How to deal with a pregnant teen (child support, baby, support)
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I'm not knocking on your cousin as what she's accomplished sounds amazing, but these kinds of anecdote don't really mean a lot in this kind of situation. The OP was very concerned about the support system set up for her daughter, given that she and family can only offer a limited support and well, we all know about the guy and his ilk.
What support system and benefits did your cousin have to help her achieve so well?
Also her husband was at uni, he gratuated and got a job. Therefore they had his paycheck and her mother benefits. Also when baby borns, baby gots some small sum of money for the joy she or he is here.
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Originally Posted by germaine2626
Often when I hear these kinds of anecdotes it is something like "Well, she & her family lived with her parents, who were both retired and cared for the children full time for free. And, her husband made $200,000 a year and paid for a separate apartment for her so she could study in quiet. And, his parents, who were both retired, lived next door and made all of their meals." (or some other rather unusual story)
Of course, there are always a few success stories but for most very young parents, with limited education, limited job prospects and few supports it is very difficult to succeed in life.
She studied and had baby vacations time to time. Kids were either home or day care and also grandparents wanted to participate on their vacations. Grandparents were working.
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Originally Posted by ScarletG
You are not in the US...it's much different here. And having 5 kids while still in school is rather irresponsible matter where you are.
Having kids when at school is not irresponsible. Things could be turned around. You loss your job, your husband dies, you are single mom and must go to school to get a new work some day. Kids could be before studying also.
Quote:
Originally Posted by germaine2626
Oh, I missed that.
Free tuition vs. paying $15,000, or $30,000, or $45,000 a year in tuition. A big difference.
Yes, schools are "free" which does not mean they are practically free. And people get some small benefits for studying, apartment, having babies (it is supported to have babies here ) but those are under minime welfare and keep people hardly alive. It is temporarily supporting when people have hard times and cannot get a job. Or they have a job which pays too less.
Also government order people to take loans. It is not happy and free as it sounds for people without further knowledge. Some girls does prostitution because benefits are so small.
Also her husband was at uni, he gratuated and got a job. Therefore they had his paycheck and her mother benefits. Also when baby borns, baby gots some small sum of money for the joy she or he is here.
She studied and had baby vacations time to time. Kids were either home or day care and also grandparents wanted to participate on their vacations. Grandparents were working.
Having kids when at school is not irresponsible. Things could be turned around. You loss your job, your husband dies, you are single mom and must go to school to get a new work some day. Kids could be before studying also.
Yes, schools are "free" which does not mean they are practically free. And people get some small benefits for studying, apartment, having babies (it is supported to have babies here ) but those are under minime welfare and keep people hardly alive. It is temporarily supporting when people have hard times and cannot get a job. Or they have a job which pays too less.
Also government order people to take loans. It is not happy and free as it sounds for people without further knowledge. Some girls does prostitution because benefits are so small.
Our students don't get stipends just for being in school. There is no free housing...child care is expensive...there is no maternity leave, it's possible to get low cost medical care for pregnancy is most areas....but again that is a cost. Having a child while in college is irresponsible in almost all cases.
Student loans are a fact of life for most...and bound to be much smaller when they don't have to help cover 15,000 to 30,000 in tution alone.
And yes, when I lived in Germany I knew women that were students that also worked a window...but still was their choice. It wasn't what most students did.
I dont see y the father would have to be supervised . I highly doubt he would hurt his own baby. the baby can go a few hours and be fine and like others have said, milk can be expressed before hand. It sounds more like a controll issue your daughter is having. withholding the child unless the father goes by her terms is just.a way to get at him. with no court order in place, both parents have 50/50 custody. she may as well let the father see the.child unsupervised now and get used to it because the court is just going to give him typical every other weekend custody anyway.
Your daughter should be applying for low income projects to live in as her.wage.cannot support living in a normal house. it will.be based on her income and be affordable. I went through the same thing and lived there untill i completed school and could afford to live on my own. Her being in a shelter would just speed that process up, thats all.
there shouldn't be certain conditions placed on the father in order to see his child. It is just childish and self centered if the father poses no threat
don't ya just love it when people think they need to make comments and it is very clear they didn't bother to read any of the posts?....especially the last 5 or 6????
