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No offense taken, of course. Don't get me wrong, I also wish things could be different, but they can't in these circumnstances. It's just a matter of understanding and accepting this.
I'm sorry, but I just don't understand this. I'm starting to wonder if you're just yanking chains with your posts.
NOTHING is keeping you from having a relationship with this girl. She knows you're a 41-year-old virgin and is still interested in you. Apparently she finds it intriguing. You could meet her for coffee and say, "let's be friends for now because I want to take things very slowly. As I told you, this is all new to me and I can't make any promises." She's an adult and can handle whatever happens.
Assuming you're telling the truth, there is no insurmountable barrier to pursuing something with this girl. All you have to do is text her.
I'm sorry, but I just don't understand this. I'm starting to wonder if you're just yanking chains with your posts.
NOTHING is keeping you from having a relationship with this girl. She knows you're a 41-year-old virgin and is still interested in you. Apparently she finds it intriguing. You could meet her for coffee and say, "let's be friends for now because I want to take things very slowly. As I told you, this is all new to me and I can't make any promises." She's an adult and can handle whatever happens.
Assuming you're telling the truth, there is no insurmountable barrier to pursuing something with this girl. All you have to do is text her.
This:
Quote:
Originally Posted by zentropa
I have decided that I agree with the OP and he should just close the door on women and relationships completely.
Someone with such a severe problem with intimacy will never be able to give a partner the attention, affection and emotional bonding that is required in a long-term, loving relationship. She will need things from him that he cannot give, and he will need nothing from her so she will feel devalued.
Eventually she will find herself lonely, neglected and depressed while he bangs away at himself night after night in front of the computer.
People with pathological intimacy problems do not change.
I may have hurt her but she'll eventually get over it, she's such a beautiful and intelligent woman, I'm sure there must be flocks of men running after her. Guys that know how to handle these things.
I'm sorry, but I just don't understand this. I'm starting to wonder if you're just yanking chains with your posts.
NOTHING is keeping you from having a relationship with this girl. She knows you're a 41-year-old virgin and is still interested in you. Apparently she finds it intriguing. You could meet her for coffee and say, "let's be friends for now because I want to take things very slowly. As I told you, this is all new to me and I can't make any promises." She's an adult and can handle whatever happens.
Assuming you're telling the truth, there is no insurmountable barrier to pursuing something with this girl. All you have to do is text her.
I agree 100% with this post. There is nothing holding him back except fear. Fear that he will mess up really badly or that she will laugh at him. It's like those people who have never gotten on the internet and think that it must be something otherworldly and so they never even try to learn. OP, you are hiding from women. Let me help you out a bit. If a woman wants it, say yes. If a woman likes it, stick around. If a woman doesn't like it, find another who will. If she wants you even after your pants have come off, then just let her lead and ask her what she wants from you. She is not going to run out of the room, like that other poster's friend who ran out of the room when she told him her age. I mean, wow, some CD members need to hook up with each other with their irrational fears.... Go out and live life a little. You and her might not make it through the night because she will probably decide that you are just no good in bed and will run off into the sunset looking for a man who will satisfy and make her feel like a porn star, lol! But at least you will wake up with a smile on your face and you can't take that back!
I'm not stupid. Everything is roses and cuddles in the beginning but we all know these times are short lived, and then the 'real relationship' begins and that's usually not very pretty.
I'm not stupid. Everything is roses and cuddles in the beginning but we all know these times are short lived, and then the 'real relationship' begins and that's usually not very pretty.
Well if that's how you feel about it. You're probably right, your attitude would create problems.
Last edited by temptation001; 05-13-2011 at 05:02 AM..
You can't force someone with lifelong intimacy issues to suddenly open up and feel an emotional bond with someone just because that someone loves them.
Do some research on children with attachment disorders to see what I mean.
You can't force someone with lifelong intimacy issues to suddenly open up and feel an emotional bond with someone just because that someone loves them.
Do some research on children with attachment disorders to see what I mean.
I'm not trying to force him to do anything. I was giving him some advice I thought would help, but if he does have these issues you speak of, then it was wrong to give him the advice I did before. Now that I realize he does have these issues, I withdraw.
I'm not trying to force him to do anything. I was giving him some advice I thought would help, but if he does have these issues you speak of, then it was wrong to give him the advice I did before. Now that I realize he does have these issues, I withdraw.
My post wasn't directed at you but those who believe that the love of a good woman will cure Jason of his pathology.
You can't force someone with lifelong intimacy issues to suddenly open up and feel an emotional bond with someone just because that someone loves them.
Do some research on children with attachment disorders to see what I mean.
You are most likely right about this. But my heart still goes out to the OP because he would not have gone out with the woman in the first place, or posted here for that matter, if he wasn't wishing for some sort of relationship.
Jason, since you agree with Zentropa, why don't you seek some counseling to help you think through these intimacy issues? You claim to be at peace with your situation, but your posts indicate otherwise.
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Go out and live life a little. You and her might not make it through the night because she will probably decide that you are just no good in bed and will run off into the sunset looking for a man who will satisfy and make her feel like a porn star, lol! But at least you will wake up with a smile on your face and you can't take that back!
