Etiquette questions in the bar (date, wife, married, woman)
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I went out with friends the other night to a bar/restaurant.
What do you do when you are married and a man sends a drink over? It was kind of awkward. The bar tender told us to accept the drinks with a "thank you" and that's all we had to do.
It still didn't feel right. I'm not much of a barfly...haven't been out like that in ages.
Were you with your spouse? If with him decline, unless it was from the owner (his way of saying thanks for being an attrtactive woman, patronizing my business). If you were with the gals, just accept, say thanks to the bartender but mention you are married.
I went out with friends the other night to a bar/restaurant.
What do you do when you are married and a man sends a drink over? It was kind of awkward. The bar tender told us to accept the drinks with a "thank you" and that's all we had to do.
It still didn't feel right. I'm not much of a barfly...haven't been out like that in ages.
What do you do?
The bartender should have asked you before bringing you the drink. If the offer made you uncomfortable, then you simply refuse the drink. No big deal. If he brought the drink w/o asking, then accepting the drink with a "thank you" is fine. Nothing more is needed.
The bartender was right. Back in the days of yore it happened to me a few times when I was out without my husband and I would handle it by raising the drink in my left hand in a "Cheers!" gesture and then pointing out my wedding band with my right index finger - all with a genuinely nice smile and a mouthed, "Thank you!" Never had a problem.
PS: It certainly makes a much easier situation if the bartender has the foresight and intelligence to quietly say, "The gentleman over there would like to buy you a drink", and thus give you the opportunity to decline.
Last edited by STT Resident; 01-18-2011 at 06:26 AM..
Reason: PS added
As for me, I would never go out period, without my wife with me and she has feels the same way I do. But, then again, we are most likely much younger than you (in our early 60's). Now, when I was single, before "sending a drink to an unknown lady", I'd use my eyes to see if the lady was wearing a wedding set or band. I done the same thing before I'd ask a lady to dance.
Actually, no matter what the bartender says, I would have just said "no thank you, tell the gentleman that I'm married" to the bartender and let him toss the drink or give it to the guy that bought it for you. Being TOO polite can get a person in more trouble than a simple "no" can.
Now, what would you husband do if this very same situation happened to him while he was out with friends?
As for me, I would never go out period, without my wife with me and she has feels the same way I do. But, then again, we are most likely much younger than you (in our early 60's).
I'm 36. Did you think I was 80?
I go out with my friends all the time. Mostly it's a lunch date but some of my friends can't get away for a lunch date and then we go out in the evening. It was a local bar/restaurant but we sat at the bar.
My husband has his own circle of friends too. He plays hockey and goes out for a drink afterwards on occasion. Sometimes he goes to sporting events with his friends as well.
Now, when I was single, before "sending a drink to an unknown lady", I'd use my eyes to see if the lady was wearing a wedding set or band. I done the same thing before I'd ask a lady to dance.
Actually, no matter what the bartender says, I would have just said "no thank you, tell the gentleman that I'm married" to the bartender and let him toss the drink or give it to the guy that bought it for you. Being TOO polite can get a person in more trouble than a simple "no" can.
Now, what would you husband do if this very same situation happened to him while he was out with friends?
If my husband was in the same situation he would have accepted the drink. I asked him about it the next morning and he said if the guy was a dumb*ss enough to send the drink over without first finding out if I were attached, then his loss.
First, I knew you weren't 80, but did know that you were young enough to be our (wife/I) daughter! Now, what I'm also curious about is......what did you friends think about what happened. Are they married or single? Were you the only lady at the table this happened to? I really don't know what generation started up this "lets go out for drinks" thing that includes married people without their spouse with them, but do know that we sure don't believe in it. Way too many problems have resulted from it. Some of those problems people have even done Threads on this forum about. Wife and I trust each other 100%, but still wouldn't go have a drink without the other being there. Guess, we are really fortunate that we have numerous interests we do together. We have no single friends we hang with (feels sort of wierd using that word "hang" since I'm not from the generation that word came from) and the married couples we know only go out when their spouse is with them.
If my husband was in the same situation he would have accepted the drink. I asked him about it the next morning and he said if the guy was a dumb*ss enough to send the drink over without first finding out if I were attached, then his loss.
I agree with your husband.
He could have been a dumb butt, he could have just liked your smile, he could have be acting macho for the benefit of his friends. Anyway, free drink.
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