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On NPR the other day, there was an author, Marisa Franco, saying that men have a difficult time finding friends because they're so terrified that they may be suspected of being gay. Pretty sad.
You're not uncool. Making friends as an adult is just hard
Franco says men often have more trouble making friends than women because of the way society perceives them. Men are also more likely to rely on their romantic partners for a social network.
“There's this phenomenon called homohysteria, which is the fear of being perceived as gay that I think really, really is destructive for men's friendships,†she says. https://www.wbur.org/hereandnow/2021...friends-adults
Truthfully, unless two guys together are hanging out in a sports bar together, fishing, golfing, or shoving five dollar bills in a g-string, there are some idiots who make that assumption about them.
I have a lifelong friend. When we were both single, he was having career problems and needed to talk over it with me. So we meet at this nice restaurant after work to grab a drink. As the place fills up, there are lot of people standing around. My friend and I take no notice, because we're in deep conversation about what he's going to do with his life.
Suddenly there's a woman looming over our table. She's in her mid-forties and has this simpering look about her.
"Excuse me."
"Yes?"
"Are you two gay?" Yes, she really asked us that. Her husband and friends behind her were horrified. I mean, what? Why? How?
Without missing a beat, I replied, "Well, why don't you suck my d*ck and find out?"
Yes, I realize it was not my finest moment, but c'mon. And she actually was beginning to get offended at my reply. Meanwhile, everybody else around us had heard the exchange and start laughing. At her, not me.
Her husband, mortified, apologized and bought our drinks. Then they left.
Truthfully, unless two guys together are hanging out in a sports bar together, fishing, golfing, or shoving five dollar bills in a g-string, there are some idiots who make that assumption about them.
I have a lifelong friend. When we were both single, he was having career problems and needed to talk over it with me. So we meet at this nice restaurant after work to grab a drink. As the place fills up, there are lot of people standing around. My friend and I take no notice, because we're in deep conversation about what he's going to do with his life.
Suddenly there's a woman looming over our table. She's in her mid-forties and has this simpering look about her.
"Excuse me."
"Yes?"
"Are you two gay?" Yes, she really asked us that. Her husband and friends behind her were horrified. I mean, what? Why? How?
Without missing a beat, I replied, "Well, why don't you suck my d*ck and find out?"
Yes, I realize it was not my finest moment, but c'mon. And she actually was beginning to get offended at my reply. Meanwhile, everybody else around us had heard the exchange and start laughing. At her, not me.
Her husband, mortified, apologized and bought our drinks. Then they left.
So, yeah, I kind of get it.
LMAO. OMG I would've love to be there.
I'm curious, was being "gay" a big deal back then and in that area? The reason why I ask is that I'm perplexed that anybody would ask that question to a stranger. What was her motivation? Was she pro-gay or anti-gay?
Your response was wonderful. Brutal and misogynistic, but perfect for her
I'm curious, was being "gay" a big deal back then and in that area? The reason why I ask is that I'm perplexed that anybody would ask that question to a stranger. What was her motivation? Was she pro-gay or anti-gay?
Your response was wonderful. Brutal and misogynistic, but perfect for her
It was the late 80s or early 90s. I'm sure that, to this day, that women thinks I was in the wrong.
In real life I'm really polite, but I don't suffer fools gladly. My friend still tells that story.
Truthfully, unless two guys together are hanging out in a sports bar together, fishing, golfing, or shoving five dollar bills in a g-string, there are some idiots who make that assumption about them.
There still is some semblance of truth to this statement. Back in the mid 80's, I was hanging around a core group of three other guys. We frequently would be seen cruising the local streets on the weekends. One day, I went to go meet up with one of the guys who promptly asked me to leave. He said there's a rumor going around about town that the four of us were gay because we were always hanging together. He essentially ended a long time friendship over a false perception.
I've noticed since that time that it was difficult for me to make male friends. I initially attributed that difficulty to my personality. Since I re-started counseling over the past couple of years, I learned from my counselor that we tend to view men with suspicion when they reach out to other people. What does he REALLY want? The counselor also told me that men are stigmatized for showing weakness and the need for male friendship is often considered a weakness. Most men have been socialized to believe strength comes from going at it alone and that we don't need anyone else.
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