Bullying or just plain MEAN (ideas, boy, children, husband)
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Kitkatbar I understand your concerns and see your point. However, your message appears to be that verbal bullying is OK and with that I wholeheartedly disagree. If this were just about brand names I wouldn't have posted.
No, that's not what I'm saying, however I will make a point to tell you I think you're choosing ways of dealing with it that flip flop between too uninvolved or a huge overreaction. If someone is "tormenting" your son, you need to be placing a call to the teacher every day. You need to email the principal every day, describing exactly what's going on with time, date and incident. If you aren't taking those steps, clearly you don't see it as enough of a problem.
Then you flip flop to the other extreme. Telling your son to hit a kid running a dumb mouth is a huge overreaction. It's one that will likely get your kid suspended. It will be on his permanent school record. It will be seen by every teacher and administrator who has him in the future. If he's big enough to do damage (which he likely will be soon if he isn't already) he can get assault charges. Condoning physical violence skips all the steps in between that you/he could be doing to get him to stop. "Shut up man, get a life," and then turning away often works. Going to hang out with someone else often works. Having the principal sit you down and inform you you're going to be in hot water if it happens again often works.
Personally, I fear you haven't taken these steps because you care too much about the "image" of your son being the top alpha male in the class. You go so far as to question "what the principal was thinking" in having multiple contenders for "alpha male" in your son's class--placing a little too much importance on the social food chain IMHO.
No, that's not what I'm saying, however I will make a point to tell you I think you're choosing ways of dealing with it that flip flop between too uninvolved or a huge overreaction. If someone is "tormenting" your son, you need to be placing a call to the teacher every day. You need to email the principal every day, describing exactly what's going on with time, date and incident. If you aren't taking those steps, clearly you don't see it as enough of a problem.
Then you flip flop to the other extreme. Telling your son to hit a kid running a dumb mouth is a huge overreaction. It's one that will likely get your kid suspended. It will be on his permanent school record. It will be seen by every teacher and administrator who has him in the future. If he's big enough to do damage (which he likely will be soon if he isn't already) he can get assault charges. Condoning physical violence skips all the steps in between that you/he could be doing to get him to stop. "Shut up man, get a life," and then turning away often works. Going to hang out with someone else often works. Having the principal sit you down and inform you you're going to be in hot water if it happens again often works.
Personally, I fear you haven't taken these steps because you care too much about the "image" of your son being the top alpha male in the class. You go so far as to question "what the principal was thinking" in having multiple contenders for "alpha male" in your son's class--placing a little too much importance on the social food chain IMHO.
A lot of schools have zero tolerance policies for violence these days. If a kid hits someone they are automatically expelled. It happened to a kid in my high school and that was 20 years ago. It might sound like overkill but it's how real life works. If you punch someone on the job, you are automatically fired and charged with a crime. It's always bad advice to tell your kid to hit someone.
Good morning ladies,
Having grown up in the school system and the playground as well as being a four year Varsity starter in High school and later on in College, I personally know a thing or two about the locker room and the hall ways, I might add, both of my children (boy and girl) we're both MVP's and team Captains in two Varsity sports in High School and both moved on and we're Division 1 athletes and both have found their way, one as a senior consultant and staff writer for McGraw hill and the other as an officer with the United States Government and the LE community.
OP,
I have always raised my children on a couple of key points and a few facts of life. Never ever allow anyone to verbally abuse you or physically place a hand on you, "NEVER". After following normal channels when bullying or verbal/physical abuse was involved in school or the neighborhood, the rules are simple, Knock the snot out of anyone who places a hand on you. You can't always walk away, you just can't, but every time the abuse starts, throw the punch, and I mean throw the punch and knock the snot out of any little jackass until the verbal or physical ABUSE stops, and it will after time. Teachers mean well but they don't see it like a lunch room aid might, you can't always rely on support staff, sometimes it comes down to the kids, it doesn't have to be scary, because boys and girls will be boys and girls.
Teach you're kids well on the art of standing up for not only themselves but for OTHERS or face the alternative of having your kids living in fear throughout their school days?
*SIDE NOTE* We always stayed as far away from the field or ice during sporting events as we could to avoid the crazies and the questions like, who trained you're son to be so fast? we would answer, not us, he learned from watching the NY Rangers and skating everyday, lol.
Like I said, the rules are simple.
Thank you ladies, and Happy Mothers Day
Knight
I hoped someone wasn't wearing a PC T-shirt. My pop raised us the same way.
It's never going to be pretty so why prolong it? You can let the a-hole run his mouth forever and it only gets worse, especially if the a-hole gets a crowd to amuse. Pop him in the chops and shut him down. Those people aren't ready for that reaction and aren't ready for a fight. I was always a larger kid than most so I didn't have to put up with much but i remember having to wail on kids at the bus stops. I also remember seeing the kids who never stood up for themselves as the perpetual target. Once it was know the kid was a pushover it was on.
I have run across the same as an adult. The kids who were bullies continued on into their adult lives and people never stopped them.
Good morning ladies,
Having grown up in the school system and the playground as well as being a four year Varsity starter in High school and later on in College, I personally know a thing or two about the locker room and the hall ways, I might add, both of my children (boy and girl) we're both MVP's and team Captains in two Varsity sports in High School and both moved on and we're Division 1 athletes and both have found their way, one as a senior consultant and staff writer for McGraw hill and the other as an officer with the United States Government and the LE community.
