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I know some people (mostly women) who have young children. Some have a significant other while some are completely unattached. These people go out clubbing or partying 1-3 times a week. I see their FB newsfeed with pictures of them drinking and dirty dancing w/ their gf's. Their kids are at home, presumably w/ a babysitter.
Do you feel as I do that this is irresponsible behavior? Or do parents, especially single ones, have a right to go clubbing/partying on a regular basis?
Those people haven't realized the party ended the day they got pregnant.
I think its unreasonable to assume that because you had a child you would do a 180 and never engage in any of the things you enjoyed before having a child. [b]This sort of judgement is what keeps people from being happy in marriages and increases resentments. [/B]Its as though there is a magic switch that is flipped when babies are born-- you are expected to move to the suburbs, buy an SUV and start worrying about being on the PTA. You can no longer indulge in any of your pre-kid behavior without fear of people thinking you are a dysfunctional parent. I think this is incredibly limiting and a very outdated way at looking at being a parent.
As long as the kid in question was being well cared for while the parent was out "clubbing" who gives a flying fig? I notice that you mention the people you have seen doing this are women...so there might be some further expectations about how women are supposed to behave when parenting vs. what is okay for men to do.
All of this "kids are the first priority" is something we say but its silly. Of course kids are a VERY important priority if you choose to have them. But as a person, your FIRST priority is always YOU-- your mental health, your physical health, your emotional well being. If any of those are compromised for an extended period, there is no way that you can be effective as a parent. So I am all for anything that adds to a parent's emotional, mental or physical stability. If going out to a nightclub once in a while is just the thing to do that, who am I to judge?
Excellent post!
Yes, I want to see these same people (usually women) who just love to judge other parents (usually other moms) in, say, another 10 years. When their kids are past the cutesy age and perhaps into the highly demanding teen years, we'll see how well their all-encompassing parenting has served them - and their marriages - then. I have found, pretty consistently, that all of this self-denying, self-sacrificing, motherhood-as-martyrdom trend doesn't help ANYONE, least of all the kids involved. And I say that as someone whe has never been a "wild" girl.
This (mostly) suburban parenting angst and judgment is highly oppressive. It's funny: housewives in the 50s and 60s had to worry about how well their floors shone, lest they be deemed bad homemakers. Today, women worry that if they dare not be sufficiently self-denying where their kids are concerned (and that basically means giving up all pre-mom interests), then other moms will "look down" on them and conclude they are bad mothers (like that one poster gleefully admitted to doing).
Going clubbing 2 or 3 times a week? I have no idea where ANY parent gets the time, energy (or money) to do that, but I applaud those who find a happy balance. If I were to relive those young-kid years again, I definitely would have had more of an active social life. Perhaps I would have even gone to a club every once in a while, downed a few margaritas and done some dirty dancing.
Last edited by newdixiegirl; 02-23-2014 at 05:11 PM..
I didn't realize "going clubbing" meant leaving children alone unsupervised, getting fall-down drunk, coming home at 3am, and having random sex with strangers? Seems like I should "go clubbing" more often!
People are being ridiculous. Making assumptions without knowing the facts is petty mompetition.
There are and have always been good and bad parents, all I know is that I do the best I can in my own life. Anyone judging my parenting by a minute snapshot is welcome to do so, it's entirely meaningless in the big picture though.
Mompetition.
That's a new word for me, Zimbochick, and I like it. It's accurate, too, because it's usually the moms doing most of the judging.
Judging parents who don't do like YOU is irresponsible and juvenile.
You have any studies that show this is the norm for any parent who parties? The parents I know who party leave the house after the child is sleeping around 10pm and the babysitter has arrived, come into DC, get home before 1:30am and not even close to being drunk. They show good judgement when going out which extends into their parenting.
In the town I'm in, it's quite common to read of drunk driving deaths --- and far too often they are dead young mothers who rolled over or smashed their cars at 2:30 am -- and leave several young children behind. Yes, I assume someone responsible was caring for the children while mom was out partying and drinking her heart out.
In the town I'm in, it's quite common to read of drunk driving deaths --- and far too often they are dead young mothers who rolled over or smashed their cars at 2:30 am -- and leave several young children behind. Yes, I assume someone responsible was caring for the children while mom was out partying and drinking her heart out.
So we penalize all those people that go out, behave and drink responsibly because of a few people like that? It is also possible that a couple can have too many beers/wine while having dinner at another couple's home and then drive home drunk and get killed, too. Same for sporting events like NBA basketball games, etc.
In the town I'm in, it's quite common to read of drunk driving deaths --- and far too often they are dead young mothers who rolled over or smashed their cars at 2:30 am -- and leave several young children behind. Yes, I assume someone responsible was caring for the children while mom was out partying and drinking her heart out.
Considering 4 in 5 people who drink and drive are men, I fail to see what point you re trying to make. Dads are going to be 5 times more likely to be dead young dads who rolled over and smashed their cars at 2:30 am.
Going clubbing 2 or 3 times a week? I have no idea where ANY parent gets the time, energy (or money) to do that, but I applaud those who find a happy balance. If I were to relive those young-kid years again, I definitely would have had more of an active social life. Perhaps I would have even gone to a club every once in a while, downed a few margaritas and done some dirty dancing.
I think the mere word "clubbing" conjures up images of partying and drunkenness, which translates to money spent and hungover in the morning. Throw in 3 nights a week and "single parent" and you can see where judgments can come from.
Considering 4 in 5 people who drink and drive are men, I fail to see what point you re trying to make. Dads are going to be 5 times more likely to be dead young dads who rolled over and smashed their cars at 2:30 am.
Guys, give the women the car keys. Women, don't take no for an answer!
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