were so glaring that they were immediately obvious. I think each of us was able to predict the not-always-pretty reactions the other would display in the circumstances you describe. Although we did overestimate our own and on another's ability to change. Regardless, we just celebrated our 6th anniversary and look forward to many more, God willing.
Good luck to both of you. It seems like it's working for you, so that's what matters.
Quote:
Originally Posted by expect
not reading 17 pages worth of posts are u kidding.. but i've read women's reaction to me saying women will and do share themselves amongst men- their reactions being "omg you're disgusting nobody does that" or "i have never and neither have my friends. i love my bf/husband!"
it's like this concept of women sharing themselves is some outrageous/impossible thing that doesnt exist in nature. a woman will share herself as she sees fit, and i have no problem with that.
Mod cut: Personal attack.
Last edited by PJSaturn; 05-28-2012 at 09:44 PM..
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