Kid talking with older people? (pills, 16 years old, college, engage)
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It may be harmless, BUT I would be very, very cautious. I personally, would have had a problem with it. I have communicated with children before by facebook, but I found their parent by looking at the friends and let them know I was communicating with them. I think he should have mentioned it to you by now.
Re: the bolded.......we have something in common then. I felt it odd that you chose to type something so common sense! I'd expect any child to use the mouth they were given to communicate, EVER!! perhaps naive is an appropriate term to use, for yourself
As some previous posters just reminded he. He is a teacher and should be looking over his shoulder for any signs of impropriety. If I was a male in this day and age, I would be watching myself so that no one could ever accuse me of doing something inappropriate. I know there are many cases of false accusations and I do not allow my husband to do anything that could open the door for one. It bothers me that a man in this position is willing to risk so much. Why? Ulterior motives?
Thanks for all inputs. Sorry I've not been able to get back. Things has been busy lately.
As for my daughter's father, he has not been in her life for a while. He had a serious drinking problem which led me to leave him.
However I really like Sonic Spork idea. I don't want to accuse someone of anything, especially something as serious as this. Like as I say he haven't even did anything that I question. I'm just more worried about the fact my daughter is talking with him. At same time I do appreciate someone who seems to be willing to take time out of their life for my daughter. But it still feel bit uneasy because of the age difference and of course the fact that this man is older than her and a decent looking man.
I should be heading to the gym tonight to pick my daughter up and I will try as Sonic Spork suggested.
Thanks
Good for you. I for one appreciate your open mindedness that he can, quite possibly, be acting as a friend. And, since you have shared that your daughter's father is not in the picture, it isn't at all surprising that she would be looking for a male role model. I hope things work out for all involved.
So, the fact is that no one on this forum is in any position to categorically state that this man's intentions are harmless. There is no way to know that simply based on what has been posted.
Again, going with the statistics, its more than likely that his intentions are completely harmless.
But, given that they may not be, it seems entirely reasonable for a parent to make it known to him that she knows he is communicating with her daughter on FaceBook.
I have personally only known of two men who were sexual predators of children. One was the former husband of a co-worker. He taught music lessons. He ended up confessing to sexually abusing the kids he was giving piano lessons to in a suicide letter after one of the kids threatened to tell. He was married with a young son. The other was a mental health counselor who worked with children and teenagers. Clearly, in both cases, these would have been men that parents trusted with their children. I knew the second man personally and it blew my mind when I found out what he had been doing (trying to meet young teen boys for sex on the internet), he seemed completely normal and I never got even a whiff of a bad vibe off him.
Agh! Another one! Keep perpetuating the myth that the majority of men are pedophiles, and we will never reach a level of trust.
^^^This^^^. I couldn't agree more with this observation.
I can't tell you how many times I've had the presumption of pervert cast upon me for no good reason, especially with my hobbyist photography. Once 3 years ago a girl about 10 or so saw my son, who was 1, was adoring his cuteness, and proceeded to pick him up and hold him WITHOUT ASKING ME. I just saw it as a sweet tender moment, & took a photo. She didn't mind at all. Her mother, on the other hand, asked me to delete the photo with the usual "I don't know you" nonsense. I refused, politely, saying I had the right to photograph my own child as much as I pleased (actually it's perfectly legal to photograph OTHER people's children in public too, totally legal) and that she needed to quit being so paranoid.
More recently, I was taking scenic photos at a lake, and not at all trying to zoom in on a sunbather's private parts or such, yet visitors took offense and asked the lake owners to ask me to stop taking photos. One of them flat-out admitted that when she saw me apparently by myself (my wife & kids were there too they just failed to notice that) it automatically caused them to suspect me.
I'm sick of it. I can't help that I was born a man anymore than a woman can help that she was born a woman, and I like hobbyist photography of the public arena and such is perfectly legal, and I shouldn't have to put up with the stereotyping "lone male with fancy camera=pervert" type of nonsense.
Most importantly: I don't just blame the perverts, I blame the others who assume the worst about me. It's on THEM to make the distinction & not stereotype. That perverts exist does not absolve them of this common decency.
^^^This^^^. I couldn't agree more with this observation.
I can't tell you how many times I've had the presumption of pervert cast upon me for no good reason, especially with my hobbyist photography. Once 3 years ago a girl about 10 or so saw my son, who was 1, was adoring his cuteness, and proceeded to pick him up and hold him WITHOUT ASKING ME. I just saw it as a sweet tender moment, & took a photo. She didn't mind at all. Her mother, on the other hand, asked me to delete the photo with the usual "I don't know you" nonsense. I refused, politely, saying I had the right to photograph my own child as much as I pleased (actually it's perfectly legal to photograph OTHER people's children in public too, totally legal) and that she needed to quit being so paranoid.
More recently, I was taking scenic photos at a lake, and not at all trying to zoom in on a sunbather's private parts or such, yet visitors took offense and asked the lake owners to ask me to stop taking photos. One of them flat-out admitted that when she saw me apparently by myself (my wife & kids were there too they just failed to notice that) it automatically caused them to suspect me.
I'm sick of it. I can't help that I was born a man anymore than a woman can help that she was born a woman, and I like hobbyist photography of the public arena and such is perfectly legal, and I shouldn't have to put up with the stereotyping "lone male with fancy camera=pervert" type of nonsense.
Most importantly: I don't just blame the perverts, I blame the others who assume the worst about me. It's on THEM to make the distinction & not stereotype. That perverts exist does not absolve them of this common decency.
LRH
Of course you are allowed to pursue your hobby, even in our "guilty until proven innocent" society.
HOWEVER ...
What you have described is completely different than the situation described by the OP.
A more parallel situation would be if you were inviting kids into your home to be photographed. If it were out of the public view, without the consent or knowledge of the parent, it crosses a boundary that is there for a reason.
A true mentor works through the family. This teacher the OP describes has not done that and so has not proved himself to be trustworthy. For them to be friends on Facebook, one of the two of them had to look up the other one. The relationship is not necessarily the problem; the "privacy/secrecy" is.
At any rate, I think we've all hit on the male equivalent of sl*t-shaming.
I would just talk to the teacher to be completely honest. Say she left her fb up and as a mother you saw she had a new message so you were just checking on her.
Tell him your feelings, you have a young daughter who is very impressed by him and he is a handsome athletic man so you could see why she would feel the need to impress him.
Just mention that you appreciate him being there as a mentor as she doesn't have an active father in her life. As a mother, you worry as any good mother would in that situation. Just make it known you keep an eye on her and if he feels like the daughter may have different motives that he needs to cut back on contact, etc.
Everyone posting to do nothing and it's "most likely harmless" must not have 15 yr old daughters. That's crazy talk, just talk to the guy. You don't have to be accusatory at all, but everyone should be aware it's happening.
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