Well the baby is now FOUR YEARS old. My daughter and the Dad had many battles, had to have a change of venue when it was found he had a relative working in that family court and interfering. Venue was changed and all was worked out. My daughter has sole physical custody and they have joint legal. There are some games being played but that’s for them to figure out.
An update for you all. My daughter did not follow the rules we had given her while she lived in our home. We did have to give her a time limit to get her own place. We tried the stay in school and you can stay however long it takes route. That didn’t work. We then said ok, you can work full time but you will pay rent (that I was opening a savings account for her with for the day she wanted to move out). That never happened either. So we gave her until the baby was three to move out on her own.
I know some of you think that was too long, but the baby was just shy of two when I told her this. I wanted to give her time to save.
Complete honesty here- I was exhausted. How I love that baby is unbelievable. I love her with every bone in my body and she loves me too. I was so tired of working all day, doing all the cooking and straightening up plus cleaning up after all meals, messes, etc. I had made life far too easy on my daughter under the guise of helping her. I needed light at the end of the tunnel. I needed to feel like a grandparent and not a parent to my granddaughter. Babysit her, take her on outings, look forward to a mess she made, load her up on sweets, have her for sleepovers, and then send her home. That’s what I needed and that’s why the deadline.
Hindsight is 20/20. There’s so much I should have done differently. I now know it. I can’t change it. I can only move forward and maybe if someone out there is going through this and they want to reach out, I’m happy to share this experience with anyone.
It was the toughest thing in the world to do. The whole thing. From the moment my daughter told me she was pregnant to the day they moved out. My daughter and I are much closer now. My granddaughter and I are each other’s favorite people. My husband and I took her to Disney on vacation this year. It was incredible. I pick her up from daycare frequently and bring her home with me for sleepovers. This is the normal life of a grandparent.
There are days the daycare is closed and my daughter has to work and I take her. And I look forward to it.
This journey was the toughest thing I went through as a parent. Our family has been through five floods. Major events where we had to rebuild each time. One where we lost three walls of foundation. This journey was tougher. By far.
Any of you that chimed in in the early days and gave me an ear or words of encouragement or advice, I thank you from the bottom of my heart. I’ve reflected back on things you’ve all said at many points throughout the journey.
Anyone going through this now? Read back on the comments on here. There are so many people with so much wisdom. I promise it will help. Maybe not today or tomorrow, but it will at some point. Really, you all have been amazing. I have a lot of love for a lot of you. You gave me strength when I had none.
I now look forward to Friday the 9th. I will pick up my sweet girl and go see The Grinch. I’ve been informed that she saved all her Twick (Twix, my favorite) from Halloween for Nana. I am truly blessed.
I just looked at some of your posts. I am SO sorry for neglecting you all for so long. Yes, a lot happened. After those floods I told you all about, we ended up in a bad way. No excuse not to updat you but life truly got in the way.
We ended up pulling up our bootstraps, taking our hits personally and financially (nothing to do with the situation on this thread), taking what meager remains we had of our retirement savings and bought a foreclosure that we fixed up and rent out. Figured it would be good retirement income for when that time comes. Side note- flood insurance covers about 40% of losses. The rest has to come from your pocket. We fixed that foreclosure from top to bottom ourselves and found our tenants.
After we had our punishment time over from bankrupting that flood house, we bought our now forever home. Another foreclosure but in fantastic shape mostly and were busy fixing that. My last post gave a brief synopsis of what transpired from the last time I posted about the subject of this thread.
I do wish any one would reach out and give me a DM if they’re wanting to know anything. I’m happy to share. I don’t get notifications when someone posts. I just saw now that you can set a thread for that. Hmmm, I never claimed to be super tech savvy.
Anyway, the support and concern is so touching. Thank you. I feel very negligent for just abandon you all. I’m going to turn on the notifications now that I see I can. Again, I really apologize.
Can you put her sister in another room and allow her to have a room with the baby until she gets on her feet and establishes herself somehow.
I can tell you, if you put her and the baby out, it will torment you. That is your grandchild - you should be torn because it is your flesh and blood.
Edit: Just saw you did the right thing.
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) but those are under minime welfare and keep people hardly alive. It is temporarily supporting when people have hard times and cannot get a job. Or they have a job which pays too less.
