Parents.. Are You TOTALLY Honest (ideas, support, playing, school)
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I think there are many ways to let our kids know we were not perfect when we were young without telling them all the intimate things about our youth. Not even spouses need to know about our past unless it affects their future.
Sometimes people divulge too much as a way to deal with the guilt. I think this is possibly why some folks think they need to tell their kids everything. I personally think you can be honest, truthful and a good teacher without possibly ruining the trust and respect a child usually has for a parent.
I know my mother told me way too much about my father and their marriage. I did not need to hear what she told me but she certainly seemed to need to tell it. She should have told a shrink and not me.
I learned from that experience that TMI is a good rule to follow. Think very hard before you decide to spill your guts to your kids. What good can it possibly do for them to have the pins knocked out from under them when they hear you were into things nobody should be into. Again there are many way to let them know you are and were not perfect. I apologize to my kids when I have made a mistake and let them know I too am human, can lose my temper and make not-thought-out decisions.
I think its great that you are so open and honest with your kids but you have nothing to lose being open and honest with them, they do, so when they do tell you something try not to react in a way that will make them feel bad about themselves or make them not want to tell you things out of fear of how you'll react act or the crappy things you may say.
I completely agree.
I don't sit down at the dinner table and start up a conversation about how "dad" went skinny dipping with some friends cause the "Ecstasy" (X) was kicking in.
I'm not judgemental and I'm pretty darn good when it comes to my family. Thanks for the comment.
I don't sit down at the dinner table and start up a conversation about how "dad" went skinny dipping with some friends cause the "Ecstasy" (X) was kicking in.
I'm not judgemental and I'm pretty darn good when it comes to my family. Thanks for the comment.
When I say that I anticipate being honest with my kids, I don't mean that I will divulge these types of details. I am talking in the general sense: yes, I tried pot; yes, I had sex as a teenager; yes, I occasionally had a couple of drinks at a party. There is some information that children and parents simply don't need to know about one another. I'm in my mid-30s, and I would never discuss my sex life with my mother, even though I'm married with children, and I would CERTAINLY never want to discuss HER sex life, past or present!
Here's the thing about being "totally" honest. There's a flip side to that coin.
If you were to be totally honest about your past then you'd also have to admit that whatever it was you did wasn't all bad, didn't always have terrible repercussions, and that - let's be honest - some of it was actually fun.
So I wouldn't be able to stand there with a straight face and tell my teenage daughter that if she gets up to any of the things I did when I was younger (although I was a very good teen - I got wilder in my early adult years) that she's certainly headed down the road to ruin. Because that wouldn't be totally honest.
However, I think there's nothing wrong with explaining the potential consequences of certain behaviors, and how to keep yourself safe, and that while things may seem like fun in the moment, circumstances can take a bad turn when you least expect it, and to be aware of the potential pitfalls.
MrFinsterRufus and I will be explaining that the odds of substance abuse issues are stacked against her because she quite likely has pretty good genes for it, and she needs to be aware of that at all times - and that if she's trying to sneak something past us then it's probably fruitless - but apart from that I think she's going to have to go off and sow her own row, just like we did, and I probably don't need to know all the details, just as she's not going to know all the details about me.
For all us secretive parents, and we do seem to be in the majority here, do you think there will ever come a time when you'll be able to tell your, let's say adult children a lot more about your wayward youth? Not saying everything; Does anyone ever tell anyone else everything? But just much more, say once they are married and settled into their professional and personal lives, say in their 30's?
For all us secretive parents, and we do seem to be in the majority here, do you think there will ever come a time when you'll be able to tell your, let's say adult children a lot more about your wayward youth? Not saying everything; Does anyone ever tell anyone else everything? But just much more, say once they are married and settled into their professional and personal lives, say in their 30's?
For all us secretive parents, and we do seem to be in the majority here, do you think there will ever come a time when you'll be able to tell your, let's say adult children a lot more about your wayward youth? Not saying everything; Does anyone ever tell anyone else everything? But just much more, say once they are married and settled into their professional and personal lives, say in their 30's?
im 33 and still havent told my folks everything i did.
im certainly not telling MY kids what i did.
my grandma told me she tried pot once. I think it scarred me for life (j/k)
but seriously... NO i will not. as far as they are concerned i never had sex, did drugs, went to parties or planned an escape route from a party where i was sure the local sheriff was going to raid the place.
nope. not me.
they can know in very general terms that yes, i know what its like... and no im not going into detail, but i have indeed been down that road.
I was mostly honest with my sons, they didn't need to know everything Given that I was a young Mom, it would have been kind of stupid on my part to try and lie. They can do basic math.
I think it worked in my favor. They respected my opinions and knew that I did understand where they were coming from and what they were dealing with.
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I am talking in the general sense: yes, I tried pot; yes, I had sex as a teenager; yes, I occasionally had a couple of drinks at a party. There is some information that children and parents simply don't need to know about one another. I'm in my mid-30s, and I would never discuss my sex life with my mother, even though I'm married with children, and I would CERTAINLY never want to discuss HER sex life, past or present! 
