Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
The way I'd handle this situation would be to tell the friend, "OK, that's fine. I'll see if I can find another driver. But you're still coming with us aren't you?" And let it go. Why going on and on and on and on about it?
Add this to life's funny stories to tell people. Be sure to add that he's 28 and still gets grounded.
Maybe he has reasons he isn't telling you about -- such as his parents say he can't be your designated driver.
Maybe he is just a squirrel. Either way he doesn't owe you diddly for an Uber.
I also don't think this friend was being unreasonable. As another person who doesn't drink (hate the stuff and it hates me) I have to tell you OP that when this information gets around people start assuming as well as asking you to be the chauffeur. If you don't drink it can be deadly boring and irritating to spend an evening around people who intend to do just that. People can start ragging on the non-drinker, coaxing and teasing especially as they get under the influence. I find if I'm with a group who plans to drink I usually leave a lot earlier than the rest of them. Even though its my choice not to join in, I can still feel a little left out and even taken advantage of. The last thing I want is to be stuck at a bar waiting for everyone else to decide they've had enough. You feel you are obligated and expected to wait. Not exactly how any guest should feel at a party.
That said, I probably wouldn't have declined in that particular way. I'd have done it a bit more tactfully. You invited this friend to an event he couldn't/wouldn't participate in in the same way everyone else was going to. Don't try to blame this friend for your self-righteousness. Everyone has a right to decline a party invitation. He is under no obligation to drive anyone or pay for anything regardless of the excuse he gave. Get over it.
Last edited by Parnassia; 01-27-2019 at 11:21 PM..
I disagree with the people siding with the non-drinking friend. It doesn't seem that the OP has given this person any reason to think she will get sick in his car. This is 4 close friends getting together for a birthday party, and this person is only a few houses away from the OP. And it's the OP's birthday!
The guy is being very unreasonable. That said, it's not right for the OP to expect him to pay for her Uber.
Someone is not "being rude" just because they say "no" to you after you ask them for a favor. Whatever his reasons are for not wanting to drive this time, a friend would respect that and just move on.
I can't imagine treating friends the way you are treating him just because he didn't want to give you a drive. It's good you came to a reasonable decision in the end, but I really don't get why you had to try to shame him, pit others against him, and bring up completely unrelated facts (living with his parents, etc.) just to make him seem worse than you or something?
"He is also homophobic beyond belief to the point that he will stop being friends with a person if they decide they are gay. None of his friends are, but he openly admits that he can't stand homosexual people. So he just tends to have a very aggressive view on certain things."
If so, the OP really shouldn't be surprised that he's being unreasonable about this.
Well I'm glad you went digging for that thread and posted the link, because that one linked to another one of the OP's threads about his friend that confirms the OP is a man, not a woman. And a rather catty man for that matter.
It also made clear in the post a year ago that the OP and the group of his other catty male friends don't have a respectful opinion of the neighbour. They all think he's a toady. They all make a fool of him and OP likes to gossip online and make fun of him and expects the friend to kowtow to him. People can't hide stuff like that so the neighbour is going to be aware of what his so-called friend really thinks of him.
So you think the neighbour is being unreasonable for refusing to be a bullied toady that gets taken for granted by people who pretend to be his friends while they're dog-piling on him and bossing him around. That doesn't speak well for your own character or judgement of character. I don't think the neighbour is being unreasonable at all, I think he's being sensible. I also think the neighbour needs to find some better, respectful, un-bossy friends for himself and rid himself of the bullying 'friends' that he has right now.
She didn't ask a random stranger, she asked one of her long-time friends who is going to the same party! Most friends might carpool to such an event anyway... let alone on the OP's birthday.
Birthday, big deal. Short trips cost like $6-7.00 with Uber. No reason to expect friends to enable your careless behavior. Such entitlement from drinkers, unreal.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
