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Location: The western periphery of Terra Australis
24,544 posts, read 56,047,835 times
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I don't know if I'm accurate, but it seems to be it is almost expected that after two people who have been in a serious relationship break up, they do not remain friends. They may drift apart, hate each other, be indifferent, or be on congenial terms, but it seems it's not really conventional for them to remain really good friends afterwards.
Does this vary if the two people were good friends BEFORE they became romantic? Versus if they were only ever romantic together.
I mean sure it does happen, but is there something about being in a relationship that ruins a friendship?
I don't really see why it has to.
Yes I have much to learn, but please don't refer to me personally. I just want to talk in general.
Just a lot of leftover sentiment for the other side, I guess? Good or bad. A lot of breakups aren't exactly amicable, they result in anger or sadness or jealousy for a lot of people, even if whatever caused the breakup wasn't exactly an emotional thing.
What I've noticed is that people who were good friends before they became romantic seem to stand less of a chance of remaining friends afterwards, rather than people who sorta started "cold" in their relationship and got to know each other better the longer they've been together.
Leftover feelings can be powerful. Even if the breakup was somewhat amicable, a lot of sadness or resentment can be hidden from the other person. I don't really understand exactly WHY breakups happen this way, it's just my experience and observations of others.
have you ever had to be around your love after a break up? its painful and makes you want to die. this is why I don't remain friends with exes..it just prolongs the healing process. I think the best way to be friends is to have no contact for a couple years and then once feelings have subsided, then try to be friends, but only friends. Even that seems risky too though.
Location: The western periphery of Terra Australis
24,544 posts, read 56,047,835 times
Reputation: 11862
Quote:
Originally Posted by mir86
have you ever had to be around your love after a break up? its painful and makes you want to die. this is why I don't remain friends with exes..it just prolongs the healing process. I think the best way to be friends is to have no contact for a couple years and then once feelings have subsided, then try to be friends, but only friends. Even that seems risky too though.
I've never been in a relationship. Never got past the 'friend stage.' There've been perhaps two or three women who have liked me, that I know of, in my entire life. I'm not ugly, out of shape or have a terrible personality, some have told me I'm quite attractive, just haven't managed to (a) find someone I was attracted to enough that I could spend any time with (haven't been attracted to anyone I've met online, I'm not that picky, at least where looks are concerned), (b) really 'come on' to a woman, or make a move so to speak.
I get what you're saying, though. But what of say amicable breakups? I wonder if there's truth in the idea that the stronger the love, the stronger the hate. Maybe friendship is easier if you were never that passionately close to begin with.
I get what you're saying, though. But what of say amicable breakups? I wonder if there's truth in the idea that the stronger the love, the stronger the hate. Maybe friendship is easier if you were never that passionately close to begin with.
In my situation, the stronger the love, yes, the stronger the hate was but I wouldn't call it hate. It was more of just anger because its hard to comprehend sometimes how things can go from such passion to such disaster. but yes, I feel that if there wasn't much passion to begin with, its easier to be friends..but that's me. I truly think those who are able to be friends with exes, never had such a strong passion to begin with.
I've never been in a relationship. Never got past the 'friend stage.' There've been perhaps two or three women who have liked me, that I know of, in my entire life. I'm not ugly, out of shape or have a terrible personality, some have told me I'm quite attractive, just haven't managed to (a) find someone I was attracted to enough that I could spend any time with (haven't been attracted to anyone I've met online, I'm not that picky, at least where looks are concerned), (b) really 'come on' to a woman, or make a move so to speak.
I get what you're saying, though. But what of say amicable breakups? I wonder if there's truth in the idea that the stronger the love, the stronger the hate. Maybe friendship is easier if you were never that passionately close to begin with.
Have you ever been into a woman, REALLY into a woman, and had her reject you? Hurt, didn't it?
Then, did you ever have to see firsthand or second hand that person hooking up with another dude? The ultimate in pain.
Same thing as when you break up with somebody. Sometimes it's OK to be around them if you still have feelings for them. You can even keep convincing yourself that you'll get back together. But once they get someone else ... then it gets ugly.
Location: The western periphery of Terra Australis
24,544 posts, read 56,047,835 times
Reputation: 11862
Quote:
Originally Posted by mir86
In my situation, the stronger the love, yes, the stronger the hate was but I wouldn't call it hate. It was more of just anger because its hard to comprehend sometimes how things can go from such passion to such disaster. but yes, I feel that if there wasn't much passion to begin with, its easier to be friends..but that's me. I truly think those who are able to be friends with exes, never had such a strong passion to begin with.
Was the anger directed at him, or yourself, or both? Or simply at the circumstances. The more I know about how people relate, the more I see how they are always 'falling out' with one another.
Location: The western periphery of Terra Australis
24,544 posts, read 56,047,835 times
Reputation: 11862
Quote:
Originally Posted by jobaba
Have you ever been into a woman, REALLY into a woman, and had her reject you? Hurt, didn't it?
Then, did you ever have to see firsthand or second hand that person hooking up with another dude? The ultimate in pain.
Same thing as when you break up with somebody. Sometimes it's OK to be around them if you still have feelings for them. You can even keep convincing yourself that you'll get back together. But once they get someone else ... then it gets ugly.
Yes I can imagine that...
I've never been rejected because I've never been in a position to try anything with a woman I've liked. Firstly 4 times out of 5 they aren't even single, and other than that I've never felt strongly enough about anybody to pursue anything.
I've never been rejected because I've never been in a position to try anything with a woman I've liked. Firstly 4 times out of 5 they aren't even single, and other than that I've never felt strongly enough about anybody to pursue anything.
Wow! How old are you?
Do anything you can to avoid serious heart wrenching rejection. Get coaching if you need to and learn to pick up on the girls who really like you. You are in a good spot.
Rejection has messed me up and jaded me badly. I don't wish it on anybody.
Was the anger directed at him, or yourself, or both? Or simply at the circumstances. The more I know about how people relate, the more I see how they are always 'falling out' with one another.
It was all of the above. However, I would fall in love like that all over again if I had the chance. I don't regret a thing. Regardless..its still best to have a clean break up with no contact for the sake of emotional health which then manifests physically. My mother accused me of anorexia because I lost so much weight so quickly from the anxiety of it all, and that experience taught me to just cut it off. It hurts at first but it makes it so much easier in the long run. But that was how it was for me. Everyone experiences grief over heartbreak very different from one another.
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