Having children young (daycare, average, insurance, four year old)
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my comment was directed to those who mentioned retiring early and nobody else. Reading my comments I do not get how anybody can misconstrue what I said into an all encompassing comment. Geesh!
Just because some people take longer to grow up doesn't discount those who do so at an expected pace.
Excellent point.
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Originally Posted by Ivorytickler
You know, I've never thought of my kids as something to get out of the way so I can get on with my life.
Neither do any of the 'young' mothers I know. However, there are plenty of older parents who avoid having kids because they want to do other things, have careers, travel, have fun while they're young....presumably kids would be in the way. They do what they want first and yet no one here has a problem with that, only the reverse.
Oh, I was just making my point to the resident internet doctor on the forum! I know several folks who have had children later in life and so far so good!
It's funny the spin doctors put on things. With my first, my doctor kept telling me I needed an amnio to find out if she had a genetic problem. I, finally, asked him why 35 was the magic number for pushing the test. His answer floored me. He said that that's when the risk of the test causing a problem equals the risk of the test finding one. I just looked at him and asked if he really thought I was going to double my risk.
Ironically, I know one person with a downs child and two with children who have lifelong issues due to the amniocentisis going wrong. One was born too soon due to the amnio rupturing her membranes. The other one has a child with club hands and feet due to leaking amniotic fluid during the pregnancy resulting from the amnio. Oh, I also know a woman who got the news her baby was perfectly healthy the day she miscarried because of the amnio. It was her first pregnancy, she was 40 and she never got pregnant again.
Yes, the odds go up of having issues when you're older but the vast majority of us still have healthy kids. You can have an unhealthy child at 22 as well. Youth is no guarantee. It's still a crap shoot at any age. Just with different odds at different ages.
Neither do any of the 'young' mothers I know. However, there are plenty of older parents who avoid having kids because they want to do other things, have careers, travel, have fun while they're young....presumably kids would be in the way. They do what they want first and yet no one here has a problem with that, only the reverse.
Why would they? It's a good thing to not have kids when you don't want them. Some people may never want them. There is no requirement to have them. The advantage of doing what you want and then having kids is you have the kids when you want them. You're not looking forward to them leaving so you can go play. You've already gotten playing out of your system.
One person is saying, I'll have my career first and then have kids when I want them. The other is saying, I'll have my kids now so I can get them out of the way and do what I want later. I'd rather have the first set of parents, thank you. There's a huge difference between waiting until you are ready and rushing to have kids so you can have time later to do what you want as if kids are something to get out of the way.
Why would they? It's a good thing to not have kids when you don't want them. Some people may never want them. There is no requirement to have them. The advantage of doing what you want and then having kids is you have the kids when you want them. You're not looking forward to them leaving so you can go play. You've already gotten playing out of your system.
One person is saying, I'll have my career first and then have kids when I want them. The other is saying, I'll have my kids now so I can get them out of the way and do what I want later. I'd rather have the first set of parents, thank you. There's a huge difference between waiting until you are ready and rushing to have kids so you can have time later to do what you want as if kids are something to get out of the way.
my comment was directed to those who mentioned retiring early and nobody else. Reading my comments I do not get how anybody can misconstrue what I said into an all encompassing comment. Geesh!
I just read all the posts again and I didn't see anyone who said anything other than how nice it will be to have their kids grown when they are still young as well. How you got out of that anything remotely like you are suggesting, the hamster comment, that we all just want to get rid of our kids so we can have our own lives.....that is coming from YOU, not anyone else here. Perhaps you are reflecting some of your own regret about your parents still being responsible for you, perhaps there is some tension in your relationship with them that you are putting on the rest of us.
Why would they? It's a good thing to not have kids when you don't want them. Some people may never want them. There is no requirement to have them. The advantage of doing what you want and then having kids is you have the kids when you want them. You're not looking forward to them leaving so you can go play. You've already gotten playing out of your system.
