What do you think of parents who go clubbing? (wife, girlfriend, boyfriend)
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Well, in real life I wouldn't pass judgement if the kids are being well cared for in general. However, this is a relatively anonymous internet forum, and so I'm going to feel free to be totally judgemental and tell what I actually think to myself when I see that happen. I think the parent is totally immature and probably had kids too soon. I look down on them and think my child is lucky to have an older mom who puts his needs first and doesn't even want to go out to bars and act stupid. Actually, I haven't gone out to bars drinking and dancing since I was in my early 20's, and even then I never acted as foolishly as I remember some girls acting. I guess I think because I don't drink that also makes me a better mom and better person in general than those women. Ever since I graduated from college I've sort of felt that going out and getting drunk is immature and a little pathetic - something that should be left behind after the early 20's, if one ever did it at all.
Horrible and judgmental, yes, but that's what I actually think, even though I might not say it.
I agree with you 100 percent.
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Originally Posted by Osito
I have just one question for you; would you hold fathers to the same standards as mothers, or is it okay for fathers to go out chugging mind-altering substances and chasing ass all weekend, but it's not okay for mothers to go blow off steam with the girls? Why are people so damn judgmental of single parents?? And for the record, a lot of married parents party a lot and do the swinging thing as well. Where's all the hate and judgment about that??
Yes, I would hold fathers to the exact same standard. Indeed, as a father myself, I hold myself to that standard, and I don't go out chugging mind-altering substances and chasing ass, on weekends or any other time. There are ways of "blowing off steam" without perpetuating your wild and impetuous youth, and part of being a responsible parent is figuring that out.
Oh, and regarding married parents swinging, I'd be happy to shower you with all the hate and judgment about that that you can stand.
We have some friends who have started clubbing again at 36, probably because they were very young parents and missed out. I admit, I hate clubbing - but I don't see the harm? Yes, I think it's quite silly to be clubbing at that age, but hey.
I don't know about your friends, but when my friend's kids get babysat, it's all about junk food, late movies, and having a blast. So no, don't feel sorry for that!
I think the parent is totally immature and probably had kids too soon. I look down on them and think my child is lucky to have an older mom who puts his needs first and doesn't even want to go out to bars and act stupid.
Totally judgemental and baseless stuff above. Enjoying an active social life and seeing to your kids needs are not mutually exclusive. At all. Seeing a parent out on the town and automatically assuming selfishness - neglect - stupidity - immaturing - or any of the other things you might want to impute to them is just you being judgemental from a non existent pedastal and it is entirely baseless.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Osito
I didn't have the luxury of attending birthday parties and sleepovers and play-dates simply because it would've been inconvenient for my mother's incessant partying.
OK - but as I said above - an active social life and caring for the needs of children are not mutually exclusive at all. Balance can be found easily. It sounds like in _your_ case however balance was not found and one action was performed at the expense of the other.
That _is_ a bad thing and very unfortunate - for you and anyone else experiencing the same thing. And what that happens it truely is awful. However this is a general thread and _in general_ I am still not seeing the problem with people having an active and energetic social life.
But as with all things in life balance and moderation are key.
As several have said, I don't think there's anything wrong with young (or old) parents getting out regularly and enjoying themselves in any (legal) way they choose. I think parents have always done this.
However, it might not be the wisest thing to document it all on facebook or twitter or such. That young kid will be a teen in ten years and they may be able to see it all. Not to mention it *could* be used against you in certain situations.
I'm old fashioned so I understand where the OP question is coming from. Taking care of your family should become a person's first priority when they choose to have kids. What I think the OP is referring to is what we see so much of today, young girls who are either raising kids alone or with a "Baby Daddy" who drops by when it is convenient, and those girls conduct their lives as if they are still single. THAT would bother me, but OCCASIONALLY going out for a night on the town, as long as the kids are properly baby sat, is ok.
There was just that case where the young Mom left her two little kids in a locked car while she went into some guy's place for sex and the kids died from heat exhaustion. THAT is the kind of irresponsible Mom that has no business being a mother, same with Moms who party all the time and spend very little time with their children.
Drinking and partying 1-3 times per week? I've never heard of any parents doing that with such frequency, be it married or single. If I thought anything, I might wonder how they can afford to do that and hopefully no one is being neglected or money for necessities is being used on booze.
I am confused. Does "clubbing" mean going to a dance club, or does it mean going to a dance club and getting drunk, doing drugs and "chasing ass"? Can sober, sensible people be said to "go clubbing" or is there another name for it when they enter one of these establishments known as a "club"?
During "clubbing" hours, children are asleep. If parents need some time to themselves to enjoy life, isn't while the children are asleep a good time to leave them with their father or with a babysitter?
It's probably better to judge parents by the time they spend with their children actually parenting than by what the parents do on their own when the children are asleep.
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