Kid talking with older people? (activities, 16 year old, student, pupil)
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To the folks discussing the whole gender role reversal...
A lot of this just depends on the people involved. Society wants to assume that a teenage girl getting it on with an adult man is a "victim" of some kind, which to me is absurd. Sure it's true sometimes. And older guys should know better. But from 14-18 I was the girl whose Mom was weak minded and wanted to be a "best friend" and I was getting away with anything in my own walkout basement of a dungeon bedroom. I absolutely was pursuing adult men, and bagging them as my conquests from time to time. I was victim only to my own poor judgment, but let me tell you I made it VERY hard for those guys to say no. I was a bit of a predator myself. And if somehow one of the guys I seduced was brought up on charges, it would have been a crying shame, because they didn't deserve it. Fortunately, nothing bad really came of any of this, I dodged disease and pregnancy, at least until I was grown and had my kids and stayed faithfully married to their father for...good lord...16 long years now! But I turned out pretty darned OK.
Point of ramble: There are all kinds of situations and in a perfect world they'd each be judged on their own merits.
I still don't get the vibe, personally, that this guy means any harm. I think that letting him know Mom is seeing the communications, by thanking him respectfully, is the best and most tactful way to sound out the situation. From there, you follow your mom-instincts and act appropriately.
While the overwhelming majority of men are not pedophiles, the truth is that pedophiles seek out roles where they will have regular contact with children (school, scouts, camp counselor, etc). They do this because this provides them with a hunting ground for vulnerable victims. They then subtly begin grooming them, and this usually begins with innocuous conversation.
While odds are that he is not a sexual predator, nothing you have shared in this thread convinces me that he is not one.
And I realize that it is terrible that normal men end up feeling questioned about their involvement with children due to the fact that pedophiles have put so many parents on alert.
In the late 50's when I was in kindergarten, it was a 2 room school and the 5th/6th grade teacher was also the principal. A younger attractive man who worked with 3 of the girls after school on "gymnastics". No one thought anything of it. This was the 50's and a small town. One of the girls became pregnant by him at which time it was learned that he had sexual relations with all 3 girls.
Opportunity is there and the age difference is just enough to make it sexually charged. I don't so much understand why a 15 year old girl needs a mentor. She should be spending time on FB with girl and boy friends her own age. I would put space here and if I knew some other mothers, I would just casually feel out the situations with their girls and this instructor. I'm betting the daughter has a major crush on the teacher. The teacher may or may not be a perv but opportunity exists if he so desires. I actually saw a middle school teacher once just eating up the attention the girls were giving him, yuck! So many people these days don't have a clue about boundaries. If it feels good, do it!
I was talking with a friend whose daughter is an elite swimmer, she said the coaches communicate with all the swimmers via FB. According to her it's very common for the coaches to message the swimmers to discuss diet, injuries, training, etc.
I was talking with a friend whose daughter is an elite swimmer, she said the coaches communicate with all the swimmers via FB. According to her it's very common for the coaches to message the swimmers to discuss diet, injuries, training, etc.
Do they discuss boys they like, etc? This communication method is very common. Our church youth choir director texts my teens all the time, and their bosses communicate through FB and text. But not about personal issues, and we knew in advance that would be the primary communication method.
"When is our next meet/game/practice?" is one thing.
"How should I tell this boy I like him?" is another.
I was talking with a friend whose daughter is an elite swimmer, she said the coaches communicate with all the swimmers via FB. According to her it's very common for the coaches to message the swimmers to discuss diet, injuries, training, etc.
As did my sons when they provided tutoring for SAT bound students. They were college aged, and post college aged males, working with teens, who sometimes were female. One girl in particular wasn't interested in meeting at a library or study center, she wanted to meet at Starbucks. And my son was fine with it, because Starbucks was closer to the house. Was she hoping one of her friends saw her with an older guy? Who cares? My sons were never interested in pursuing the infatuations of young girls. And, I don't think most guys are.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wmsn4Life
Do they discuss boys they like, etc? This communication method is very common. Our church youth choir director texts my teens all the time, and their bosses communicate through FB and text. But not about personal issues, and we knew in advance that would be the primary communication method.
"When is our next meet/game/practice?" is one thing.
"How should I tell this boy I like him?" is another.
This teen in particular doesn't have a male in her home life to ask. Maybe she just wants to get a male perspective.
I hope the OP comes back and lets us know how the conversation went with the instructor.
To the folks discussing the whole gender role reversal...
A lot of this just depends on the people involved. Society wants to assume that a teenage girl getting it on with an adult man is a "victim" of some kind, which to me is absurd. Sure it's true sometimes. And older guys should know better. But from 14-18 I was the girl whose Mom was weak minded and wanted to be a "best friend" and I was getting away with anything in my own walkout basement of a dungeon bedroom. I absolutely was pursuing adult men, and bagging them as my conquests from time to time. I was victim only to my own poor judgment, but let me tell you I made it VERY hard for those guys to say no. I was a bit of a predator myself. And if somehow one of the guys I seduced was brought up on charges, it would have been a crying shame, because they didn't deserve it. Fortunately, nothing bad really came of any of this, I dodged disease and pregnancy, at least until I was grown and had my kids and stayed faithfully married to their father for...good lord...16 long years now! But I turned out pretty darned OK.
Point of ramble: There are all kinds of situations and in a perfect world they'd each be judged on their own merits.
I still don't get the vibe, personally, that this guy means any harm. I think that letting him know Mom is seeing the communications, by thanking him respectfully, is the best and most tactful way to sound out the situation. From there, you follow your mom-instincts and act appropriately.
Wow, Nice hearing someone admit to that. reminds me of the 14/15 year old that lived across the street a year ago. I was 23/24 and she would sneak up behind me in my driveway. Tell me very very sexual things. Show up at my front door dressing super trashy. I didnt have too hard of a time saying no since I never had an issue getting laid, but if I was some loser or nerd with no sex that would be harder. A friend moved in with me and I had a very very firm talk with him right when he moved in telling him what was up. Unfortunately she was eaves droppin at the fence the whole time.
It's crappy because the young person has zero to lose so they will do anything while the older person has everything to lose. When I was underage I slept with an older woman at a pool in a hotel and that would've been illegal. I just lied about my age. "I" had nothing to lose.
Well again...considering we are talking about a small proportion of the population... Most men aren't predators. Maybe even fewer women are...in THAT sense at least... But a parent should be on the lookout for any and all, and they do not wear placards to advertise their nature in any case.
Moderator Cut
Kids need protecting from all kinds of trouble they can get up to, perhaps most especially from themselves!
Last edited by Jaded; 07-19-2013 at 06:07 PM..
Reason: Off-topic
^^ If you are raising boys, you should take a look at the book I linked to. Males have a propensity for aggression. But aggression need not be channeled to violence. Aggression as an equivalence to violence is a cultural thing.
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