41 year old virgin and ruined a possible relationship (beautiful, problems, feelings)
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I had been seeing this woman for a while, she's really great, very good looking, funny, intelligent. It was our 5th date and I invited her to my house. We had a few drinks, saw some old pics, etc. She then started to touch me and kiss me in a way I knew would eventually lead to sex. When I was sure she intended to spend the night there I panicked for obvious reasons.
I told her to stop because I needed to tell her something. Then I said I had been enjoying the dates but that we weren't really fit for each other and perhaps we should stop going out together. I then showed her the door. I could see she was really surprised and disappointed and kept saying 'What did I do wrong? Do you expect me to believe it just like this?'. I told her I'm no good for her and that there are plenty of single men around who can make her happy.
I really ruined it. But I panicked seriously, I saw very embarrassing moments coming had I let things flow.
Should I try to reconnect with her? Sorry for bringing my personal drama here, but I can't speak about this with no one, for obvious reasons as well.
so the movie really isn't that far from the truth then is it?
Why ignore her? Maybe she wants to say something important? Go to coffee just this one last time and let her talk for once. After that, you can ignore her for another 41 years. I am curious to know what she wants to say.
Why ignore her? Maybe she wants to say something important? Go to coffee just this one last time and let her talk for once. After that, you can ignore her for another 41 years. I am curious to know what she wants to say.
I know she likes me a lot but meeting up with her again would be feeding her unrealistic hopes, and that's not fair to her.
I have decided that I agree with the OP and he should just close the door on women and relationships completely.
Someone with such a severe problem with intimacy will never be able to give a partner the attention, affection and emotional bonding that is required in a long-term, loving relationship. She will need things from him that he cannot give, and he will need nothing from her so she will feel devalued.
Eventually she will find herself lonely, neglected and depressed while he bangs away at himself night after night in front of the computer.
People with pathological intimacy problems do not change.
"Her unrealistic hopes"? Add vain to your list of qualities A bit presumptuous doncha think?
Yeah, as a friend likes to say, "don't flatter yourself." If he wants to be alone, fine, but the OP isn't such a special snowflake that his insecurities and baggage are any more of an obstacle to interpersonal relationships than anyone else's.
I took "unrealistic hopes" to mean her hopes that the OP would be her boyfriend or lover, which he is not willing to do at this time, maybe ever. I think that much is evident by her behavior so far--I don't think the OP is vain or flattering himself by saying so.
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But I panicked seriously, I saw very embarrassing moments coming had I let things flow.
A bit presumptuous doncha think?
