Who gets the grandmother's ring? (wife, boyfriend, father, children)
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Leave it until your brother or a male cousin wants to propose to someone with it. If none ever do, it'll just pass to you and/or your siblings one day, and will your cousin still be asking for part of what probably isn't a very expensive piece of jewelry anyway?...QUOTE]
Heirloom jewelry, especially rings - should never go to male relatives.
They usually wind up outside the family.
I am thinking this isn't an heirloom. It's just a ring that has nothing much but sentimental value.
Yet, the cousin asked for it as if she just assumed she'd be given it. This also tells me it's not likely worth a ton of money, because nobody assumes that people who inherited a relative's jewelry will just GIVE them a very valuable piece because they got engaged first.
And, is it me, or does it seem like the cousin's fiance is a cheapskate?
I mean, why does he not want to buy her a ring?
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Money was split 50/50. My mother got the china (which was given to my cousin) and the ring... to be fair, my grandmother probably would have sold the ring before giving it to my mother or my aunt because she was just a nasty person that way and didn't like to see people happy. My grandmother never stated who should get it.
If that's the case, then I personally (if I were your mother) would just sell it and give you and your cousin some cash toward your weddings. Make a nice thing out of it rather than a memory of a nasty person.
Otherwise, was the china approximately the same value as the ring? If not, then I think your aunt didn't get her fair share and your mother should do something to even things out. I realize you can't split the ring in two (other than selling it and splitting money) but if there was a total of say $10K in cash and $15K in the ring, china and anything else of value, it sounds like your aunt got $5K (now passed down to her daughter) and your mother got $20K. Maybe everyone is ok right now, but an uneven split like that isn't fair and there could be resentment over time.
The problem with any money is that it can be gone in less then 5 secs at a time where as being a sentimental ring can be passed down from girl to girl in the family.
After my wife's passing I bought/transferred over a Diamond to each of my kids as a potential future heirloom...what they do is up to them.
My mother wore the same Gold ear rings for over 60 yrs and She wanted them for my oldest daughter who later hocked them for a measly $10 (I was P***** when I found that out from my youngest son).
Soon after I spoke with her on the phone and offered to buy them for $100.....silence was like being at a cemetery.
as far as this post... it was more of a, "if it's not explicitly stated in the will... who traditionally would get the ring."
Legally, when your mother dies it would go to you or your brother. If the two of you could not agree, it would be sold and the money split between you.
Traditionally, it would go to you because you are female and it's a female's ring. Plus, by going to you it would stay in the family for future generations. A male would eventually give it to a female not of your family blood, and if they later split up...bye-bye ring.
In no scenario would your cousin have any claim on it.
This thread reminds me of a problem my mother told me about when my great-grandmother died. She had a lovely, heavy rose-gold wedding band, and had always promised it to my mother as the eldest grandaughter. She made no secret of it. However, her son's (my mother's uncle) fiance' got wind of it, and pitched a fit, claiming that since HE was the only son, then HE (and, by extension, HER) should get the ring when Great-Grandma passed on. This continued on until after the uncle was married, and even as Great-Grandma was in her final days. One day, Great-Grandma overheard the aunt bitchin' about how it was wrong that the ring was going to my mother, and that SHE should get it. Great-Grandma finally tired of all the nonsense, and declared, the day before she died, that she had changed her mind and decided to be buried with the ring. And so she was.
You know what? If I were you I would rise to the occasion. You and your mom have an opportunity to be generous toward people that you, by your own admission, love and feel very close to. You love your cousin. Your cousin was very close to her grandmother (also your grandmother). You've found a ring that you love. You don't need this ring. The ring causes stress to your mom.
Therefore I think your mom should make a beautiful gesture and give it to the cousin and be done with it. Maybe you and your mom should even offer to take your cousin out to lunch and give it to her together - wrapped in a beautiful little box. Can you imagine how happy that scene would be?
Not sure this is a hill worth dying on.
I'm going to go with this reply. Mom ended up with it because she took it due to circumstance, not because it was specifically willed to her. She doesn't wear it, it sits in a jewelry box. A granddaughter would like to have grandma's ring. Why not give it to her if she is going to enjoy it and wear it happily?
You know what? If I were you I would rise to the occasion. You and your mom have an opportunity to be generous toward people that you, by your own admission, love and feel very close to. You love your cousin. Your cousin was very close to her grandmother (also your grandmother). You've found a ring that you love. You don't need this ring. The ring causes stress to your mom.
Therefore I think your mom should make a beautiful gesture and give it to the cousin and be done with it. Maybe you and your mom should even offer to take your cousin out to lunch and give it to her together - wrapped in a beautiful little box. Can you imagine how happy that scene would be?
Not sure this is a hill worth dying on.
I'm going with KathrynAragon here.
The only person who wants the ring is your cousin. Let her have it with your blessings.
I love the idea of going out to lunch, or perhaps afternoon tea, making an occasion out passing it on this family heirloom.
Do something creative with it to bring it back some positive energy- pick names, have some sort of "contest for charity" (eg, whomever puts in the most hours at a nursing home or something ) or agree that whoever is still married 10 years from now can have it?
OR *gasp* donate it to charity! That's what I did with my first ring.
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