Moving with Teenagers (SAHM, parents, children, husband)
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I thought this might be the best forum to open up this topic. Sorry if it's been discussed before; I did search. I promise!
I have 3 kids; the oldest graduates this year. We have committed to staying put until then. I have a spouse who is desperate to relocate--job issues--well, probably more than job issues, but he's been talking long and loud about moving. A few years ago, I thought I was going to have an opportunity down south but it didn't come through the way we expected. So we stayed put. In the meantime, the kids got older. The sophomore now a senior. The 7th grader now a freshman. The 1st grader now in 3rd grade.
Now I might have an opportunity out west, in a city where we've both lived before but where my kids haven't. We've been in our town for 11 years now. Considering the instability I had as a kid, this is amazing to me.
I'm torn. This could be a great job. The pay is more than double what I make now. I like the location a lot (in fact, I never wanted to move away from there--but that was before kids). But then I think--I'd rather not have such a high stress job but my husband is not working. In fact, I wish I could be a SAHM now but I haven't been able to do that in a long time because of our finances.
There's a possibility that they might let me work out some remote/commute type of thing but we're talking way more than just a few hundred miles.
Maybe it's my own childhood coloring things but I wish I could just find a way to stay put and let my kids finish school here. They have so many friends and are so settled. Then again, where I'd most likely end up is also a great town/great school system.
Have you approached the subject with your kids? They might be open to a move, you never know!
I know it's tough though! I want to move as well, but I have a 9th grader, 6th grader, and 2nd grader. I don't want to move them, especially the one in high school, so I stay put. I know I could make a lot more money in another city though. I'm in a coastal resort area and the pay scale here doesn't reflect the cost of living. I'm stuck in my current school district b/c I don't want to move my kids. I know I could force them to move, but I don't want to do that. I went to 4 different high schools myself.
The 9th grader was open last year but now that he's started HS, he says he's leaning towards wanting to stay here. The 3rd grader doesn't want to go but probably would have the easiest time. We made the commitment that at least one parent was going to be here through the remainder of this school year so the senior could finish up. So that leaves the option of (if I take the job), picking up the younger two and moving mid-year which might be easier--they go right into a new school and don't have to spend the summer missing their friends--or wait until the end of the school year and we all go together.
IMO you are the parents and you must do what you and spouse feel is best overall for your family. I think it is good to let a senior finish out a school year, but beyond that.........me, I 'd go on with the younger two.
I guess I am old school and believe children do not have the absolute power of decision making for a family. Their input is valuable, but life can't come to a screeching halt because Johnny doesn't 'want' to........Adults know the overall picture best and should act accordingly.
good luck
( we moved the summer before DD went to her senior year...I am glad to report she survived rather well in fact!)
I live in one of the most expensive areas of the country in which to live. The town where I live is spendy too, as the school system is excellent. There used to be a much bigger gap between COL here and COL there, but in recent years, COL has shot up there. It's still not what it is here, though the area where I'd want to move (best schools) is somewhat spendier than the other areas in the metro. Still cheaper than here, though.
I understand your dilemma, findinghome-we too have had a long delayed move, and I've seen my high school freshman become a junior. If our move happens soon (it may) he will stay here with my folks and finish school, because he's so far in now and in a program that is not typically available elsewhere (electromech, at a tech high school).
I also have a 7th grader, 5, 3 and K kids also. I'm so very hoping to get settled before the 7th grader starts high school-I think time is on my side with him. The younger kids I'm not so worried about-they adapt well at that age.
With your oldest being a freshman, this would probably be the latest I"d move-I think if you get settled before 10 grade, they'd be fine. I don't know that I'd move much later than that. I think your situation sounds similar to mine-seems like it's either move soon, or don't move at all. Honestly? I'd do it, I think now is the time. It's the time for me too.
You are lucky that you have family where you can leave him behind. Leaving the freshman behind for 4 years is not an option of course, but having one of us stay behind for the senior, and then having him possibly finish out the year by living with friends of ours (after college applications are in) is a possibility. That might enable me to move with the younger two sometime during the school year. Once again, with the freshman, that poses a problem. He plays football, so I'd like to wait until after football season. I've been thinking about this and I think the ideal time to move with him would be right before the start of the spring sports season.
Ironically, the senior's first choice of schools is about 90 miles away from where my new job opportunity is!
Don't know how much this helps but I do think that moving during the school year is sometimes better for the kids. I've moved both mid-year and summertime. If you move in the summer there is little opportunity for them to meet new friends and they may feel isolated. If they are able to start in their new school right away, they can meet new friends right away too. I wouldn't do it too close to the end of the school year though if you want them to be able to make friendships with kids they can get together with outside of school during the summer. Plus, I think it is harder to transition with different curriculums near the end of the year. Most schools have a lull or start a new semester right after the winter holidays and it tends to be a good time to make the switch.
IMO you are the parents and you must do what you and spouse feel is best overall for your family. I think it is good to let a senior finish out a school year, but beyond that.........me, I 'd go on with the younger two.
I guess I am old school and believe children do not have the absolute power of decision making for a family. Their input is valuable, but life can't come to a screeching halt because Johnny doesn't 'want' to........Adults know the overall picture best and should act accordingly.
good luck
( we moved the summer before DD went to her senior year...I am glad to report she survived rather well in fact!)
I agree.
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rather well in fact!)
