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But when her chices or lack of consideration means difficulty for the rest of the family or problems with her teacher and incomplete homework then believe me, I will take over.
Yes, and her being as young as she is , she probably wants that direction. Some kids need it more than others...I think it's very, very normal to find rotten bananas spoiling a bag, or a pyle of clothes...it's amazing what slobs they can be sometimes. But I also believe that's something that will, and does, correct itself over time. I think your punishments are a bit harsh myself...I probably never woulda got to watch the tube at all for forgetting things all the time..maybe they're not really her choices at all...maybe she justs forgets, doesn't mean to though...what kid wants to be punished over a squished banana?
I think that because she is punished, she's lying, cause she maybe knows that she's gonna forget something soon, so she better do what she wants now...while she can.
Have you ever gotten her eyes tested by an opthamologist who specializes in learning disabilities? Vision therapy might be very helpful for her if her eyes are not working together properly. This often affects reading comprehension and in the *old days* kids had to do eye exercises manually.
Now the exercises are in computer programs like this one:
Yes we do put a great deal of emphasis on academics-right or wrong. We live in a university town with PhDs around every corner ( including my son, her older brother). One time while in a conference with her teacher I said "God forbid anybody in Chapel Hill be average" It got a big laugh or groan from all the other academics at the conference table.
When I floundered in school my father used to put me down with "Well we better get ready to send you to hair twisting school" meaning working in a beauty salon was what my future held and believe me that was not a compliment. He was dead by the time I got my MBA but it was something I was and am extremely proud of even if I was 28 when I got it. He was a grade A snob about class and education even though he certainly didn't come from anything other than blue collar stock. He was Army Colonel and I remember riding around on base and him pointing out certain women with remarks like "must be the wife of an enlisted man". See what I mean?
DH came from blue collar family and he was the first to go to college. He is Mensa member with two degrees obtained after the age of 35. Self made man if there ever was one so he too appreciate academics very much.
And yes being extremely shy can become a shortcoming in society where a woman cannot get anywhere sitting on her hands and holding back. I can't even get this kid to answer the phone!
And yes having to repeat a grade is a failure in a sense. I never said she was a failure. In fact we were the ones who insisted she repeat because she struggled so much in 2nd grade. I'm sad to say I don't think it helped too much because then we were told she was just fine but now we find out she has had learning disabilities all along. Duh...I could have and did tell them that.
So in the context of our family background, our community and the standards we have set this dd's academic challenges are a shortcoming. I cringe to think how she will handle high school. If she doesn't at least do average work in high school the other kids will make her life miserable. Keep in mind our high schools have something like 97% rate of graduates going on to 4 year colleges and not necessarily the one in our town as it is very hard to get accepted to UNC. The ironic thing is we moved here for more diversity and opportunity in this community. If we had stayed in our Georgia community her academic struggles would have been right on par with everybody else and she wouldn't stand out as particularly challenged at all but then the other dd wouldn't get the enrichment opportunities she gets here. Oh well- it is what it is.
Girls have been home for awhile now. DD is outside playing with her friends (her best neighborhood GF is 6 which is another thread all together) while other DD is on the computer looking up Mesopotamia. Wow.
Have you ever gotten her eyes tested by an opthamologist who specializes in learning disabilities? Vision therapy might be very helpful for her if her eyes are not working together properly. This often affects reading comprehension and in the *old days* kids had to do eye exercises manually.
Now the exercises are in computer programs like this one:
No Kudzu, big hug to you. Know what you are going through because we go through it too. My son is a bit delayed as well (I held him back from going into Kindergarten). School is a struggle and I have to spend oodles of time with him helping with homework because he just doesn't get it. Fortunately he is getting extra help at school but much of it is on me at home. I've also had the problems of the stinky, rotting bananas with both kids. Uggg. It is disgusting.
With regards to the food, I would relax a bit on that. My husband has his stash of chips which he really shouldn't be eating but does. I'm not a chip person either and normally don't buy them as snacks for the kids. When the kids are at a party, you should see them go after the soda and chips. There is some truth to depriving them at home makes them crave it like an addicti, although I do buy the junk on occasion. It is a hard balance. I would simply hide your husband's stash. That is what I do. Out of sight, out of mind. Chips and such can be a infrequent treat.
The lying. That is a hard one. My son hid a project from me and the only way I found out about it was from the teacher. I was really angry since we had to do it the whole afternoon and evening. I took away his beloved Minecraft for a few days and that was hard on everyone, lol. It got the point across. I try to make the punishments short in duration so it doesn't draw out.
