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This is slightly off topic, and sort of a vent, but here goes.
The elementary school where I teach has had many problems with parents walking their children to the classroom and helping them off with their coats, unpacking their school bags, going into the classroom & straightening their child's desk, etc long after the child should be able to do it by themselves (first or second grade).* In addition to the children not being independent there would be groups of five or six (or more) parents inside and outside of each classroom chatting while the teacher was trying to get the students starting on their school day.
It was also a security problem because it was difficult to monitor all of those parents. It would have been easy for a "stranger" to just walk in with the parents and children.
* Heck, most of my three and four year old early childhood special education students are independent and skilled enough to take off their own coats and unpack their own school bags.
This year the new principal changed the entrance procedures and all of the students enter by the front door (instead of waiting on the playground with their parents and then walking in multiple entrances when the bell rang). There are teachers and aides supervising both inside and outside the building and parents aren't supposed to walk their children inside.
It is amazing how many parents feel that "the rules don't apply to me". Almost one quarter of the school year is almost over and still there are about 15 or 20 parents walking their 4K, 5K and first graders to their classroom "to make sure that they don't get lost". How can they get lost walking down one hallway? I see the parents taking off their children's coats and hanging them up, emptying their school bags, putting their lunch bag in the box, etc. The staff also worries about security. We have occasionally stopped someone who didn't look familiar and were told "I'm Billy's uncle" or "I'm Jenny's grandpa".
It is frustrating for the teachers who are trying keep all of the children safe and secure as well as build age appropriate self help skills and independence.
The principal has tried to get some of these parents to stop coming inside but it has been difficult.
Sorry for the long vent. But sometimes these "helicopter parents" can be a problem in ways that you don't automatically imagine.
Wow! That is a little strange that they were allowed to even do that before the new principal!
I walk my children to school, ( we are walkers- no bus service as option, too close), but I walk them to their entrance & that is it.
If a parent/grandparent,etc.. Need to go into the school for any reason, they must enter thru the school office, sign in,show id and then be "buzzed" into the school.
I am definitely not a "helicopter" parent at school. Many,many parents I know go & have lunch withntheir children every day and will take every single opportunity to volunteer in their child's classroom only so they can monitor what is going on... They are the 1st ones to be upset if they didn't get picked to chaperone a field trip and will sometimes ask if they can follow behind.. I do not do this..
So, when I say call me a " helicopter parent" because I won't allow my kids to walk or ride their bikes to a friends' house alone, I guess I am on the liberal side of being one
Last edited by NYMD67; 10-24-2012 at 08:42 PM..
Reason: Typos!
Have never heard this term. I was taken back by reading this article about an Easter Egg Hunt that was cancelled because of the parents. I hope this isn't the norm today in parenting.
Sadly, 'helicopter parenting' has become the norm, and that's reaaallly depressing.
When I was a kid, the rules were very simple: call when you got to your friend's house, tell someone where you're going and be back before 5:00. Granted, we lived in a small town (almost everyone knew each other), so there wasn't that much risk, but....now, it's at the point where we pretty much can't let our kids into the backyard without an armed security detail.
Is it any wonder obesity is on the rise? We're scared to let our kids out of our sight, and the leash is so tight that when they discover that they can't get away and be kids for even ten minutes, they plunk down in front of the TV for lack of anything real to do.
As a result, they get their role-models from 'reality television', where they learn that 'getting ahead in life' requires backstabbing, double-crossing, and frankly, enough sexual manipulation to make the Borgia family look positively saintly.
Sadly, 'helicopter parenting' has become the norm, and that's reaaallly depressing.
When I was a kid, the rules were very simple: call when you got to your friend's house, tell someone where you're going and be back before 5:00. Granted, we lived in a small town (almost everyone knew each other), so there wasn't that much risk, but....now, it's at the point where we pretty much can't let our kids into the backyard without an armed security detail.
Is it any wonder obesity is on the rise? We're scared to let our kids out of our sight, and the leash is so tight that when they discover that they can't get away and be kids for even ten minutes, they plunk down in front of the TV for lack of anything real to do.
As a result, they get their role-models from 'reality television', where they learn that 'getting ahead in life' requires backstabbing, double-crossing, and frankly, enough sexual manipulation to make the Borgia family look positively saintly.
*Sighs* Sorry for ranting....
Do you even have children? Sounds like YOU are the one getting their ideas from watching too much reality television.
I also think a lot of the problems with parenting also lead back to the internet. When we were young, if Mom wanted some advice, she called her closest friends and her mom. Those people know her, know her situation and know her life. Now parents go online and get advice from strangers who don't know her, her morals, her general outlook on life, or her life.
We also have access to news stories that we never would have heard before. 20 years ago, we probably wouldn't have heard about the girl in CO, or the girl in NJ. We probably never would have heard about the girl who shot the intruder or the girl who called 911 and ran outside and hid when intruders were in her house. Now, we know a lot about those cases. The internet has made the world a much smaller place. It seems like these things happen much more than they did in the past and it seems so much closer to home.
Then when you add in all of the comments you see on these news stories "What kind of mother leaves her 12 year old at home alone to go get medicine when the child is home sick?" "Why would they let a 10 year old walk alone 1 block in her neighborhood?"
So, we hear about these stories more and you hear people's judgement about what the mother did wrong in every one of the situations. Parents can do nothing right anymore. You either hover too much and get called a helicopter parent, or you are neglecting your kids by letting them ride their bike without sitting outside watching them every second.
I am tired of the judgement that I hear online and IRL. Many parents are doing the best that they can based on their upbringing and current circumstances.
