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Am also one who isn't a fan of hugging friends and/or strangers. Besides it not being comfortable, when people who wear fragrances hug me the scent of their perfume sticks to my clothing and even my skin and being very sensitive to fragrances I end up with a terrible headache.
I've had to go home and change clothes and sometimes actually wash my hair to get rid of the stench of their perfume.
This is a true story. When I was in kindergarten my teacher was an oddball and very regimented. On the last day of school she had all the children line up and she said goodbye to each child. She alternated between hugging and not hugging each child. I calculated that I would be a non-huggee child. I wanted a hug. When it was my turn, I was not going to get a hug but I tried to force it. There was a bit of a wrestle. I lost since I was only 5.
That was rejection and I felt rejected. I learned that people don't want me to hug them.
I think that is part of the reason why I am a non-hugger. I used to be very affectionate and demonstrative until age 5.
Your kindergarten teacher should not have been teaching kindergarten.
For some reason, I give off a vibe where people think it's ok to hug me. I feel very uncomfortable when it happens and it's been a common occurence at work within a two week time frame (all by males). One was a manager and the other two were just coworkers. Out of those 3 who hugged me, I didn't mind one of them because he's like a father figure to me (a coworker) and treats me like I'm his daughter. But the other two who hugged me, I just felt uncomfortable when they did it. This is all after a professional discussion of some kind. So how do I go about expressing this without seeming like I'm some uptight person? (I just don't like being touched, period.)
I am not a hugger either, especially with co-workers....and honestly, all my friends know this about me.
But I don't believe work is the place to hug, reason being, people get the wrong Idea, and your sending wrong messages to males.
It depends on the males as well....believe it or not, a lot of males feel that if you hug them, or even talk to them, your wanting a date? Or your into them, so be careful.
I worked a job for many years, that was occupied by predominate males....and had one male tell me, if you don't want trouble, then don't hug, or even kid around with sexual connotations, or jokes b/c they will take it as a come on? Why I don't know....
Just to show you how males think, I had a male friend, we were friends since 7th grade...and when we reconnected many years later, he told me, regardless, no matter who you are dating, never tell them we're just friends or tell them about me. I asked him why? He replied, "because I'm a guy and they will never believe, we never slept together!"
A lot of guys refer to females they've slept with as friends, why I don't know...?
To me, a guy that I've slept with wouldn't be a friend. If I'd see him out and about, I'd of course say hello, but consider it a relationship that had gone bad?
We gals think differently than men?
Quite Frankly, I don't think twice if someone isn't a hugger, doesn't make them strange, or anything but a human just like those that do hug, it's just they are not affectionate.
I have girlfriends who really get insulted b/c I won't hug them, and it makes me all the more, "not a hugger". It really irritates me, that some are so shallow minded to think if I don't think or act like them, there must be something wrong?
Unfortunately, that is very true......I don't want to take this thread off-topic, so I'll just say this - when my daughter was (falsely) accused of being "inappropriate" with my sister's older daughter, one of the results that nobody felt comfortable being around the said niece, because they didn't want to end up being accused of something they hadn't done. (one of my aunts flat-out told her kids to make sure they were never alone with her)
yeah, people are strange that way today....one message that is wrongly sent to small kids is, "oh, go give so and so a hug", or "give uncle Charlie a kiss". Children then think it's ok to be that way with strangers.
Just tell them... people prefer the truth. Once they see that it's not personal, it should be fine.
Personally I feel a little sad for you. Connecting with people is one of life's greatest pleasures. Physical hugging is a nice, generally harmless way to connect.
Personally, I think hugs in a work environment is a bit unprofessional, unless the co-workers are also good friends -- which didn't seem to be the case, here. In cases that that, I often just step back with a little wave-off and laugh, saying, "You don't want this cold I'm getting over!" One guy insisted on trying to hug me, and I flat-out said, "That's ok -- I'm good!" with a shake of my head. He was dumbfounded -- "No one has ever refused one of my hugs before!"
I understand the OP's reticence. I'm a hugger with friends, dogs, kittens, family, etc., etc. But at work? No.
Where I work, there was this director, who had a reputation for being a big blow hard...like Trump. Just like him....never filtered anything, and oh, he did this and he did that, you'd have to ponder how in the world the company survived without him.
well, he was Italian and hugged everyone....when he came to work with our group, he yelled my name while walking up to me....and I stuck out my arm, to hold him back while saying, "I don't do hugs!"
And I don't, I'm not a kissy-face huggy-bear kinda girl.
I am not a hugger as I mentioned earlier but I will go along with it when it is obviously hugging time. I just feels uncomfortable with anyone who I don't hug with. That is about everybody. The whole thing is awkward.
I have this guy working for me and he is touchy feely. He is Mexican and doesn't speak much English. He is from a different culture and communication is not easy because we don't speak the same language.
He holds my hand and kisses it sometimes and he hugs me and he is flirty. I have run into him before and he was with a 'friend' who was not his wife. He is married. I could tell that the 'friend' was a special friend. He fools around. I don't care what he does with his private life but I don't like the flirting and touching. I help with the yard work and it hurts my back. The other day he was trying to massage my shoulders and touching and hugging and yuck.
It didn't help relieve my tension. I wonder what would.
I don't like it. I know exactly what he is thinking. He is thinking that he is Don Juan and I am the lonely widow.
Same here, but I have learned to bear it in social situations for the sake of friends. Never gonna like it, though.
yeah, I used to bear it in social situations, but Now I tell people, I am not a hugger. I do hug some people, but that's my choice, not theirs...
In social circles, when I didn't hug people, they looked at me like I was weird? Yanno, what I find funny, is the fact that some people, no, correct that, a lot of people don't seem to be able to grasp the fact that just b/c someone things and feels differently from you, doesn't make them wrong....or different, in fact, it is simply how they are.....
People are so quick to assume, if your different from them, oh, my, God, it must be OCD, or something?
NO, I get to chose who enters my personal space, period.
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