Can't have it both ways (sex + good wife) (marry, men, love)
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I've come to the conclusion that the types of women who make a good wife are generally relatively boring and/or stingy lovers with lower than average libidos.
Ok, here's a thread on a good wife. Last week, there was a thread "NFL players and great wives." Please define "good wife/great wife" as a baseline.
I've seen CAPs (Catholic American Princesses) that were this way. Whether or not they would have been "good wives," the preview didn't warrant wanting to stick around to find out.
Last edited by robertpolyglot; 04-23-2012 at 12:45 PM..
JJ, you are so right. You and I both know it's so possible to have both.
It's many times not the women who lack the fire, it's the men who don't know how to light the flame.
It is so very possible to have it all. I know.
Definitely true, and my husband knows how to light my flame. I'm going to give the OP the benefit of the doubt, since I assume by his post and talk of counseling that he is TRYING.
That said, most women have SOMETHING that gets her going. I have a friend, however, who suffers from low libido and has found that absolutely nothing she or her husband does gets her going. So it is possible that the OP's wife has little/no sex drive at all.
Is it possible the problem is ME and my lack of skill as a lover? Maybe, but I don't think so, and here's why:
-when we first started dating, she told me she had NEVER (at age 29) experienced an orgasm in her life. She made it sound, however, that she enjoyed the intimacy and closeness of sex. Perhaps I thoguht I would be a better lover (in my typical male ego-driven opinion of my sexual prowess, ha ha ha) and could change her.
-other women I've been with have been sexually satisfied, and even those that didn't have super high libidos at least let me do what was necessary to get them in the mood, etc. My wife, on the other hand, explicitly avoids situations that lead to sex.
-my wife has been very unwilling to say much of anything about sex as far as what satisfies her and doesn't, and only grudgingly gave the "never had much pleasure or desire" statement after our counselor spent a lot of time on it (the counseling was my decision, not hers, but she agreed rather easily).
-I attempt to do various things to get her flame lit (as one poster said), its like trying to ignite a chunk of cement with a blowtorch.
As far as being dumped when they got bored, well, it usually came more from my desire to settle down, and their desire to party, smoke, and drink.
If the problem is me, then why does she refuse to even attempt to tell me what I'm doing wrong and what I should be doing? Am I supposed to read her mind? It's not for lack of trying! I try to set up weekend getaways, dancing, romance her, tell her how sexy and beautiful she is, and that I can't wait to get home to her...nada, zip, zilch.
The fact that your wife dosent want to have sex with you and other women you dated got bored or went else where for sex would indicated to me that the problem may be you. As rankin said, some men just dont know how to light the flame, or keep it burning.
Take her out of town for the weekend. Get away from the local stress, kids and have a nice relaxing weekend.
Then talk to her. Tell her that you both have a problem and you need help understanding. Not sure how old you are but have you both had a physical and hormones tested ? Both women and men have levels of testosterone and when the levels drop so does desire.
Talk & Communicate. Find out what is wrong in your relationship.
Ask and you might receive but don't judge or be critical. It's your problem as a couple not her or your problem.
Would have to ask their husbands if they agree that their wife has a high libido. It would be like men proclaiming that they are romantic and sweet but ask their wives and see what they say about it.
Married women not having sex once married seems to be common. There has even been quite a couple of threads as of lately about it. But there may be some married women out there of course who do like to have sex as much as their husband and will do what it takes to do it. Hey, when you like something you don’t find excuses to NOT do it, right?
I think most women who have a libido that is low to moderate at least know that sex is fun once they get going, so they might be going with the flow while not in the mood, but then yeah, they have fun as they get their motor running.
DW isn't working that way. Her "motor" seems to be out of fuel, and her fuel isn't made anymore. Or never was.
-when we first started dating, she told me she had NEVER (at age 29) experienced an orgasm in her life.
THIS is your (her) problem. If you two can figure out how to correct this, she will want to have sex with you, but to be honest, if she hasn't sought individual help to figure out what her problem is with intimacy, she may never.
I cant imagine going through life like this. She has to explore herself and get familiar with her body and what works for her. If she can't agree to do so, she will remain frigid and I wouldn't blame you (or any man) for leaving her. I'm assuming this poor women has never pleasured herself as well?
THIS is your (her) problem. If you two can figure out how to correct this, she will want to have sex with you, but to be honest, if she hasn't sought individual help to figure out what her problem is with intimacy, she may never.
I cant imagine going through life like this. She has to explore herself and get familiar with her body and what works for her. If she can't agree to do so, she will remain frigid and I wouldn't blame you (or any man) for leaving her. I'm assuming this poor women has never pleasured herself as well?
I'd suggest a hormone test as I think someone else already did, but from the way the OP puts it, she might not agree to one.
Perhaps suggesting it WHILE in counseling would help??
ImhO, part of the marriage contract is sex. Someone who says they don't care for sex is in essence saying, I don't like sex with you. If her claim is that she has no interest in sex whatsoever, you might inquire why she even wants to be married?, since sex is certainly part of the marriage contract. I'd say its time for some very honest converstations.
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