Should People Call Each Other Out For Manners? (narcissists, person, appropriate)

[animalcrazy]

It would be a pretty negative world if we all called each other on every petty manner mistake. OK from your previous thread: What are you getting out of this dysfunctional friendship and why can't you distance yourself from such narcissism?

[whatisthedealwith]

Originally Posted by confusedasusual

I am not sure how people don't realize that they are chewing with their mouth open unless they are wearing some kind of dental device that inhibits sensation in their mouth. How on earth would you not notice this?

OP, I read your other thread. There comes a time in life when you start creating healthy boundaries for yourself instead of hanging out with people who make you feel badly or who waste your time. So hopefully that day will come soon.

In the meantime, complaining about someone's poor treatment of you (when you have the power to change the relationship) will be entertained by different people to different degrees, but eventually everyone will get tired of hearing about it. They will stop calling or begin to treat you poorly themselves. You will be puzzled as to why this is happening. So you get more hurt and continue along the path of the clueless, and others get more annoyed and either exit your life or keep up the abuse.

See the pattern here? Time to start making some positive changes. And chewing with your mouth closed. All the time.

This.

There is a bigger problem here than your bad table manners. And as this post predicts, people will only listen to your sad story for so long.

You may want to ask another friend to be brutally honest with you about how you present yourself and conduct yourself in social settings like a shared meal. We all have our blind spots. Perhaps the confusing behavior from your "friend" isn't so confusing. Maybe he is just sick of being around someone who has no idea how they come off to other people. Maybe he is embarrassed but still likes you enough to keep trying to engage with you. Ever thought of that?

[cyberphonics]

Originally Posted by David910

I wasn't right in front of him, I was diagonal from him. That doesn't make it right, but it's worth noting. Also, my mouth was open slightly if it was open at all, so I very much doubt it was nauseating.

For some people, it is nauseating regardless. Everyone has a different threshold, especially when it comes to things related to the mouth. It's often a focused fixation, one that leads to people cringing and being overly sensitive to things like gum chewing, lip smacking, slurping, loud swallowing, etc. Often a mild form of misophonia that gets translated into being disturbed by someone's mouth being open, since it makes those sounds worse.

Even if it's not that and it's the visual aesthetic of how you're chewing that's gross to someone, you can't make it not gross to them and whether or not it's rude for them to address it depends on how they do it, I suppose. At least this person just gestured at you. A jerk could have said, "What are you, a f-cking cow? Close your mouth!"

As for people not noticing they're chewing with their mouth open, people aren't readily aware of everything they're doing when it's a habit. If people can hum without realizing it, tap their fingers without realizing it, it's easy enough not to notice your mouth is open because you're not consciously thinking about it.

[Book Lover 21]

I work with a guy who is very close to me. We have the kind of relationship where you can say anything. Heck, he tells me about his sex life with his wife.

So, the other day, he stood up in his cube and turned around to tell me about something. The whole time he is talking, he is shoveling potato chips in his mouth.

First I said, "Why don't you finish eating and then we can talk?"

He said, "No, I want to tell you this now."

So I replied, "I don't want to look at the food in your mouth while you're talking to me. If your wife won't call you on it, I will."

Then he says, "You're such a beoutch Book Lover!" But he's smiling while he says it. When it was over, three different people came over to thank me, because he was driving them crazy too.

[David910]

Originally Posted by TheShadow

OP you said you didn't know that you were chewing with your mouth open this time, then you say that you chew with your mouth closed 99% of the time. How do you know that? If you didn't realize it was open this time, would you have realized it the other 99% of the time? Maybe you are always chewing with mouth open and don't realize it. Maybe your friend was tired of being grossed out. Or maybe he wanted to help you so you wouldn't look like a cud-chewing cow in front of everyone else at the table.
It is bad manners to call out other people's bad manners, but I think he was doing you a favor.

I often eat dinner with my parents and they just love to point out the flaws in my brother and I's manners. You know what's the one thing they said I don't have a problem with? I bet you can guess. If they don't see it as a problem, and they are really uptight about things like that, I believe, since it's not like I change how I chew, that I chew with my mouth closed.

[krawhitham]

Nope. Manners are different now. I don't see anyone NOT putting their elbows on the table, or only cutting with the right hand then switching the fork back, or not blowing your nose at the table... It's actually MORE rude to tell someone to stop doing one of these things than it is to just do them. I'd laugh in my friends face and chew with my mouth WAY open if they actually told me to do this. If they wanted to stop being my friend because they don't like my (lack of) table etiquette, then we clearly weren't very good friends to begin with!

[Cav Scout wife]

I would ignore it, and quite possibly this "friend" from now on. He sounds like a jerk.

As far as the chewing with your mouth open thing, not everyone can eat with their mouth closed.

My best friend's son has a respiratory issue that he has major problems with chewing with his mouth closed. Little stuff like bites here and there are ok for him, but he has a lack of oxygen from chewing for a long period (think steak or other foods) with his mouth closed.

Not really relevant, just something to "chew" on.

[Passion4mb]

I have been on both ends.

For me, no not the eating with my mouth open (I hope), but tending to talk a little bit too loudly in restaurants. I have a friend who is very big on manners call me out, not rudely, but to let me know. I certainly don't want people at the next table to hear what I am saying even if I'm only discussing paint colors, but it is a little embarrassing.

Both my mother and I have had to call my Father out several times for talking WAY too loud, he does not like it at all!!!!!

Also on my dad, he is kind of a "messy eater", especially with pasta. He's pretty good about chewing with his mouth closed (most of the time), but for instance he and I went to lunch today and he ordered pasta. It was in a cream sauce and I constantly had to tell him (or indicate) to wipe his mouth. I assume eventually he would have on his own, but sitting directly across from him with it on his mouth was not the most pleasant site.

I love my father to death, but honestly do not enjoy going out to eat with him.

I think if it's done discreetly and delicately, yes, it's a little embarrassing, but I would rather that than have friends not go out to eat with me.

[imcurious]

Since you are a juvenile, the person was doing you a favor - continuing to train you so that you do not do that as an adult.

[David910]

Originally Posted by imcurious

Since you are a juvenile, the person was doing you a favor - continuing to train you so that you do not do that as an adult.

I am really tired of your act, and I sure as heck don't respect your opinion. The only person who needs training is you....