I believe theire is a distinction as bullying usually implies an imbalance of power. Our situation does not ..... my 4th grader is a big, strong, athletic kid who gravitates towards boys with similar characteristics. It's interesting to observe each year as the boys establish who the Alpha male is when school starts in the Fall. This is normal, healthy behavior and it allows boys to get on with their friendship and daily business (from what I've read and seen). While my son is an athlete, he also has a softer side and is a genuinely great friend who has a history of sticking up for kids who may have been smaller, getting teased, etc. He recently won an award for good sportsmanship in tennis and the "hardest worker" award on his ski team. Last year his teacher awarded him with the "Glowing Example" award for setting a glowing example for his friends. Basically, he's a pretty great kid. Not perfect, obviously, but pretty great IMHO
He became very good friends with another very competitive and athletic boy last year. His mother even sent me an e-mail about what an amazing kid my son was and how happy they were to have him in their son's life.
This year, things changed. The boys were placed in the same class again, however, this time with 3 or 4 other alpha male contenders. The class list looked more like a football line up than a classroom roster. I don't know what the principal was thinking. Long story short (well, sort of) pretty much at the beginning of the school my son became quite good friends with another boy - they just hit it off and seemed to have a mutual respect. Again, a very strong personality and athlete. The boy from last year, who had been such a good friend, just seemed to completely change. He has been tormenting my son nearly every single day of this school year. Making fun of the way he dresses (Under armour is better than Nike sort of comments, Nike is for girls, etc.), how he stands, the sports he does, pushing him from behind, lying - you name it. It has been incessant and I have been hearing about it all school year long. We brought it to his teacher's attention at conferences in the fall and she wanted nothing to do with it (she suggested bringing it to the principal's attention). The teacher is another story - never have I experienced someone just doing enough to get by meeting the minimum standards to this extent. Horrendous and not fair to the kids.
My son's personality hit a low a few months back- he was grouchy, negative, quiet and not at all himself - I finally put my foot down and said I was getting involved. My son had insisted all school year that he could 'handle' it. He knew if we got involved the boy would then resort to calling mine a tattle tale - a new topic of torment. We contacted the principal (who my husband has a decent relationship with) against my son's wish's and things improved for a while, but now they're back to really bad.
I am at a loss as to what to do. Going to the parents will not help as they never admit to any wrong doing (I have many other examples but this post is getting way too long). The parents are out of control and obnoxious in sports. They volunteer to coach everything and always play their son in the most in demand positions, only root for him at games and basically treat him as if he's destined to become a pro athlete (unlikely).
We have given our son permission to basically whack the kid when the opportunity presents itself (how horrible that sounds), which he has done a few times on the playground....it may make a bit of difference but basically this kid is just in my son's ear constantly. UGH. I feel so badly that my boy is going through this and am so amazed that one little jerk can impact an entire school year in this way. Is it bullying? I don't know. I don't feel there's an imbalance of power so to speak. Is this just a kid being mean? I've told my son he needs to thicken his skin so this kid doesn't get to him so much - I mean really? Under Armour vs. Nike? Who cares! But I guess after enough of it, it gets difficult to tune out. Seems like there should be some way to make it stop. Thoughts? Advice? Sorry for being so lengthy too.
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