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I think in some cases it is going to happen no matter what you say or do...
With that said, I think it is *very* important that the kid be able to openly discuss it with his parents. That there be an environment where it would not have to be "secret" or hidden from the parents. And then the parents could discuss having sex responsibly - educate the kid.
i.e. Don't do it, but if you must, it is ok to discuss it with us and ask questions. Then also educate them about pregnancy, paying child support for fathers (there goes that nice car!), losing out on your childhood because you are suddenly a parent (there goes all the fun of being a kid), the use of birth control, and STD's. Also these days being labeled a "sex offender" because one kid is 18 and the other 17.
I think the best thing for boys would be to take them to a court room where they are dealing with dads who are not paying their child support. (Teach them the reality of what they are getting themselves into.)
Read the thread. "Here's a box of condoms, have a good time" is what passes for "important parenting tools". But you're right, that's not cool indifference - it's positive enthusiasm for teen promiscuity.
Differing from my beliefs is not the point. Some parenting philosophies are objectively lazy, bad, and irresponsible. Disagreements about co-sleeping, breastfeeding, spanking, homeschooling and whathaveyou are not on the same level as cooperating with and actively facilitating the sexual activity of teenage children. The mind reels.
What you are failing to recognize is that some teens are not children.
As most posters have pointed out there is a vast difference between a 13 year old child and a 19 year old adult. Technically, both are teens. Most of the parents here (from what I can tell) are clearly talking about older teens, some of whom are adults. But you know this. You just enjoy coming here and playing the moral superiority card. So on that note, I'll bow out and let you have at it. Enjoy.
Our society has changed to the point that it is impossible for a man to be ready to support a family at age 14 (when we were hunters/gatherers this wasn't the case), so teenagers must wait (in frustration) until they have enough schooling to support a family before they can act on their instincts. Realize that by asking teenagers to refrain from sex (which is a natural, healthy act with purposeful consequences) we are going against human nature and it is really hard for them to comply with our societal ideals. I think it makes it easier if they can talk through it (if they are comfortable...my daughter loves to talk about this stuff) and plan. You can hold out for something good if you know what the steps are to getting that good thing. Sweep it under the rug and ask a raging hormonal teen to go against his instincts (the same ones that tell us to eat, to get warm when we're cold, etc.) without a goal and many parents will be disappointed.
The point of sex is to procreate. Anyone not ready for that responsibility should not be having sex.
Our society has changed to the point that it is impossible for a man to be ready to support a family at age 14 (when we were hunters/gatherers this wasn't the case), so teenagers must wait (in frustration) until they have enough schooling to support a family before they can act on their instincts. Realize that by asking teenagers to refrain from sex (which is a natural, healthy act with purposeful consequences) we are going against human nature and it is really hard for them to comply with our societal ideals. I think it makes it easier if they can talk through it (if they are comfortable...my daughter loves to talk about this stuff) and plan. You can hold out for something good if you know what the steps are to getting that good thing. Sweep it under the rug and ask a raging hormonal teen to go against his instincts (the same ones that tell us to eat, to get warm when we're cold, etc.) without a goal and many parents will be disappointed.
The point of sex is to procreate. Anyone not ready for that responsibility should not be having sex.
I agree with the first part of this. Parents should be talking to their teens about their goals and how sex fits into them.
But, I disagree about the goal of sex. It is a possible outcome, but if it was the goal then people such as myself, no longer looking to become pregnant, wouldn't still be having any.
Sex feels good and helps form the close bonds with our partners. The female orgasm isn't necessary for procreation, but still occurs.
Mattie makes a valid point, my teen daughter and I routinely talk about cases where teen girls have a baby, and throw it in the trash. My daughter does not understand why those girls did not go to their Moms for help. She can't even wrap her head around it.
Some girls feel like they can't go to their parents for help, if they get pregnant. That says more about the "parenting" skills, than anything else. Pretty lame. Parents are there to help. Teens don't always make the best decisions. Heck, I am an adult, and don't always make the best choices. But, they should know that no matter what, they can go to their parents and get support and guidance.
Parents, don't ignore "teen sex", and just have an attitude that it won't happen. Don't go all "church lady", and say "My kids will say "No". That is Bristol Palin's message...a year or so after the fact!
I agree with the first part of this. Parents should be talking to their teens about their goals and how sex fits into them.
But, I disagree about the goal of sex. It is a possible outcome, but if it was the goal then people such as myself, no longer looking to become pregnant, wouldn't still be having any.
Sex feels good and helps form the close bonds with our partners. The female orgasm isn't necessary for procreation, but still occurs.
Yeah, there is that part of it. My husband has had a vasectomy, so ikwym. But, if it didn't feel good, there would be much less drive to make babies. Would humanity have died out if sex wasn't physically enjoyable? I think it's all somehow connected.
13 - Everything in your power to stop
14
15
16 - really really try to prevent it, but
17
18 - stop kidding yourself
Its like a sliding scale there. . .the real question is, when do you keep the condoms out . .. .
This ^^ is the scale I would use for my son, NOT my daughter! The one for my daughter woud look like this:
13 - Everything in your power to stop
14 - Everything in your power to stop
15 - Everything in your power to stop
16 - Everything in your power to stop
17 - Everything in your power to stop
18 - Everything in your power to stop
Okay, you can proceed to begin calling me a sexist now
Last edited by El_Waiboi; 10-08-2012 at 11:12 AM..
Reason: typo
This ^^ is the scale I would use for my son, NOT my daughter! The one for my daughter woud look like this:
13 - Everything in your power to stop
14 - Everything in your power to stop
15 - Everything in your power to stop
16 - Everything in your power to stop
17 - Everything in your power to stop
18 - Everything in your power to stop
Okay, you can proceed to begin calling me a sexist now
Don't parents of girls want them to grow up to have a full life, including a healthy sex life?
The person who made the condom comment was referring to a college student, not a child. You simply cannot lump adults who are 18 or 19 years old in with 13 year old middle school kids. By the time someone goes off to college they own their own sexual life, not their parents.
The condom comment, I suppose was mine. My son is 18 and a Freshman in college. When helping him to pack for college we decided that it was only responsible, given the more conservative climate on college campuses these days. He said "I don't need them mom, I'm not involved with anyone!" and I said "you never know".
When I was i college, we woman and men, received condoms in our university mail boxes each Thursday.
Student Heath Services was not encouraging anything. Just being realistic.
I agree Momma, college is different. My groundwork in that regard has been made clear and my son accepted the condoms with no questions after his initial comment.
He does not want to interfere with his education or disrupt his life.
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You just enjoy coming here and playing the moral superiority card. So on that note, I'll bow out and let you have at it. Enjoy.
