Are people getting more self-absorbed? (free, house, best, cell phones) - Other Topics - City-Data Forum

dreameyes · 03-13-2007, 03:09 PM

"Those were the good ol' days" when everbody on the block new eachother and we were all friends and did things for eachother; looked after eachother's kids and had block parties and always had time for friends.

I've heard this foreign talk from people before but unfortunately I don't really relate to it. I moved here from Canada 6 years ago. My husband's family was....to make a long story short...no support (except for one uncle) So here we were with pretty much noone but eachother. We tried so hard to extend ourselves; inviting over new young couples in our neighborhood for dinner. Out of the many couples we tried to friendship we made a "casual" friendship with one. Oftentimes our invitations were met with lame, tired excuses such as "we're too busy". No you're not too busy; it's a matter of priorities. You're not too busy to go over to your families for Sunday dinner so why are you to busy to come over here? Ok we may not be your favorite people in the world but you wouldn't really know would you because you don't really know us. It just seems like so many young people nowadays have lost a sense of kindness and concern for others because they're too wrapped up in their own lives. I mean since I've come here I could come up with quite a few instances where it's just like why?? Why arn't people more courteous? Were did the sincerity go??
Anyways I just wanted to let this out. I don't know if i'm making any sense here.

SpeedyAZ · 03-13-2007, 03:19 PM

Interesting post and a fairly common situation. I tend to think that more and more people keep to themselves nowadays. Everyone is also busier nowadays then years ago. People do their own things and usually are busy.

Quote:

Oftentimes our invitations were met with lame, tired excuses such as "we're too busy". No you're not too busy; it's a matter of priorities. You're not too busy to go over to your families for Sunday dinner so why are you to busy to come over here? Ok we may not be your favorite people in the world but you wouldn't really know would you because you don't really know us. It just seems like so many young people nowadays have lost a sense of kindness and concern for others because they're too wrapped up in their own lives.

Most of the time they have something going on that'd they rather do. Everyone has a set of priorities and going to a neighbor's house for dinner is usually fairly low. Everyone has their own busy life and may not have the time to come over for a visit.

Besides after I get home from work, all I want to do is relax. I usually don't want to go out.

burdell · 03-13-2007, 04:28 PM

[quote=dreameyes;453974
I've heard this foreign talk from people before but unfortunately I don't really relate to it. I moved here from Canada 6 years ago. My husband's family was....to make a long story short...no support (except for one uncle) [/QUOTE]

Where is it that you moved to?

BlueWillowPlate · 03-13-2007, 04:32 PM

I think people do tend to be Me-oriented.
Maybe they have less time, especially if they have kids.
Our child-free friends do seem to have more leisure time.
Is there less courtesy? I am afraid so.
Are younger people less concerned? Perhaps this is true, but the ones I know seem to be sincerely worried about others.
How to resolve this?
I guess we have to somehow get the message across that helping other people, in its own way, can offer the good feeling of relaxation.
We have a 70 year old woman who volunteers 4 hours a day at the local Head Start. She seems pretty mellow.

dreameyes · 03-13-2007, 04:55 PM

burdell, I moved to Salt Lake City

Travel'r · 03-13-2007, 05:33 PM

Honestly, I've noticed that electronics, particularly cell phones, have pretty much replaced face-to-face interaction.

Back when we didn't have a third of these convenience technologies, people did have more time for each other.

Now, with cell phones, answering machines, Internet ... drive thru pharmacies even (!), it takes my own family longer to return a phone call or email! When I was a teen, people would return phone calls. Woudn't take a week or repeated messages left to hear from somebody in your own neighborhood.
And TV's another biggie, too. American Idol & House Wives ... a zillion cable channels. People just don't seem to want to bother with other people as much.
My parents had six kids (before 2 car families and microwaves, even!). My sister has two. You'd think it was the other way around and my sister had 20 kids listening to her!

People are more self absorbed, IMO, with the more "spoiled" they get. My 10 year old neice has a $65.00 cell phone bill, for crying out loud

And nothing, I mean nothing "wows" her at Christmas opening her gifts.

