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I am shocked about the CP doled out to teens that you described - if you believe in using CP as discipline, then once that kid hits about five years of age, spanking is too late to be effective as far as I'm concerned - that ship has sailed.
I don't believe in CP or even "swatting" - this is not setting our children up to know how to deal with the real world, unless in the real world your boss comes up to you and swats you on the tush for missing a meeting or losing a file. Think about it.
I was spanked by both parents throughout my childhood, and many times because they had lost control of their own temper. Once a parent loses control of their temper, they are no longer teaching or disiplining effectively. I have forgiven my parents for this and we have a very close relationship to this day. I think the biggest problem I experienced wasn't necessarily the physical pain, but the humiliation and demoralization I felt - I would never subject anyone to that.
When my son was going through his "terrible threes" he got an occasional hand slap, but only when he did something in defiance of what I had just got through explaining to him not to do. He was challenging me - testing the waters, and I was setting the boundaries. This happened maybe three times in his whole life. I just got a call today from one of his teachers from last year, and she referred to him as her "adopted son". I don't go around bragging about how great my kids are (so many of us tend to) but when outside parties rave about how great your child is, then you know you're doing something right.
ugh, that was very well said.
I just don't get it. People try to justify their spanking: well it's occasional swat ,it's not beating, it doesn't "really" hurt. So, then first of all: so then what's the point, why can't you just avoid that? What are you achieving exactly? And secondly: what does it really have to do with physical pain in the first place? Emotional pain can be far more damaging.
Also, just because a mother spanks but still has a decent relationship with her children doesn't make it right.
I'm curious, do you spank your kids? Or if you don't have kids do you support spanking?
I know I was spanked. It seems everyone I know, If they were spanked they support spanking kids, and if they weren't they think it's barbaric and cruel.
So what do you think?
I was spanked. I do not spank any more. I think spanking can be helpful and it should be done in moderation and at the parent's discretion NOT the governments. I also think not every parent should spank and not all children need to be spanked. All that being said it seems to have worked very well for my parents.
I dont spank my son as often as I need to. I try to talk to him and all that stuff and it doesnt work. He is rude and disrespectful to me. Talks back the whold nine. When he stays at grandmas my mom doesnt put up with his crap and she beats his behind. And guess what he doesnt give her an ounce of trouble. I dont spank him that much but maybe I should start. He might behave.
I'm not sure I connect learning to respect adults with being physically assaulted as a child. Good way to install fear though.
You actually state that your own children are respectful of adults, without ever having been spanked. What was your aversion to corporal punishment with them? Any why do you think that you were able to convey such a lesson to them, without resorting to "pummeling"?
Parents can discipline their children without spanking. You pretty much stated so yourself. And I think that children should be taught they are entitled to be safe, especially within their own home. And parents should be their children's protectors not their tormentors.
Sara
I sure made the connection, didn't take me long either. I simply said I learned at a very young age what the outcome would be from my parents and while I didn't necessarily agree with their discipline, it worked and didn't make me a criminal, murderer, drug abuser or any other such thing. You are absolutely right, parents can discipline without spanking, but I've seen kids that just might benefit from a parent with a spine too. I just don't think society should be so quick to judge a parent, obviously there are exceptions, I don't think spanking is anything to get too excited about.
I dont spank my son as often as I need to. I try to talk to him and all that stuff and it doesnt work. He is rude and disrespectful to me. Talks back the whold nine. When he stays at grandmas my mom doesnt put up with his crap and she beats his behind. And guess what he doesnt give her an ounce of trouble. I dont spank him that much but maybe I should start. He might behave.
Sounds like there is a lack of respect on his behalf towards his mom. Sorry that don't recall if you've mentioned before, but how old is he? Maybe a combination of some firm, very firm, discussions in conjunction with a firm spanking might over the course of time turn the tide for you? Maybe also have your mom discuss such with him too - letting him know that he should respect all, not just her? Just some thoughts... Best of luck to you tho'.
I dont spank my son as often as I need to. I try to talk to him and all that stuff and it doesnt work. He is rude and disrespectful to me. Talks back the whold nine. When he stays at grandmas my mom doesnt put up with his crap and she beats his behind. And guess what he doesnt give her an ounce of trouble. I dont spank him that much but maybe I should start. He might behave.
My 9 year old daughter got out of control with her disrespect for a while. I tried everything. Grounding to her room, no tv, no computer, long sit down talks about WHY she couldn't treat/talk to me that way. How it made me feel, how it made her look to others, etc, etc.....
One night I'd had it. It had been quite a while since she'd been spanked. She was SO nasty to me and I just couldn't take it anymore. She got a good spanking! On her butt, with my hand. I sent her to her room, went in and told her that enough was enough. I explained all the things I'd tried to get her to understand. We went over all the punishments she'd had for disrespecting me. Then I told her she was going to get spanked for it because nothing else had worked. She got spanked and it has been almost 9 months and things are SO much better. If she starts to get disrespectful now I look her in the eye and tell her she will not treat/talk to me that way. She apologises!!!! It worked great. That was the last time she got spanked for anything. Talking things out works a lot better now than it used to.
My 9 year old daughter got out of control with her disrespect for a while. I tried everything. Grounding to her room, no tv, no computer, long sit down talks about WHY she couldn't treat/talk to me that way. How it made me feel, how it made her look to others, etc, etc.....
Did you try figuring out why she acts that way prior to your array of punishments?
I wasn't there and don't know how it all went down (obviously), but just from your list alone:
Grounding - punishment
No TV - punishment
No computer - punishment
I'm trying to figure out if you feel that spanking completely could have not been avoided.
Last edited by max's mama; 09-21-2007 at 12:27 PM..
Did you try figuring out why she acts that way prior to your array of punishments?
I wasn't there and don't know how it all went down (obviously), but just from your list alone:
Grounding - punishment
No TV - punishment
No computer - punishment
I'm trying to figure out if you feel that spanking completely could have not been avoided.
The spanking was the final draw. But it was the one that worked. Yes, we did talk about WHY she was acting that way. We talked about things she could do about them. We had many long talks. All the other punishments did not work. This was an ongoing (probably 6months) problem, and it finally got to the point she needed to be spanked. She didn't care what I did, she wasn't going to be respectful. She was going to push, push, push and she KNEW what she was doing was wrong.
The spanking was the final draw. But it was the one that worked. Yes, we did talk about WHY she was acting that way. We talked about things she could do about them. We had many long talks. All the other punishments did not work. This was an ongoing (probably 6months) problem, and it finally got to the point she needed to be spanked. She didn't care what I did, she wasn't going to be respectful. She was going to push, push, push and she KNEW what she was doing was wrong.
Got it.
So do you think whatever reason she was acting that way dissappeared after the spanking or is she still harboring it inside? Since you guys never seemed to figure out what was wrong that time.
I just wonder, because I hope this behaviour doesn't repeat again.
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