Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I have seen many differing opinions on this thread. A lot of them opened my mind.
Initially when I started this thread I was in such a shocked state that I didn't know which end was up. I seriously was confused. I was always very involved with my kids. I didn't have issues with them. Normal teenage crap. Talking back, arguing, etc.
I've stayed on top of their grades like crazy. The one that's pregnant was president of NHS and has been tuition free thus far in college. She was a very good athlete as well and could have continued to play in college but chose not to.
I never once thought "not my kid" with anything. I know what is possible with them and took precautions. Or so I thought.
I still have two more. I am trying to simply keep my focus on them while encouraging my oldest to do what's needed to begin setting up for her family.
This is quite the roller coaster just trying to do and say the right things.
To add to everything. One of my kids is being very supportive while the other is absolutely disgusted. So needless to say I am continually being a referee when they're all home. There are times I'd like to run away.
I haven't seen it and tried to do a search. They do not live together. She lives with us and he lives with his parents. I still pay all of her bills and his parents pay his. If they were through school I would be happy for them. As it is now, they both work part time, spend every dime they make and think they can do this.
My husband is 100% against this and has said our daughter will not live with the baby in our house.
I'm heartbroken and sick over this.
Tell her she has 9 (7, 6, whatever) months to get her life in order. You will assist her in any way you can (except financially) during that time, but she has made the decision to be an adult, so that's what she is going to be.
Tell her that the ONLY way she can continue to live under your roof, with your support is to adopt the baby to a loving two-person family. Otherwise, she is on her own.
My feelings are that you l condoned her behavior from the start, so you are as responsible as she is that she is in this situation. If you had taught her from DAY ONE that premarital sex was wrong chances are this story might have had a different ending.
So sad that people screw up their lives like this.
My feelings are that you l condoned her behavior from the start, so you are as responsible as she is that she is in this situation.
Since you so obviously did (not) read through the thread, pray tell in what way the OP "condoned" her behavior? Would you rather she'd kicked her daughter out of the house immediately? Sent her "abroad"? Arranged a quicky wedding? Done a home abortion? Please share....
Quote:
Originally Posted by 20yrsinBranson
If you had taught her from DAY ONE that premarital sex was wrong chances are this story might have had a different ending.
Jersey, if just looking for an apartment is making her ask you these questions, it sounds like she's thinking that maybe continuing this pregnancy is not such a good idea. Unfortunately, she's possibly now into the second trimester, from the dates you originally gave us. I understand completely that you cannot tell her what you think she should do, lest she blame you afterwards. But I think that if she went to see a good counselor, who doesn't have their own agenda to shove down her throat, she might be able to work out with them what she really wants to do. Certainly, having an abortion would be the easiest thing - she would probably be relieved, and she'd be able to continue being a teenage college student living at home. Giving the baby up for adoption is not an option - doesn't sound like the father will give up his parental rights, so if he and his parents want to raise the baby, she could plan on letting them do so - I cannot imagine her doing this. But I don't think she's cut out for having a baby and living independently from you, from what you've described. She needs to see a therapist to help her deal with this crisis.
Again, I am amazed at how you are handling this. Being supportive, while laying out the truth for her - that she cannot raise her child in your home, since you are still raising her younger sibs. Refusing to tell her what to do, when I think in your heart you know what would be best for her. I am incredibly impressed with your restraint. Take her to a counselor who doesn't have an axe to grind, and I have a feeling that she will quickly come to the right decision for her at this time in her life, in this situation.
Well, not much news right now. She does have a few prospects for apartments and is beginning to get out and look at them this week. She is going to look at those she can afford on her own, not with someone else. She's not sure she wants the bf to move in with her. This appears to be a bone of contention between them.
I say appears because I will not stick my nose in their relationship.
She asked me a pointed question this past weekend which surprised me. Did I ever regret having her when I did? She was unplanned. Not unwanted, just unplanned. My husband and I wanted to be married for about five years before we had kids. She came along at two years. Oh well.
I told her that not for a minute did I ever regret it.
But you were married, living in your own place with your husband, had already been married for two years (and probably had been together for a couple of years before that), and had planned on having children together, just not quite that soon. Your situation was completely different than hers! She is still in her teens, is NOT married, had NOT already decided that this was who she wanted to be with, wanted to have children with. There is NO comparison between the two situations. She is giving up so much to have this baby. You were giving up another three years of relatively carefree newlywed life, having already enjoyed two years of marriage without kids.
You must not tell her what to do, but I have a feeling that she will very quickly come to her own decision about what to do if she had a chance to talk with a therapist - someone who she doesn't have to see after this, someone who will not steer her towards either option, but will facilitate her recognizing what her true feelings are at this point, now that she is beginning to see what the reality of the situation is: poverty, struggle, difficulties with the parents of the father of the baby.
Her due date was off by 10 days. She really found out early.
Here's the newest thing that's making me crazy.
Both her and the bf are in school. With the new due date, it's going to be right at the end when they are done.
She said she will be talking to her profs at the middle of the semester to see if she can take her finals maybe a week before the final exam schedule.
The bf refuses to talk with his and told her that he will not miss school. At all. I am in one way appreciative of his dedication to his education and in another way, I'm pissed. She doesn't have the luxury of simply not being present for the birth or the first day home from birth.
He has offered to ask his dad to be there with her in his place. I don't know. I really don't.
Am I unreasonable to be feeling this way? And as the past many many pages, tell me straight. I want to know all sides of it that I may not be seeing.
Oh my deity! This is a REALLY bad prognostic indicator. He won't be there to support her through the birth of his child because he might miss SCHOOL??? He refuses to even try to plan ahead to get finals out of the way before the birth? He would send his FATHER there in his place??? Whatever made him think that she would want HIS FATHER there??? This young man is not thinking at all of how she feels, not putting her first, not acting like an expectant father, and certainly not acting like a husband, which of course he is not. This is the sort of idiot behavior that makes a nineteen year old girl break up with her boyfriend, and go find someone better. Which is the easiest thing in the world to do, unless you're not pregnant. Looks like she's going to be doing this alone, with all the misery that comes with having a jerk for the father of the baby.
It's a moot point if she's in her second trimester. Adoption isn't an option because the boyfriend's father is a maniac. There is no way that the daughter or Jersey will leave the child to be raised by the boyfriend's father. A therapist isn't a bad idea if she needs help accepting that she's in "make the best of it" mode now.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
