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i think unsolicited advice is a result of people wanting to be helpful, however, it's still annoying. It's not my job to validate their egos.
People who like to give advice usually say things that even a child already knows. For example, if i say that so-and-so's political talk aggravates me, they'll immediately say, "don't call them" or "tell them you aren't discussing politics". Duh!! No kidding! I knew that already! How about keeping your opinions to yourself and just listening without judgement? It's so annoying. ultimately, it's more annoying to listen to the advice than to deal with the original problem.
I read an article once that said people who give advice are effectively telling you that they know better than you. It's not really about helping you, it's about one-upping you and letting you know that you should have known better. That you could have gotten a better deal on the car or a better price on the turkey, could have been slicker at the taxes or fooling your boss, etc.
Seems like the definitions of both "unsolicited" and "advice" differ across the various responses.
One thing I've noticed is many folks come across as asking for advice, but really want validation. They want to tell you their problem, then agree with them about how they've been wronged/hurt/offended/whatever. They don't really want to fix the problem so immediately reject any actual advice. "If you don't want my opinion, then why do you keep bringing me your problems?"
Seems like the definitions of both "unsolicited" and "advice" differ across the various responses.
One thing I've noticed is many folks come across as asking for advice, but really want validation. They want to tell you their problem, then agree with them about how they've been wronged/hurt/offended/whatever. They don't really want to fix the problem so immediately reject any actual advice. "If you don't want my opinion, then why do you keep bringing me your problems?"
But not everything is a problem or perceived as a problem by the speaker. Often, as in my case with the friend I no longer see, she gave unsolicited advice about everything. Try having a normal give and take conversation with a person who cannot listen to you without wanting to change what you are saying. Obnoxious! It didn't matter what the topic, what ever I said about myself or my life, was wrong and had to be "fixed."
People who give us unsolicited advice do it because they think they're more intelligent than stupid ol' us. It's very rude.
It's also annoying and insulting.
I recently gave my neighbor a free ride into the city for some important medical tests. Her car had broken down. Instead of just sitting there quietly, grateful for the ride, she kept pointing out every turn, signal light and stop sign, despite being told that I already knew how to get there. I repeatedly asked her to stop, but she continued, while smirking and grinning each time she did it, for the entire 90 minute drive.
She never got another ride from me, not even to the local grocery store.
I love getting advice from knowledgeable people in areas that I need help in, usually I have to ask/beg but sometimes it just happens and I am happy to hear it. Happened this past summer in woodworking shop where members use machines and old guys hang around to make sure nothing bloody happens with saws lol. I got great info I'd never get anywhere else while learning to use a bandsaw.
I am guilty of trying to tell my husband how to drive and he resents it. But he has also appreciated information given in other areas that has been very beneficial so we just try and get along and he puts up with unsolicited advice.
I suggest a hard stare at the person giving stupid advice when not needed, and no words.
I've gotten to the point of only wanting to hear advice from people in the field. For example, unless you work in investing or in a bank, I dont want to hear financial advice. Especially since friends and family won't be objective with that.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Javacoffee
People who give us unsolicited advice do it because they think they're more intelligent than stupid ol' us. It's very rude.
It's also annoying and insulting.
I recently gave my neighbor a free ride into the city for some important medical tests. Her car had broken down. Instead of just sitting there quietly, grateful for the ride, she kept pointing out every turn, signal light and stop sign, despite being told that I already knew how to get there. I repeatedly asked her to stop, but she continued, while smirking and grinning each time she did it, for the entire 90 minute drive.
She never got another ride from me, not even to the local grocery store.
That is annoying and I also wouldn't give her rides.
Quote:
Originally Posted by pullin2
Definitely yes. I've stopped watching almost all TV news because I'm being instructed -- not informed.
Be sure and wear your coat.
Download our weather App!!
Take an alternative route.
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Slow down!
Turn around -- Don't drown!
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Have thick coats for your kids before walking them to the bus stop.
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Spend more time with your kids and read to them.
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Be sure and use your low beams
Download our weather App!!
Be sure to turn on your windshield wipers.
Download our weather App!!
Remember our city is very diverse!
Download our weather App!!
You should go the the State Fair.
Download our weather App!!