Cosmic · 03-13-2007, 05:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by dreameyes

"Those were the good ol' days" when everbody on the block new eachother and we were all friends and did things for eachother; looked after eachother's kids and had block parties and always had time for friends.

I've heard this foreign talk from people before but unfortunately I don't really relate to it. I moved here from Canada 6 years ago. My husband's family was....to make a long story short...no support (except for one uncle) So here we were with pretty much noone but eachother. We tried so hard to extend ourselves; inviting over new young couples in our neighborhood for dinner. Out of the many couples we tried to friendship we made a "casual" friendship with one. Oftentimes our invitations were met with lame, tired excuses such as "we're too busy". No you're not too busy; it's a matter of priorities. You're not too busy to go over to your families for Sunday dinner so why are you to busy to come over here? Ok we may not be your favorite people in the world but you wouldn't really know would you because you don't really know us. It just seems like so many young people nowadays have lost a sense of kindness and concern for others because they're too wrapped up in their own lives. I mean since I've come here I could come up with quite a few instances where it's just like why?? Why arn't people more courteous? Were did the sincerity go??
Anyways I just wanted to let this out. I don't know if i'm making any sense here.

Naw you make perfect sense, you live in one of them very desirable burb type enviroments where all the lawns look the same, where everybody is stressed and worried about keeping up with the Jones, of coarse they don't even know the Jones, just see them in their new car.

If I lived where you do I would not either know my neigbors, have anytime for anything but myself or be able focus on nothing but myself.

H,mmm where do you live exactly?? I want to be sure to move there next time. Sign me up for your lifestyle, must be somewhere in the Carolina's or vibrant city, whatever that is?????

They sure preach it enough around here. Where is the vibrant city where I can go nuts all for myself? I still think the ideal place is in NC where you can see a wall of brake lights on the way home. Or was it FL, or CA or TN or one of those other places I better hurry and move too.

Yup, no down side to the hot places.

Boston, when in doubt move to Boston. Jees then it would be illegal to complain.

burdell · 03-13-2007, 08:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by dreameyes

burdell, I moved to Salt Lake City

I really hope nobody takes offense as I'm fine with anyone's religious beliefs but if you look at some Idaho threads and maybe some in Utah I think you'll find claims that many in the church of Latter Day Saints seem to have their own agenda and may not be so open with those of other faiths.

JenM · 03-13-2007, 08:54 PM

I really think it depends where you live. Where ever I go, people always say hi or give you a smile. I've had many conversations in the grocery store, at the park, in restaurants, with people I've never meet! I grew up in a real "hustle and bustle" area, where people would never give you the time of day. Since I've moved about 20 north to a smaller town, people are friendlier, down to earth and respectful!

GypsySoul22 · 03-14-2007, 04:57 AM

Your post makes a lot of sense. I feel the same way but at this point I am resigned to just having passing friendships. Everyone is busier or more 'involved' in their own lives for various reasons. Sometimes it is swing shift work (one spouse works days, the other nights) and the parent at home hasn't the time for socializing.

Another trend I see a lot is the parents spend their free time entertaining or ferrying the child(ren) to their activities. It's sort of sad kids have to be overachievers now and if they aren't in 3 sports, studying dance or music plus doing schoolwork there is 'something wrong' with you or them.

I've tried the same route of being 'friendly' to meet other mothers/friends. When my son was small, we joined a playgroup and became friends with another lady who eventually was a foster mom to 2 kids. We were friends for awhile but once my son went to regular school, we sort of lost contact.

I also think kids today don't know how to socialize! We see the same boy every day at the bus-stop, but I and his grandma talk while the two boys (nearly 10 and nearly 9) just sort of stare at each other, maybe saying a few things (both are shy and used to being around adults.) Like you say, electronic media does have a part in this. My best friends now are via the internet.

I do believe there are good people out there. You just have to join something with like minded people and not expect your neighbors to be your friends. I have people here I NEVER see outside (people with young kids...where do they play??). People like to cocoon now.

Maybe with the warmer weather, it will be better for you. Good luck.