Should People Call Each Other Out For Manners? (feel, person, abuse)
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Okay y'all, I agree chewing with your mouth open is bad manners, but come on, is everyone perfect?
I am fairly sure there has been a time or two in everyones lives, where we have accidentally been chewing with our slightly open, and I really don't think you would like it if I called that nauseating.
Look, I don't think anyone is suggesting you should kneel down and pray for forgiveness for 3 hours tonight for chewing with your mouth open. However you've gotten multiple responses that suggest to many people, it is REALLY disgusting to see chewed up food in people's mouths. Rather than trying to minimize the grossness with which others view this, I would simply take the feedback from your friend in stride and make a mental note to close my mouth when chewing.
You're right, I would feel very embarrassed if I were doing something that nauseated everyone at the table. I would feel embarrassed if it was called to my attention. But the alternative to a good friend telling me in the quietest way they could I was doing that would be for me to continue putting off every single person I ate dinner with. Friends. Co-workers. Classmates. Dates. I would feel worse if I kept doing it and no one wanted to eat with me. I would feel worse if dates kept disappearing after meeting me once and I couldn't figure out why.
Look, I don't think anyone is suggesting you should kneel down and pray for forgiveness for 3 hours tonight for chewing with your mouth open. However you've gotten multiple responses that suggest to many people, it is REALLY disgusting to see chewed up food in people's mouths. Rather than trying to minimize the grossness with which others view this, I would simply take the feedback from your friend in stride and make a mental note to close my mouth when chewing.
You're right, I would feel very embarrassed if I were doing something that nauseated everyone at the table. I would feel embarrassed if it was called to my attention. But the alternative to a good friend telling me in the quietest way they could I was doing that would be for me to continue putting off every single person I ate dinner with. Friends. Co-workers. Classmates. Dates. I would feel worse if I kept doing it and no one wanted to eat with me. I would feel worse if dates kept disappearing after meeting me once and I couldn't figure out why.
We get it, you are disgusted by this. You are beating the horse.
But "disgusting" is in the eye of the beholder. For me, I am literally disgusted by people popping their knuckles. If I hear it I inwardly cringe or worse. But I would never ostracize someone for this issue (despite it being known as an example of bad behavior) or tell them over and over again how disgusting they are. I am sure you have habits others find disgusting, but part of being a POLITE member of society is we are supposed to recognize that when our companions, family, friends, feelings frequently trump out own hang ups.
But the alternative to a good friend telling me in the quietest way they could I was doing that would be for me to continue putting off every single person I ate dinner with. Friends. Co-workers. Classmates. Dates. I would feel worse if I kept doing it and no one wanted to eat with me. I would feel worse if dates kept disappearing after meeting me once and I couldn't figure out why.
Has this been happening? ^^^ Did I miss that part??
It's bad manners to point out someone's bad manners.
From now on, mind your manners so others don't feel like they have to.
I agree. Its like my friend telling me to not look at him while he's eating so my ugly face doesn't ruin his appetite (not that im bad lookin) but you get the point.
But "disgusting" is in the eye of the beholder. For me, I am literally disgusted by people popping their knuckles. If I hear it I inwardly cringe or worse. But I would never ostracize someone for this issue (despite it being known as an example of bad behavior) or tell them over and over again how disgusting they are. I am sure you have habits others find disgusting, but part of being a POLITE member of society is we are supposed to recognize that when our companions, family, friends, feelings frequently trump out own hang ups.
It's a question of degrees. Just about everyone would be grossed out by someone going #2 next to the table. Most people wouldn't care how someone else's napkin was folded. Chewing with one's mouth open isn't nearly as extreme, but it's still something many consider gross.
Commenting about someone else's manners is never good manners. This is true. But wouldn't it be crueler for friends of the OP who are disgusted about the habit to start avoiding him and stop inviting him out to dinner without ever saying why? This was a good friend and he did it silently. It's not like he announced it to the table.
People chewing with their mouths open, talking with their mouths full, etc. are some of my pet peeves, but I wouldn't call someone out on their manners unless it was just the two of us, and unless the behavior was really extreme. Grown people don't like to feel like they're being parented by their peers. And what others find rude is subjective. Until I watched a show where an etiquette expert was teaching someone proper table manners, I never realized I ate like such a cavewoman! "The soup spoon goes away from the person...no, no, that's not where the water glass goes..." - she busted this poor guy's *ass for every little move he made. I think this woman's never had a 30 minute lunch break. LOL.
Anyhow, it sounds like the issue is that the OP really does not like this person, plus the fact that he was "corrected" in front of other people. I wouldn't continue to hang around someone if I felt inferior each and every time I was in his presence.
Okay y'all, I agree chewing with your mouth open is bad manners, but come on, is everyone perfect?
I am fairly sure there has been a time or two in everyones lives, where we have accidentally been chewing with our slightly open, and I really don't think you would like it if I called that nauseating.
Pointing out a problem you have with someone else's behavior does not imply that you are perfect. It implies that you care about that person enough that you're not willing to let them embarrass themselves in front of others. Set your predisposition about this person aside for a moment. Separate the criticism from the person saying it to you. The words are what matter.
You are chewing with your mouth open and were asked to stop. This has little to do with anyone but you. You are now trying to justify chewing with your mouth open. Chewing your mouth open is considered bad manners. To almost everyone it is disgusting. To some it is actually nauseating. You don't have to agree that it's disgusting or nauseating, however if you are out in a public place you are expected to adhere to societal norms with the best of your ability. You don't have to do that either, but if you don't, you have no right to complain that no one wants to be your friend or doesn't treat you the way you expect.
I'm fairly sure that there's been a time or two in everyone's lives where they were accidentally chewing with their mouth open. And odds are, someone called them disgusting or thought they were without telling that person. If you are merely offended at the thought of being perceived as disgusting, does it matter if it was verbalized to you?
I am not sure how people don't realize that they are chewing with their mouth open unless they are wearing some kind of dental device that inhibits sensation in their mouth. How on earth would you not notice this?
You know how? Because, obviously, MY MOUTH WAS BARELY OPEN, IF AT ALL! Honestly, I think you'd have to be looking at my mouth for you to see the slight crease between my jaws.
And that's what I realized when I looked at the person next to him, you really have to be looking to see things like this.
And by the way, to everyone trying to tell me what's disgusting and what's not, I personally worry about myself and am not worried about other people's manners. I have more important things to do with my life than be the manners police for stupid things like this.
I guess on the surface you do not see my annoyance, so I will have to explain further. This friend, while very nice to me at points, is a bit bipolar and unsensitive. At other times he will make me feel really bad about myself, and will always try to tell me what to do and how to live my life.
I hope you now see why I am annoyed it is THIS friend calling me out and not other ones, which I wouldn't mind as much.
If you are having such issues with this person perhaps he is not as good of a friend as you think.
Perhaps it is time to have lunch with others and not spend so much time with this person.
I'm not sure you can be "a bit bipolar" but I really know nothing about bipolar.
Why would you voluntarily spend time with someone who makes you feel bad about yourself?
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