Don't walk your dog unless the temperature is...
Be sure to have a secure leash.
Don't forget to vote (but only for the candidate we're telling you to vote for).
Download our weather App!!
Be careful on the ice
Be sure to download our weather App!!
Please, Please, Please stay home today! <- Perky McWeatherTits, haranguing us not to drive on ice.
Be sure to download our weather App!!
Leave your water running at night to avoid freezing.
Be sure to download our weather App!!
Bring your plants in (or out, or whatever).
Be sure to download our weather App!!
Don't leave your pets outside.
Be sure to download our weather App!!
Only use low gears when on ice <- Yeah, our traffic goober actually said this.
Be sure to download our weather App!!
You should try the new Starbuck's (something -- I stopped listening).
Always use appropriate extension cords (with no explanation of what that means).
Make a budget and stick to it for holiday spending!
Download our weather App RIGHT NOW!
I tolerate these yahoos for a few minutes every morning, since my wife likes to watch them. But I never make it more than 5-10 minutes before getting annoyed and leaving for another room.
Yeah, most of that is not what I'm talking about at all.
Yes, as you get older and wiser you already possess a ton of knowledge (especially as it relates to you). So, unless someone just has a normal conversation without telling you what you need to know and what you need to do then it just gets stupid. So, put up your boundaries and people should respect this.
But not everything is a problem or perceived as a problem by the speaker. Often, as in my case with the friend I no longer see, she gave unsolicited advice about everything. Try having a normal give and take conversation with a person who cannot listen to you without wanting to change what you are saying. Obnoxious! It didn't matter what the topic, what ever I said about myself or my life, was wrong and had to be "fixed."
THAT'S what I'm talking about.
And how about those people who interrupt and verbally finish your thought for you? Ever experienced that? That's highly irritating too.
I am no longer friends with someone who did that. I found myself reluctant to begin any type of conversation with her because I knew she'd jump in and complete every sentence I started. Eventually, there was nothing to talk about. The friendship died.
I guess as we age our tolerance for the BS drops. I'd rather stay home and read a book by myself than to lunch with someone who only knows how to talk, and has zero interest in anything I have to say.
And how about those people who interrupt and verbally finish your thought for you? Ever experienced that? That's highly irritating too.
I am no longer friends with someone who did that. I found myself reluctant to begin any type of conversation with her because I knew she'd jump in and complete every sentence I started. Eventually, there was nothing to talk about. The friendship died.
I guess as we age our tolerance for the BS drops. I'd rather stay home and read a book by myself than to lunch with someone who only knows how to talk, and has zero interest in anything I have to say.
Yes! I ran into that once. It's the most bizarre thing. I never became friends with her; but, she became good friends of one of my better friends. I moved so I do not deal with the friend's friend any longer.
I have far less tolerance for those who ask for advice and then never act on it. Otherwise known as askholes.
THIS is actually something that drives me bonkers.
Years back, I had to train someone for a job. I had trained many people before, and I knew what I was talking about. He questioned my methods, and I explained why we did what we did. AS SOON as I got the last word out of my mouth, he went to our supervisor (who's desk was just a few feet away from mine, so I heard the exchange) and asked her about what I had taught him. She ended up basically repeating everything I had told him. When SHE was done, he says "Yeah, that's what I thought." Which made ME sound like I gave him bad advice.
So I had basically wasted an hour of my time, and she had wasted her time, because this clown didn't want to take direction from me.
And how about those people who interrupt and verbally finish your thought for you? Ever experienced that? That's highly irritating too.
I am no longer friends with someone who did that. I found myself reluctant to begin any type of conversation with her because I knew she'd jump in and complete every sentence I started. Eventually, there was nothing to talk about. The friendship died.
I guess as we age our tolerance for the BS drops. I'd rather stay home and read a book by myself than to lunch with someone who only knows how to talk, and has zero interest in anything I have to say.
OH yes. My hairdresser does that. It took me years to learn to just not even try to say anything or answer questions. She'd ask me a question about myself and I'd start answering but before I got more than a few words out she would interrupt and say what (apparently) she expected me to say. And she is always wrong too lol. Now I just let her talk and when she does ask I simply deflect and bring the subject back to her grandkids or whatever. GAH!
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