OP,
I have always raised my children on a couple of key points and a few facts of life. Never ever allow anyone to verbally abuse you or physically place a hand on you, "NEVER". After following normal channels when bullying or verbal/physical abuse was involved in school or the neighborhood, the rules are simple, Knock the snot out of anyone who places a hand on you. You can't always walk away, you just can't, but every time the abuse starts, throw the punch, and I mean throw the punch and knock the snot out of any little jackass until the verbal or physical ABUSE stops, and it will after time. Teachers mean well but they don't see it like a lunch room aid might, you can't always rely on support staff, sometimes it comes down to the kids, it doesn't have to be scary, because boys and girls will be boys and girls.
Teach you're kids well on the art of standing up for not only themselves but for OTHERS or face the alternative of having your kids living in fear throughout their school days?
*SIDE NOTE* We always stayed as far away from the field or ice during sporting events as we could to avoid the crazies and the questions like, who trained you're son to be so fast? we would answer, not us, he learned from watching the NY Rangers and skating everyday, lol.
Like I said, the rules are simple.
Thank you ladies, and Happy Mothers Day
Knight
This man gets it.
The "Law of the Playground" still exists, in spite of a very concerted effort on the parts of schools to try to do away with it. The sooner your young sons learn these realities, and learn to take steps to deal with them, the better off they will be.
Good morning ladies,
Having grown up in the school system and the playground as well as being a four year Varsity starter in High school and later on in College, I personally know a thing or two about the locker room and the hall ways, I might add, both of my children (boy and girl) we're both MVP's and team Captains in two Varsity sports in High School and both moved on and we're Division 1 athletes and both have found their way, one as a senior consultant and staff writer for McGraw hill and the other as an officer with the United States Government and the LE community.
OP,
I have always raised my children on a couple of key points and a few facts of life. Never ever allow anyone to verbally abuse you or physically place a hand on you, "NEVER". After following normal channels when bullying or verbal/physical abuse was involved in school or the neighborhood, the rules are simple, Knock the snot out of anyone who places a hand on you. You can't always walk away, you just can't, but every time the abuse starts, throw the punch, and I mean throw the punch and knock the snot out of any little jackass until the verbal or physical ABUSE stops, and it will after time. Teachers mean well but they don't see it like a lunch room aid might, you can't always rely on support staff, sometimes it comes down to the kids, it doesn't have to be scary, because boys and girls will be boys and girls.
Teach you're kids well on the art of standing up for not only themselves but for OTHERS or face the alternative of having your kids living in fear throughout their school days?
*SIDE NOTE* We always stayed as far away from the field or ice during sporting events as we could to avoid the crazies and the questions like, who trained you're son to be so fast? we would answer, not us, he learned from watching the NY Rangers and skating everyday, lol.
Like I said, the rules are simple.
Thank you ladies, and Happy Mothers Day
Knight
This is one way and I guess since a lot of you guys are raising these "alpha" kids, knocking out the other kid seems like the best solution. What if you are completely outmatched or get beat up in the process? I rather teach my kid to be smart in every situation. I doubt using physical violence is always the solution. I will be sure to point out to my kid that the leaders in our world, now and historically have not always been the strongest but they are inevitably always smart.
This is one way and I guess since a lot of you guys are raising these "alpha" kids, knocking out the other kid seems like the best solution. What if you are completely outmatched or get beat up in the process? I rather teach my kid to be smart in every situation. I doubt using physical violence is always the solution. I will be sure to point out to my kid that the leaders in our world, now and historically have not always been the strongest but they are inevitably always smart.
Being smart is great.
But believing that smart and tough are necessarily mutually exclusive is just silly. Sometimes you need to defend yourself physically.
Honestly, based on what you've told us, I think the kid is acting out against your son because he probably feels slighted/rejected after your son made fast friends with someone new this year, leaving the other boy sidelined.
Now, how he's dealing with his hurt isn't healthy or right, and that needs to be addressed, but maybe looking for the root cause as to why this boy 'suddenly turned mean,' might help a great deal more than trying to treat the symptoms. Just a thought.
Thank you to everyone - it's been interesting to read the reactions to the topic. For the record, the school is very well regarded, although the playground is horribly supervised (thankfully the supervisor in charge knows my son after 4 years and knows that, while he's a big personality out there, he's not a trouble maker). For the record, my son's clothing is actually more expensive than the "bully's" so it's not a socio-economic battle it's just the kid looking for anything to attack. I do believe the bully is hurt in some way- aren't most? I think he feels left out and have constantly encouraged my son to ignore, laugh off, etc etc this kids remarks, which he has attempted to do day after day ......
And to the poster who believes I am approaching the situation from extremes....too much too little, you are absolutely wrong. Describing everything we have done to try to remedy this would not be appropriate in this type if forum, but thanks for your strong, accusatory yet unsubstantiated opinion.
For the record, my son's clothing is actually more expensive than the "bully's" so it's not a socio-economic battle it's just the kid looking for anything to attack.
And to the poster who believes I am approaching the situation from extremes....too much too little, you are absolutely wrong. Describing everything we have done to try to remedy this would not be appropriate in this type if forum, but thanks for your strong, accusatory yet unsubstantiated opinion.
Everything you talk about here is about power and how much better your kid is than the other one. I think your attitude is what is wrong here. Your kid isn't better than anybody.
But you don't want to hear that; you are never in the wrong, I'm sure.
Last edited by Jaded; 05-20-2014 at 10:36 PM..
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