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Sometimes kids don't listen because they want to see what they can get away with. They want to see how far they can get before we will actually DO something about it. It's funny, this weekend my 10 year old daughter started up with the nasty talk again after being gone at a school function for 2 days. It isn't being tolerated. She obviously didn't get enough sleep while she was gone and was over tired. She is now going to be spending today and tomorrow in her room thinking about how she treats the other people in this family. She can do her chores and her homework, then off to her room and only out for dinner and her shower. She can talk to me about her frustrations and we will discuss them (again). She'll also catch up on her rest.
I will say that I did not spank her because I was angry. I WAS upset that no matter what I did her behavior still continued. I do not spank often. But there are rules in my house and there are consiquences. If you choose to break the rules then you deal with the consiquences. The consiquences change for every situation. At 9 or 10 years old you know when you are doing something wrong. She chose to do it over and over and the punishments didn't help break the cycle. Disrespecting your parents is one of the worst offences if you ask me. The talks were to try to understand and give her a voice and a chance to try to figure out why she was acting that way and give her an alternative way to act outside of being nasty and disrespectful. She chose not to, and I don't care how frustrated you get, you can not break the rules in this house and be disrespectful. She had choices, and made the wrong one over and over again.
Actually your post proved to me once again what I already knew: that spanking works only "short-term" or doesn't work at all.
I humbly disagree - of course, everyone's experience, mileage, and perspectives vary, on this or regarding just about any sensitive subject. In my life, both as a child and also as a parent, such worked - long-time.
I humbly disagree - of course, everyone's experience, mileage, and perspectives vary, on this or regarding just about any sensitive subject. In my life, both as a child and also as a parent, such worked - long-time.
ShadowCaver, I am not a "know-it" all, I don't have the answers, nobody does. I'm also a mother who is learning what's best. I look up to mothers like Treeg26, who has multiple children and still keeps her sanity, I look for advice from others. I have my certain opinions/beliefs, yes. I don't deny it or nor I will apologize for it. When I see a specific situation where I can see that my conviction is correct, I will point it out. Whether or not I'm right, who knows. If it worked for you as a child, that's good. I found living in a non-spanking household absolutely wonderful, not just that it worked, it did wonders for me.
Actually, I am agreeing with you more than you realize - I/we also believe in firm yet honest and loving discipline, only when such is truly warranted. However, all I am saying [trying to say! ] is that one or two swats ever [had posted such before in this thread if recall] on my tail as a whippersnapper and then about the same amount on these two ruggers, that is all that it took. The kids here have never been spanked more than that - and they recall such, and [to semi-quote them upon asking them at this moment] "know that it was done w/ love to reprimand something that they had done that was not right", and that they "learned that we were serious when we said that that was enough". Guess the only thing that I was trying to say is that I humbly disagreed w/ your conclusion - that you stated w/ such conviction, as proof, that 'spanking was only good for short-term'. Was just trying to give ya an of an example from a slightly different side. No offense was intended...
Actually, I am agreeing with you more than you realize - I/we also believe in firm yet honest and loving discipline, only when such is truly warranted. However, all I am saying [trying to say! ] is that one or two swats ever [had posted such before in this thread if recall] on my tail as a whippersnapper and then about the same amount on these two ruggers, that is all that it took. The kids here have never been spanked more than that - and they recall such, and [to semi-quote them upon asking them at this moment] "know that it was done w/ love to reprimand something that they had done that was not right", and that they "learned that we were serious when we said that that was enough".
I wonder though that it wasn't a spanking but your ability to communicate what really made the difference.
Quote:
Guess the only thing that I was trying to say is that I humbly disagreed w/ your conclusion - that you stated w/ such conviction, as proof, that 'spanking was only good for short-term'. Was just trying to give ya an of an example from a slightly different side. No offense was intended...
I know, I wasn't offended. I still feel/think the same though, but we will agree to disagree on this one.
No kid is going to get punished for something once and never repeat the behavior. Period. I won't have to spank her for it again. She knows what she did, and it isn't happening every day anymore. Like I said, she was over-tired. Isn't that when most bad behavior comes up? The spanking did work. I'd say it worked pretty darn well, seeing it's been at least 6 months since we've had any problems with the disrespect. And as I said before it was ALL THE TIME. Enough was enough. She was warned again and again and that was it. Spanking works. It isn't done out of anger and trying to make my kid ashamed. It is actually done because I DO love my child.
No kid is going to get punished for something once and never repeat the behavior. Period. I won't have to spank her for it again. She knows what she did, and it isn't happening every day anymore. Like I said, she was over-tired. Isn't that when most bad behavior comes up? The spanking did work. I'd say it worked pretty darn well, seeing it's been at least 6 months since we've had any problems with the disrespect. And as I said before it was ALL THE TIME. Enough was enough. She was warned again and again and that was it. Spanking works. It isn't done out of anger and trying to make my kid ashamed. It is actually done because I DO love my child.
Treeg26, I hope you don't think I'm questioning you as a disciplinarian. Please, kindly understand that I'm having a discussion, because I'm trying to understand the logic behind it, but I hope you don't get offended.
You are saying that most bad behaviour comes from being over-tired. Then if you already know the reason, why punish for that? Why not just say: "look, you are overtired, you are obviously taking out frustration on us. I will not take it personal, because I know that if you felt better, you would not talk to us that way. Let's regroup once you feel better."
Famous Dr. Greene said: "Children will do great if they can, but if they can't we need to help them"
Do she really sit in her room and think about what she did wrong?...or is she just waiting out? When my 10 year old niece acts up, I actually hug her and hold her, because I know something is wrong, otherwise she wouldn't mistreat me. She starts to wail and cry on my shoulder and then she is totally ok, because she was able to let out her hurts and she didn't need to be rude anymore. All children are different, so I'm just bringing my own example, not suggesting you should do the same.
Of course you love your child, but I think what's more important is how a child sees and perceives your love. A child is over-tired and cranky, sending her to her room when she is in distress...do you think she knows that it's done out of love? If yes, then you are a damn good translator of your feelings.
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However, all I am saying [trying to say! 
