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Haha, I should know by now people on this site have very strong opinions. My cousin and I were both close to my grandmother. My cousins and I have always been very close.
My mother struggles with what to do with the ring. She wants to keep it because it was her mothers, and as mean as she was, it was the only mother she had. Now that my aunt has passed away, she has really realized that she has no one left in her family, and I know that bothers her. The ring sits in her jewelry box and she looks at it occasionally and is reminded of the good and bad memories associated with it. On the other hand, she also wants the ring to go to someone who will use it.
@Wmsn4Life - it has nothing to do with entitlement. No one in my family believes they are entitled to anything. If my mother decided to keep the ring for herself, no one would be mad or bitter. After the death of my aunt, everyone became that much closer.
The point of this thread was to ask what others thought, as I honestly had no one what to do with the ring. I found a beautiful ring that I love, and don't NEED this ring... but it was something that recently came up in a discussion since my cousin is getting married in December, and it's hard asking people who are involved in the situation in some way.
I'm a therapist, yet I find I turn to this site for unbiased suggestions, so that I can have someone who does not know me give an honest opinion. Sometimes I'll agree, other times I won't. Either way, I thank you for all your opinions and suggestions.
My mother would like to give it to me, even if I just end up using the diamond for my own ring (the same thing my cousin would have done.) My mom won't wear it, it sits in her jewelry box and she would like to do something with it... but we want to avoid drama of any kind and do it the right way. I don't know if I'm overthinking it or what. My cousin had made a statement to my mom that she only got the ring because her own mother was not trusted enough to have it and that it was not "given to my mother" but that she took it when my grandmother moved into an assisted living facility (which we were told to take all valuables.)
The first sentence says it all.
Your cousin has no say in this. It was between your mother and her sister when your grandmother died. Your mother got the ring. It now belongs to your mother and would normally be passed down through her family line (i.e. to you or one of your siblings). These are the legal and traditional rules of inheritance.
It's too bad if the cousin wants something that doesn't belong to her and which she has to claim to. Her statement that it was not given to your mom but that your mom took it is BS and should have been resolved between your mom and her sister if there was any issue at the time. Clearly, if there is drama, then it is of your cousin's making, not yours or your mother's, since she's already called your Mom a thief and a liar. What if she decides she wants your car? Will you give her that as well just to keep the peace?
I think that she's decided that she wants it and no amount of truth, logic, or law is going to change her mind. Anything less and she'll pitch a fit. Oh well. She's a big girl. She should be mad at her mom for being so unreliable that she lost out on her inheritance. But that's water over the bridge. What she got is what she can pass down, period.
[quote=RedZin;41033801]Leave it until your brother or a male cousin wants to propose to someone with it. If none ever do, it'll just pass to you and/or your siblings one day, and will your cousin still be asking for part of what probably isn't a very expensive piece of jewelry anyway?...QUOTE]
Heirloom jewelry, especially rings - should never go to male relatives.
If both you and your cousin both intend to take the diamond out of the grandmother's ring and have it reset, then the argument is not really related to sentimentality or nostalgia. You're just wrangling over the financial value of a diamond, amiright? Don't all diamonds look pretty much alike? I'd recommend selling the ring and letting your mother decide what to do with the money.
Since it has sentimental value for your mother she should keep it. I hope you or the cousin don't want the diamond because you think it is valuable. Diamonds have very poor resale value. Unless this ring is particularly large and flawless you will be lucky to get a few hundred dollars for it unless you sell to someone who doesn't know any better.
Before you answer that, here is some background information. My grandmother passed away two years ago. My mother had power of attorney due to her being unable to care for herself or her finances for a few months prior to her death. My aunt (my mother’s sister) and my mother inherited what little money my grandmother had left, everything was split 50/50; but anything valuable (ie. her wedding ring) was given to my mother. My aunt had 24/7 care and was unable to care for herself due to medical issues as a result of a long history of prescription drug abuse and my cousin was her power of attorney because she made a lot of poor choices with money herself. My aunt passed away one year ago and left everything to my two cousins.
My cousin got engaged about a year and a half ago and asked my mother for my grandmother’s ring. My mom said no, that it was the last possession she had of her mother. Although she has no real emotional attachment to it (my grandmother was abusive to her growing up,) it was still her mother's. My boyfriend and I are getting engaged soon and I know that my mother would be willing to give it to me, but she knows that it will cause problems with my cousin because she asked for it first. She does not want my cousin to think that she is playing favorites, and worries my cousin will say that half the ring is hers by way of her mother.
Initially, my mom thought of selling the ring and splitting the money between the four grandchildren to avoid this issue. My cousin was against this idea so my mom did not go through with it. Now my mom does not know what to do with the ring. She doesn’t wear it and my brother (the only boy out of the four of the cousins) does not want it. I’d gladly accept it, it’s a beautiful ring, but I’m not sure what the proper etiquette is in this situation.
I honestly don't know who would get the ring in this situation, since it now belongs to my mother. Any thoughts?
Did your grandmother not leave or will or hand the ring directly to one of her daughters or otherwise make her wishes known to all of you (not just your mother, but other witnesses)? I don't understand why your mother got everything of value, including money, unless it was specified that way in a will or trust.
Simply having power of attorney should not mean that she should take everything of financial value for herself.
I am not suggesting that your cousin get the ring for herself, either. Your Mom's idea to sell the ring and split the proceeds of the sale sounds fair.
Tell your mother to take the ring out of the jewelry box and wear it! Beautiful things should be used. If she is already wearing her own wedding rings it can go on her other hand. She should enjoy it and leave it to you in her will. By that time it will have lost its importance to you and all the cousins and can be treasured as an heirloom and a piece of nostalgia, and not an object of discord.
My aunt was older. My aunt and grandmother lived together for a few years prior to them both going downhill---it was a disaster and they made terrible choices together. It was never really agreed upon who would keep it... when my mom had power of attorney, she just made all the decisions that would be best for my grandma. She had sold all of her nice jewelry, and the only thing left was her wedding ring and nice dishes (which my cousin got.)
My mom didn't take it because of my aunt's drug abuse... she took it because my aunt was unable to make decisions for herself and was easily influenced by members not in the family (she also sold all of her valuables as well---my cousin was very upset at this, as well as her buying an aid a car, that's when my cousin got POA) and she worried that my aunt would give it to an aid and we'd never see it again.
My cousin's biggest thing is that she got engaged first, so that is why she should have it.
To be fair, if my cousin really wanted it, fine... I'll be the bigger person and walk away... that's usually how things go in this family lol But then I know my cousins (sisters) would fight over it lol That's why I was curious what your thoughts were on who should get it and if there was some type of tradition I could go off on since it was never directly stated who would get it.
Sorry, not a good reason at all.
The ring stopped being your grandmother's when she passed away. It is 100% the property of your mother, who can toss it in a Salvation Army kettle if she wants. When it went to her, your cousin lost all claim to it. That's just the way it works.
This is your mom's, because she owns it. She gets to decide what to do with it. I'd advise her to get it reset and to wear it! Since there is some sensitivity over the issue, I think she should simply wear it and put in her will who gets it when she passes. She gets to decide. I don't think it should be sold; I think she has a right to wear it however she wants. She could even have it reset as a necklace.
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