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Thanks everyone! Special thanks to those who understand that I want my son to be happy and to those who REMEMBER what it was like when we were that age with a big crush. But I hear you all. And to set the record straight, he doesn't have a gf yet. Her parents are very religious and she has to wait about 2 more yrs before she's allowed to date. They go to the same school so at least he gets to see her and talk to her, even if they can't date yet. And I'm talking about an adult driving them to a movie - nothing more. NOT anything grown up at all. Even though my son is built like a football player, he has a HUGE heart that he wears on his sleave. And I'm not bashing my ex and his current family. I was just painting the picture of what that home is like. His dad has made great self improvements. Yeah, there's still roome for more - but isn't that true for all of us.
I've been a single mom since my son was 2. My life is dedicated to my kids and their happiness and I always put that first above my own. I will check with the state law - as it was pointed out that all this might be mute. I may not get a say in the end. THANKS AGAIN!
I can remember when I was that age, and had a crush on someone.
That is a hard age. I can also remember that my parents were in control of my living situation.
I didn`t want to move from the place I grew up, but I had no choice. I was 15.
I adjusted eventually.
Why would he want to? Even barring the girlfriend angle, you're uprooting him from all of his friends. An hour away isn't much to YOU, perhaps, but that's probably an hour's drive. He doesn't drive, right?
He spent 14 years making friends, and all that for nothing. I can relate.
Why would he want to? Even barring the girlfriend angle, you're uprooting him from all of his friends. An hour away isn't much to YOU, perhaps, but that's probably an hour's drive. He doesn't drive, right?
He spent 14 years making friends, and all that for nothing. I can relate.
Until the 14 year old starts providing a roof over the parents head and pays the bills THE PARENT says where they live. He spent 14 years making new friends (my violin is in the shop) guess what? He has to make new friends. I'm not saying its an easy thing to do, but sometimes these things have to be done in order for the WHOLE FAMILY TO PROSPER.
There is NO WAY I'd let my kid live with someone like that! As a matter of fact, if I had to I think I'd drag him out of the house by his ear, if it came down to it.
That's probably a bit harsh, but come on, he's 14. What's he going to do, get married at 14 to be "accepted" in to her religion. I could see if he were like 17 and nearly done with school, but in his case the father isn't the best choice as a guardian.
Just tell him the way it is, that you're happy for him to correspond with the girl, and see her when he comes to visit. If he gets along well at his new school, there's a good chance he'll meet someone else anyway.
Until the 14 year old starts providing a roof over the parents head and pays the bills THE PARENT says where they live. He spent 14 years making new friends (my violin is in the shop) guess what? He has to make new friends. I'm not saying its an easy thing to do, but sometimes these things have to be done in order for the WHOLE FAMILY TO PROSPER.
I wasn't saying that he's "right"--only that I can relate.
An hour away isn't that far. There is also email, texting, and a whole lot of other methods of cummunication these days.
^^^ This is what I was thinking. And maybe you could find a way to drive him back once a month to see his friends or go to an extra curricular school event as he will be missing his other friends also. And in the meantime, help him learn about her religion and culture.
And since he's got a crush on this girl, maybe you can use that to help him be sympathetic to you following your heart to live with your boyfriend.
I wasn't saying that he's "right"--only that I can relate.
Please by no means did I think you meant the 14 year old was right. I just used your post to make the quote. I understand what you are saying. I just think that ANYTIME you need to put your foot down with your kids today its automatically considered "abuse", or there are dozens of so called "experts" chiming in on how to raise them. These same experts want us to be our kids friends, and coddle them till their in their 30's by giving them whatever it is they need or ask for be it money, shelter, etc. God forbid you go off on your son/daughter because they are not doing what they're supposed to do and your the bad guy. Parenting should be called "Child entitlement" because thats what its fast becoming IMO. Sorry for the rant.
My 14yr old doesn't want to move out of state (only an 1hr away) becuase there's a girl he has feelings for. His feelings are so strong, that he want's to know everything about her religion so that he can have her parent's permission to be her boyfriend. It seems the girl also has feelings for him, so at least that's some comfort. I would hate for her feelings not be the same. I would prefer his first heartbreak to be when he's older. But my boyfriend of 3yrs and I are planning on getting married. He owns a house which is what I, my son and 18yr old daughter would move into. My daughter is fine with the move. But my son is not and is thinking of moving in with his dad, the wife and 3 kids (under 10). But neither of them use good parenting skills. They curse all the time. The wife is obese, so she doesn't let any of the kids eat when they want - I guess fear that her kids will have the same problem. The kids sneak food out the fridge. The kids are all very skinny and I think kind of short for their age, as if they don't get enough nutrients. The wife doesn't let the girls play with their (non-expensive) dolls - she doesn't want them to get ruined so she puts them on shelves for display only. They're not allowed to sleep with socks on!? My son's dad is a recovering alcoholic - at least he's fixed that about himself. It's been years since he last drank. He has a long police record, but he has been trying to do better. He's "absent" in his relationship - she calls all the shots. He avoids saying anything so that there aren't any arguments. She's always going to some house party or other and drags all the kids along and they stay out till all hours of the morning. There's always a lot of drinking at those parties. The kids either have to go or stay home alone. As you can see, I'm frightend of the thought that my son would be raised by these two. I feel like I have to chose... my son, or a new life with my boyfriend in his house. I rent an apartment. How do I make this second chance of a new and much better life with a really great guy work out and not lose my son???
Who is the parent here? I would just tell him that you guys as a family are moving. He can contact his girlfriend via the internet and the phone but that is the end of it. Maybe when he visits his Dad he can see her. BUT I wouldn't allow him to decide all on his own he is going to move with his Dad so he can have his own way.
YOU ARE THE PARENT !!
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I was 15.