I also think a lot of the problems with parenting also lead back to the internet. When we were young, if Mom wanted some advice, she called her closest friends and her mom. Those people know her, know her situation and know her life. Now parents go online and get advice from strangers who don't know her, her morals, her general outlook on life, or her life.
We also have access to news stories that we never would have heard before. 20 years ago, we probably wouldn't have heard about the girl in CO, or the girl in NJ. We probably never would have heard about the girl who shot the intruder or the girl who called 911 and ran outside and hid when intruders were in her house. Now, we know a lot about those cases. The internet has made the world a much smaller place. It seems like these things happen much more than they did in the past and it seems so much closer to home.
Then when you add in all of the comments you see on these news stories "What kind of mother leaves her 12 year old at home alone to go get medicine when the child is home sick?" "Why would they let a 10 year old walk alone 1 block in her neighborhood?"
So, we hear about these stories more and you hear people's judgement about what the mother did wrong in every one of the situations. Parents can do nothing right anymore. You either hover too much and get called a helicopter parent, or you are neglecting your kids by letting them ride their bike without sitting outside watching them every second.
I am tired of the judgement that I hear online and IRL. Many parents are doing the best that they can based on their upbringing and current circumstances.
I think this is worth reading a second time.
When I said up thread that I understand the fear that parents experience after being bombarded with stories in the news, what I might not have clearly stated is that just because the news reports it, just because we now all hear about every instance, does not make these situations common relative to much more common risks of daily life. I agree with the posters who say it is not effective to parent out of one's own fear. IMO, it is effective to teach kids to be smart, to supervise them without smothering them, to teach them what to do in any number of situations they may encounter, to teach them how to trust their judgment.
I completely agree with you about the judgments and the armchair quarterbacking. I honestly believe a lot of it comes from parents wanting to be able to reassure themselves "this will never happen to me and mine" - judging other people's parenting, rather than trying to learn how to teach our kids to reasonably address risks, might make people feel better, but I don't believe it makes anyone safer. I thoroughly agree with the posters who said that it is about teaching our kids how to reasonably protect themselves, not throwing them into the world with no guidance when they are toddlers nor hovering over them so they never have to make a decision when they are teenagers. What that is going to look like in different families is going to be...different.
When I said up thread that I understand the fear that parents experience after being bombarded with stories in the news, what I might not have clearly stated is that just because the news reports it, just because we now all hear about every instance, does not make these situations common relative to much more common risks of daily life. I agree with the posters who say it is not effective to parent out of one's own fear. IMO, it is effective to teach kids to be smart, to supervise them without smothering them, to teach them what to do in any number of situations they may encounter.
I completely agree with you about the judgments and the armchair quarterbacking. I honestly believe a lot of it comes from parents wanting to be able to reassure themselves "this will never happen to me and mine" - judging other people's parenting, rather than trying to learn how to teach our kids to reasonably address risks, might make people feel better, but I don't believe it makes anyone safer. I thoroughly agree with the posters who said that it is about teaching our kids how to reasonably protect themselves, not throwing them into the world with no guidance when they are toddlers nor hovering over them so they never have to make a decision when they are teenagers. What that is going to look like in different families is going to be...different.
I agree with you completely. I also think that parents who start out a bit overprotective (it is very easy to do) have a good chance of becoming a helicopter parent BECAUSE they have protected them too much. Parents keep their kid from every failing or falling and scraping a knee, or going up to the counter at Burger King to ask for some ketchup with you watching. Then as they get older, the parent thinks "My child is not ready for that because he has no experience in it. He won't know what to do", so Mom continues to do it for him and protect him. It is a vicious cycle that is hard to break.
Personally, I think I sleep better at night knowing that my daughter can take care of herself and knows how to handle herself in a lot of different situations. I don't think I worry about her as much as some moms I know.
Do you even have children? Sounds like YOU are the one getting their ideas from watching too much reality television.
I know, I'm being a bit hyperbolic, but have you seen an episode of Suvivor or BIg Brother? It's like the entire basis o shows like those is seeing how badly you can screw people over. Is that the example we want to give our kids?
Yes - the world is dangerous. Yes, there are people out there that want to hurt us. To assume the boogeyman is around every corner, though, is the same sort of rampant paranoia that triggered the witch trials in the 19th century, and the McCarthy hearings in the 20th.
We need to step back and figure out just how much danger we're actually in.
I know, I'm being a bit hyperbolic, but have you seen an episode of Suvivor or BIg Brother? It's like the entire basis o shows like those is seeing how badly you can screw people over. Is that the example we want to give our kids?
Yes - the world is dangerous. Yes, there are people out there that want to hurt us. To assume the boogeyman is around every corner, though, is the same sort of rampant paranoia that triggered the witch trials in the 19th century, and the McCarthy hearings in the 20th.
We need to step back and figure out just how much danger we're actually in.
Nope. Have to say I've never seen either one. If my kids occasionally did it wasn't here. Nifty thing about the TV (as well as all kinds of stuff)......the off button and a willingness to use it.
Nope. Have to say I've never seen either one. If my kids occasionally did it wasn't here. Nifty thing about the TV (as well as all kinds of stuff)......the off button and a willingness to use it.
There is an Off button?
Wait... AND I am allowed to use it? Darn. I guess all of my hours protesting Spongebob were wasted. I guess I could have just changed the channel or turned it off, but that would mean that I would have to be an involved parent who decides what I want my child to see. I thought my job as a parent was to bubble wrap the world and make sure that if it wasn't suitable for my kid that NO ONE could enjoy it.
Drat. I have to rethink my entire parenting strategy.
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