So in the context of our family background, our community and the standards we have set this dd's academic challenges are a shortcoming. I cringe to think how she will handle high school. If she doesn't at least do average work in high school the other kids will make her life miserable.
They may they may not. Especially if she has a bubbly personality and is a hard worker. Even high school kids can be pretty compassionate about things like that. Regardless, I think it's important to not only consider the impact of the opinions of those "other kids" but also the impact of her feeling she is letting you down or disappointing you. What you don't want, is her feeling there is just nothing she can do to measure up to your expectations. It may be that even with help for her disabilities, she "only" ever performs somewhere around average on the academic scale. Are you and your family going to be able to accept that and encourage her in ways that may be different than what you have traditionally emphasized/valued (for instance - if she someday decides to study/work at a hair salon)? Because a supportive and encouraging family will be especially valuable if others are less than accepting of her.
Last edited by maciesmom; 11-22-2013 at 03:23 PM..
No kudzu I agree with you about the potatoe crisps, I was reading an article on the New York Times that Lays, Doritos, etc contain addictive chemicals that causes the body to want even more chips.......horrible for kids....
Yes we do put a great deal of emphasis on academics-right or wrong. We live in a university town with PhDs around every corner ( including my son, her older brother). One time while in a conference with her teacher I said "God forbid anybody in Chapel Hill be average" It got a big laugh or groan from all the other academics at the conference table.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with finding academics important. BUT the achievement that makes the child proud should be at THEIR level of accomplishment, not that of someone else' capability, IMO.
Quote:
When I floundered in school my father used to put me down with "Well we better get ready to send you to hair twisting school" meaning working in a beauty salon was what my future held and believe me that was not a compliment. He was dead by the time I got my MBA but it was something I was and am extremely proud of even if I was 28 when I got it. He was a grade A snob about class and education even though he certainly didn't come from anything other than blue collar stock. He was Army Colonel and I remember riding around on base and him pointing out certain women with remarks like "must be the wife of an enlisted man". See what I mean?
DH came from blue collar family and he was the first to go to college. He is Mensa member with two degrees obtained after the age of 35. Self made man if there ever was one so he too appreciate academics very much.
And yes being extremely shy can become a shortcoming in society where a woman cannot get anywhere sitting on her hands and holding back. I can't even get this kid to answer the phone!
And yes having to repeat a grade is a failure in a sense. I never said she was a failure. In fact we were the ones who insisted she repeat because she struggled so much in 2nd grade. I'm sad to say I don't think it helped too much because then we were told she was just fine but now we find out she has had learning disabilities all along. Duh...I could have and did tell them that.
I guess if I were you, this is where I would start. That your child needed to repeat a grade is not a failure. Education is a gift to her, not a performance piece.
We will encourage her to meet her goals even if they are not the goals we had for ourselves. I have no fear she will eventually make a contribution to society which is ultimately what we teach our children what is most important. If that is by being an honest and skilled ditch digger than that is something we will have to learn to love! If it is being a honest and caring nurse or school teacher we will be fine. I went to school in the same community where we now live but spent more than 40 years living all around the country. I might be projecting my own difficulties on this child because I was not the sharpest pencil in the box in the same high school system and I felt so "less than". And I took my value from attention of boys. We always want to help our kids avoid the same struggles we had as youngsters. I was a late bloomer going back to school at age 27 to finish my degree and get my MBA. I dropped out of college at barely 19.
The consensus seems to be we are too heavy with punishment. This no screen time comes after many talks and reminders and her repeated "forgetting" or down right ignoring.
So what do you do with your kids when they disobey repeatedly? Not the first or 3rd time but after many reminders?
We will encourage her to meet her goals even if they are not the goals we had for ourselves. I have no fear she will eventually make a contribution to society which is ultimately what we teach our children what is most important. If that is by being an honest and skilled ditch digger than that is something we will have to learn to love! If it is being a honest and caring nurse or school teacher we will be fine.
Quote:
So what do you do with your kids when they disobey repeatedly? Not the first
or 3rd time but after many reminders?
Have you actually asked her directly about it and listened - although I know it would be difficult to do at the time, when you are angry, that might be when it's best discussed (or not...hard to say). Try instead of getting angry, sit down and ask her what is going on....and what ideas she might have to help the situation. Work on it together. If she sees it as problem solving that she is participating in rather than punishment you are meting out, it might be more successful.
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