One person is saying, I'll have my career first and then have kids when I want them. The other is saying, I'll have my kids now so I can get them out of the way and do what I want later. I'd rather have the first set of parents, thank you. There's a huge difference between waiting until you are ready and rushing to have kids so you can have time later to do what you want as if kids are something to get out of the way.
Is it reading or comprehension that you struggle with here?? No one said that.
Oh and there is another reason to delay having kids. We live longer which means more generations are living at the same time which over populates the planet. Plus living longer means there is no rush to have kids. Heck, you can have college paid for before they're concieved and still live to see your grand kids.
Is it reading or comprehension that you struggle with here??
Nope, read it just fine. The question was why saying you look forward to when the kids are gone and being able to do what you want is frowned upon but people doing what they want and then having kids is not. There's a good reason. The person who waits, waits until they decide they want kids. They're not thinking getting the kids out of the house early is any kind of advantage. That thought would never cross their minds. I find it sad that it does cross the minds of younger parents. If that's the best you can do for an advantage to being a younger parent, do your kids a favor and wait to have them. There are real advantages to waiting that have nothing to do with mom and dad's retirement.
It doesn't matter how you say having kids young results in more retirement time after the kids are gone. IF you actually consider that an advantage of being a young parent, the effect is the same.
More and more women are having babies in their 30's and 40's. I guess a married couple can enjoy life while they're young and then settle into having a family. But I feel the older we get, the more we might appreciate slowing down and relaxing - at least I do. At 39, I can't imagine being responsible for another human being for 18 more years.
I also like being young enough to be able to relate to my son during his entry into adulthood. He likes being around me, wants me to tear up the town with him when he turns 21. I'm not much of a party gal anymore, but I love that he thinks I'm "cool" enough to party with.
Your thoughts?
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Originally Posted by Glitterific
My mom had children at the age of 20, the the age of 35. I know now that she wishes she could've had us closer together when she was younger. She wants to be able to enjoy her middle age without having a teenager under her roof. When I was 18, she wasn't in a rush to get me out the house but I know when my younger sibling turns 18- she may be showing him the door.
I like being a younger parent, I agree that it makes me relate a bit better. I'm not in my mid 30s yet, but I doubt I'll want to have another child then.
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Originally Posted by emailvasally
I agree that it depends on the person and maturity level. Nothing wrong with doing it either way.
but, imho I love the fact I had my kids young. one at 20 (maybe a couple yrs to young) and the other at 26. I will be aprox 44 when the last one leaves. I will still have plenty of life and energy left to do fun things that I would not have had the money to do at 22 with or without kids. If I have grandkids I will still be able to have fun with them and enjoy them. Also when it comes to my kids now, like another poster said, I can play, hike, swim, and roughhouse with them. I dont sit on the sidelines. And, while i'm not their friend i'm their parent, they still enjoy my company and would prefer to be here at home with their friends then at someone elses house. i'm young enough to remember and understand what my 13 yo dd is feeling/going through.
just another thought, and it doesnt always work out this way. My MIL was 40 when she had my dh. He was 33 when we had our youngest. She didnt become a grandma until 73. her health started failing and she passed away at 80. She never got to really get to know or enjoy her grandson. And her grandson never got the privaledge of really getting to know his grandma. grandpa was 47 when he had DH and died before my dh and I got married.
I only made it to page two maybe you need to take reading comprehension
Quote:
Originally Posted by NCyank
I just read all the posts again and I didn't see anyone who said anything other than how nice it will be to have their kids grown when they are still young as well. How you got out of that anything remotely like you are suggesting, the hamster comment, that we all just want to get rid of our kids so we can have our own lives.....that is coming from YOU, not anyone else here. Perhaps you are reflecting some of your own remorse about your parents still being responsible for you, perhaps there is some tension in your relationship with them that you are putting on the rest of us.
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They do what they want first and yet no one here has a problem with that, only the reverse.
