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Maybe some marriages can manage it, but can any other relationship, friend or family, survive if people are really honest about almost everything? I believe most people don’t want to be confronted with criticism, constructive or otherwise. I once told a neighbor who I was friendly with for years that his teen age son would never wave hello to us, or even acknowledge our presence even if we were in their yard. The only time he interacted with us was one time he forgot his house key and had to come to us for a spare. I was working in the backyard, so had to stop what I was doing, go in the house and get the key. He took the key, turned and walked away. A few days later the neighbor walks over to give me back the key. In the course of the conversation, I mentioned how his son acted. The guy says,” yea, he’s not big on thank you’s.” I said, quite honestly, he’s not big on hellos or any other respectful acknowledgment of his neighbors. Basically, the friendship ended there.
My point is I think most people don’t want others to be really honest with them. Maybe that is just human nature. I do know that the most satisfying relationships I have had in my life were with people I had an above average amount of honest give and take with. Obviously, I’m not talking about casual friendships or neighbors you hardly ever see. Just closer relationships.
Jack Nicholson's character in A Few Good Men:
"You can't handle the truth!"
Well, that's pretty much every one walking around on the planet.
I've long remembered it: Man is ice to truth, fire to falsehoods. That's something every politician knows too well! The best liar always wins!
Also: A lie is sweet in the beginning, bitter in the end (debatable?), truth is bitter in the beginning, sweet (debatable?) in the end.
I absolutely love, cherish a really, really good liar that can pull one over on me. And if I find it out that person lied to me even 2 years later, and I finally learn it was a lie, they're still entitled to a good meal at my expense!
That's hardly the same as a kid not saying hi or thank you to a neighbor. I wasn't polite as a teen either all the time, and a middle aged neighbor would have been practically invisible to me as a teen. Now I am a polite and productive member of society. My nephew was a sulky, slightly depressed, sarcastic teen who barely acknowledged anyone. Now he's a Marine and politer than anyone I know his age.
It's amazing what simply growing up does.
I'm not sure what OP hoped to accomplish saying that to dad.
Exactly. And teen boys? It's not abnormal for them to feel like they hate everyone and behave accordingly.
It's best not to poke all the bears: kid, dad, and especially, momma!
If you were a polite, positive, empathetic, teen that's great. Give yourself a pat on the back for being a rare bird. The reality? Most are sulky, highly irritable, frustrated, and self absorbed.
Just one more thing:
Your neighbors already know all about it, and probably already feel those crappy feelings all (good) parents feel when their sweet baby/child turns into Mr. Hyde. Why make them feel worse?!
Maybe some marriages can manage it, but can any other relationship, friend or family, survive if people are really honest about almost everything? I believe most people don’t want to be confronted with criticism, constructive or otherwise. I once told a neighbor who I was friendly with for years that his teen age son would never wave hello to us, or even acknowledge our presence even if we were in their yard. The only time he interacted with us was one time he forgot his house key and had to come to us for a spare. I was working in the backyard, so had to stop what I was doing, go in the house and get the key. He took the key, turned and walked away. A few days later the neighbor walks over to give me back the key. In the course of the conversation, I mentioned how his son acted. The guy says,” yea, he’s not big on thank you’s.” I said, quite honestly, he’s not big on hellos or any other respectful acknowledgment of his neighbors. Basically, the friendship ended there.
My point is I think most people don’t want others to be really honest with them. Maybe that is just human nature. I do know that the most satisfying relationships I have had in my life were with people I had an above average amount of honest give and take with. Obviously, I’m not talking about casual friendships or neighbors you hardly ever see. Just closer relationships.
I doubt it. A fundamental axiom of life I've noticed is that men lie, women fake it. I call that Rule No. 2. (Rule No. 1: Can You Monetize It?). I deal with it.
Some of the best relationships I've had are predicated on lies, might as well get it going and keep it that way right through the end. At the end, nothing gained or lost. Then again, I'm no model for long term relationships, nor would ever want to be now at fifty and more convinced by the day I was born to (stay) single and love it.
One could argue the entire male-female Western marriage paradigm is one big lie these days; there is a fascinating body of thought on that. I'll not mention it, it's verbotten on C-D and speaking of excessive honesty, tends to irritate many. Be aware it's out there, I personally believe it is self-evident the deeper one digs into the fundamentals.
I suspect evolution gave us our big brains to outsmart both our prey, and one another. The latter being this thing called "diplomacy." We're already great at murdering each other. We're not half-bad at diplomacy, when given a chance to work, though it is backed by force, see von Clausewitz's famous and seminal 19th Century quote on that. Outsmarting another via diplomacy means craft, and deception, that does not necessarily mean a winner and loser if practiced in a gentler form with compassion, see "Teachings of Christ" without going all preach-y. I think you understand the concept.
Excessive honesty is neither good leadership, nor compassionate, I do enjoy arguing (politely, I hope) this point. I'm a bit too blunt due to nature and nurture, both a strength and weakness.
So, no: I don't personally find, or believe, excessive honesty in interpersonal or any other human relations to be terribly clever or desirable. Under almost any circumstances, possible exceptions being intense therapy or couples counseling?
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