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Lol, I don't think we should. If you've noticed how trigger-happy have become, someone might get pissed off for being called out and shoot you in the head.
Hello all! I am a bit confused if what someone did at lunch today was the correct thing to do, so, I am looking for other opinions. I was at lunch today, and someone who I was sitting with made a gesture to me to chew with my mouth closed. I admit that my manners are not perfect, but I always chew with my mouth closed, and must have just slipped up today, like everyone does from time to time. I was a little annoyed, though, and thought it was a little rude. I am also pretty confident I wasn't chomping down on my food either.
I guess what bothered me even more was that the person sitting right next to him was chewing with his mouth open as well, and I see bad manners when I go to lunch with my peers all the time (elbows on the table, eating with hands), and that never gets called out, but I get called out. This person has called me out before, and while he is a very good friend of mine, it does get a little annoying because no one is perfect, and no one should try to act like they are. I guess it just bothers me that someone else is trying to parent me, especially considering that while I occasionally will do something bad-mannered, 99% of the time I am still chewing with my mouth closed.
Has anyone ever done this to you? Do you think this is appropriate?
I would have starting chomping louder and wider like a cow.
It seems to me, David, that you already have some serious problems with this friendship - and I hear you loud and clear on that - I have not had good luck with some of my friendships either. I've been bullied, ignored, used, and yes, abused verbally and emotionally. If one of the so-called friends I have had problems with in the past signaled me to point out yet another one of my faults,(i.e. eating with my mouth open) I would have just CONSIDERED THE SOURCE, which is what I think you should do. Don't take offense because this person sounds like he is already offensive enough. But also, now, you will be aware when you eat to close your mouth. I used to eat a little "loudly", shall we say - something I never knew I did at all - and years ago, at my job at the time, one of my friends told me that I was enjoying my burrito a bit TOO MUCH. (She was at her desk and I was at the break table about 25 feet away ). That made me conscious of something that I wanted to correct and I wasn't mad at her at all. If an already abusive friend said something like that to me, I would have told them to stick it. So see - just consider the source.
Look, I'm not going to read the rest of your threads on this one guy. But if you don't like this guy and he regularly makes you feel bad about yourself, distance yourself from him. I can honestly say I don't have any friends that make me feel bad about myself because I've cut the people like that out of my life. It's a happy thing, trust me.
The correction at the table is a separate thing. This guy doesn't know you aren't feeling the friendship anymore, so he's working from the assumption that you are going to be ok with him pointing out something like that. You say you were barely opening your mouth, but how do you really know? Were you looking in a mirror? In any case, you had the option of calling him out on it, and you chose not to.
I'd say get over it, distance yourself from the guy and maybe pay a little more attention to your chewing when you're in a group. You already know the guy is a bit of an oddball, so why stress or get defensive over something like this? And maybe this time he was right, so maybe take that information and act on it - even a broken clock is right twice a day.
Yeah, I don't know. I surely don't want someone to point out if I have my elbows on the table, or something like that.
But I would absolutely want a friend to point out if I was doing/experiencing something potentially gross to others or embarrassing to myself. A friend silently pointing out that my mouth was open while chewing would be appreciated, as would someone pointing out if I had broccoli stuck in my teeth, an open fly, or an exposed bra.
I wouldn't want someone screaming out "HEY YOU, CLOSE YOUR MOUTH THAT'S GROSS", but a silent gesture would be nice, at least for me.
Hello all! I am a bit confused if what someone did at lunch today was the correct thing to do, so, I am looking for other opinions. I was at lunch today, and someone who I was sitting with made a gesture to me to chew with my mouth closed. I admit that my manners are not perfect, but I always chew with my mouth closed, and must have just slipped up today, like everyone does from time to time. I was a little annoyed, though, and thought it was a little rude. I am also pretty confident I wasn't chomping down on my food either.
I guess what bothered me even more was that the person sitting right next to him was chewing with his mouth open as well, and I see bad manners when I go to lunch with my peers all the time (elbows on the table, eating with hands), and that never gets called out, but I get called out. This person has called me out before, and while he is a very good friend of mine, it does get a little annoying because no one is perfect, and no one should try to act like they are. I guess it just bothers me that someone else is trying to parent me, especially considering that while I occasionally will do something bad-mannered, 99% of the time I am still chewing with my mouth closed.
Has anyone ever done this to you? Do you think this is appropriate?
I think it is rude to point out someone else's bad manners. I would only point it out if someone had something in their teeth or on their face, because they'd want to know, but I'd do it so only they heard me.
Okay y'all, I agree chewing with your mouth open is bad manners, but come on, is everyone perfect?
I am fairly sure there has been a time or two in everyones lives, where we have accidentally been chewing with our slightly open, and I really don't think you would like it if I called that nauseating.
I haven't seen you eat so I don't know if it is gross or not. But generally, I get really annoyed by people who chew loudly or smack or have the mouth open while eating.
It is rude to correct an adult, but sometimes these things need to get pointed out because you don't really notice yourself, right?
I really don't like when people say "nobody is perfect" to justify bad behavior. So could I just go around, killing kittens and say "nobody is perfect" and all is good? No.
If I have bad manners, I want others to tell me so I can correct it. I would hate to go through the rest of my life with a flaw that everybody notices and gets grossed out with but I don't even know ...
OP you said you didn't know that you were chewing with your mouth open this time, then you say that you chew with your mouth closed 99% of the time. How do you know that? If you didn't realize it was open this time, would you have realized it the other 99% of the time? Maybe you are always chewing with mouth open and don't realize it. Maybe your friend was tired of being grossed out. Or maybe he wanted to help you so you wouldn't look like a cud-chewing cow in front of everyone else at the table.
It is bad manners to call out other people's bad manners, but I think he was doing you a favor.
I would agree with all of the posters that point more to potential problems with this 'good friend'.
It is common with 'friendships', that a dominant/submissive relationship exists.
This other person would appear to be playing a dominant role here or they wouldn't be trying to control your behavior this way.
Just maybe, you accepted this sort of treatment up until now, but you're no longer willing to accept this.
This sort of change often happens with people and it often leads to the end of relationships.
If you're interested in continuing the relationship then make it clear to this person that you aren't going to put up with this sort of control any longer and if they continue this behavior then distance yourself and spend time with people who aren't trying to control you.
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). That made me conscious of something that I wanted to correct and I wasn't mad at her at all. If an already abusive friend said something like that to me, I would have told them to stick it. So see - just consider the source.
