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For some reason, I give off a vibe where people think it's ok to hug me. I feel very uncomfortable when it happens and it's been a common occurence at work within a two week time frame (all by males). One was a manager and the other two were just coworkers. Out of those 3 who hugged me, I didn't mind one of them because he's like a father figure to me (a coworker) and treats me like I'm his daughter. But the other two who hugged me, I just felt uncomfortable when they did it. This is all after a professional discussion of some kind. So how do I go about expressing this without seeming like I'm some uptight person? (I just don't like being touched, period.)
Just tell them... people prefer the truth. Once they see that it's not personal, it should be fine.
Personally I feel a little sad for you. Connecting with people is one of life's greatest pleasures. Physical hugging is a nice, generally harmless way to connect. Life is short, pretty soon we'll be dead and forgotten, no one will remember you were even in the universe. Enjoy life while you can and enjoy the connections you make with people...is my philosophy.
When you're 80 or 90 years old, you'll look back on life at the people who were in your life, and wonder why you didn't better take advantage of the time you had with them. I look back on my life now and realize I too hated hugging for a long time... and kept people at a distance when I could have let them in a little more.
Last edited by life_explorer; 01-04-2017 at 12:43 AM..
If you see them going in for a hug, stick out your hand for a handshake instead and say, "Nothing personal, I'm just not a hugger with anyone." At my previous job I had a teammate that was like this. We respected her wishes. My old team and I still meet up for happy hour/dinner at least once per year and I always remind myself on the way there not to hug her when I see her.
In the future, when you see someone reaching out to hug, step back, flashing a big smile while shaking your head. Doing this all in one motion and at the same time raise both arms to push back, should contact be made. It's hard to do it all at once, but it does get the idea across. SO important to have the smile going, though.
I don't know what country/area you're in, but in many places in the work place men shouldn't be trying to touch or hug anyone. Especially not of the opposite gender. It's not in good taste. And.. leaves open the possibility of charges of sexual harassment.
I'd talk to all three men, separately and just thank them for being well intentioned, but that you are not comfortable with hugging or touching.
***
And I don't think anyone here should opine about why you feel the way you do, either. It's no one's business.
For some reason, I give off a vibe where people think it's ok to hug me. I feel very uncomfortable when it happens and it's been a common occurence at work within a two week time frame (all by males). One was a manager and the other two were just coworkers. Out of those 3 who hugged me, I didn't mind one of them because he's like a father figure to me (a coworker) and treats me like I'm his daughter. But the other two who hugged me, I just felt uncomfortable when they did it. This is all after a professional discussion of some kind. So how do I go about expressing this without seeming like I'm some uptight person? (I just don't like being touched, period.)
I just flat out say NO thank you but I'm not into hugging! or NO thanks, I won't hug you! or whatever other SERIOUS boundary I wish to set with others and since I studied self esteem (google it) I know how to ASSERT a boundary and also how to set them (google: boundaries.) There isn't much more to it than simply stating what you will and will not allow done to you with a POSITIVE but DETERMINED style! If some aggressive guy reaches out to grab you, put your hands and arms up and STOP HIM! And then (smiling or not) say, "NO THANKS! I DON'T DO THAT!!!!!" If they FORCE a hug on you, they will at least know better the next time.
It's your body!
Where I live, hugging is very common, but I know of a few acquaintances who don't want to be hugged. I found out by hearing other people talking about it. So when you see an opportunity in conversation, at work or with friends, just let people know you don't like hugs.
Word will get around, and your friends/co-workers will be able to help you fend off the huggers.
I'm not a hugger either. It's easy to get people to stop hugging you. Never initiate a hug with anyone (unless you are alone with them) AND return any hug with a very stilted stance and pained expression. People will soon get the idea.
For some reason, I give off a vibe where people think it's ok to hug me. I feel very uncomfortable when it happens and it's been a common occurence at work within a two week time frame (all by males). One was a manager and the other two were just coworkers. Out of those 3 who hugged me, I didn't mind one of them because he's like a father figure to me (a coworker) and treats me like I'm his daughter. But the other two who hugged me, I just felt uncomfortable when they did it. This is all after a professional discussion of some kind. So how do I go about expressing this without seeming like I'm some uptight person? (I just don't like being touched, period.)
Were do you work that hugging is a natural occurrence? I would never hug a coworker nor would i want any coworker to hug me. Hate to say that if this is a natural occurrence at your job, you might just need to suck it up and deal with it. You don't want to become "that" person at work, unnecessary headaches.
On a more serious note, I'm assuming that this sudden rash of hugging coworkers is due to it being the holiday season, when people seem more cheerful (whether real or forced) than usual. So it may be something that the calendar will resolve for you. When you're hugged the first time, you can kind of go stiff and just quickly pat the hugger on the shoulder. Most people will get the hint and not try it again. If someone does try it again, that's the time to take them aside and politely tell them that you'd prefer not to hug a coworker. This should do the trick in the great majority of instances. If not, time to file a complaint with HR.
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