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I can't believe all of the bashing the OP has gotten here, along the lines of: "OMG! A 25 yr. old made an adventurous decision to move abroad--it's not quite working out, & now......she wants to borrow $600!, Gasp!". Must be punished, & taught a lesson. (Some of it sounds close to the infamous "Romney 47%" bashing, to me).
I'm curious--just when should a person make an adventurous decision to move abroad? I'd think in their 20's? When they may not have a lot of $$?
When they can afford to do it on their own dime. Obviously this OP is not making enough to even pay for her own basic needs. The adventure is a fail....
Besides, what possible harm could come to a 25 y.o. female in a foreign country should she lose her apt, & have nowhere to live? Oh, but that'd be her fault, right, so who cares?
Perhaps if the money were for a plane ticket home...instead of to stay yet another month gtting deeper and deeper in the whole..
carrala, when your parents are 20-30 years older, & come asking for help from you possibly......might be time for them to get a lecture, for them to learn "the hard facts of life"......
If they keep supporting her lousy economic business decisions that may happen sooner
I do think you need to......rethink your whole relationship with your parents, & do everything possible to become totally free of ever needing their help. Which could mean you wouldn't have time to "visit them many times a year", or "talk to them almost every day".......now that I think of it, that could be part of the problem......(??)....maybe you just need more distance from them in several ways.....(??).....
The parents may be thinking the same way....Earn it...like they obviously did. Also, know when to pull the plug on a bad decision...And it is prudent to do so....not dependent on her parents financing. So...if she didn't have enough to pay her rent this month...How in the world could she pay them back, plus her rent...Plane ticket, one way home.
The elephant in the room that she doesn't want to talk about is what will she do different in the future to ensure that she doesn't get into the same position again in a month or two.
No one can "ensure" anything about the future. They can only make choices they think will place them in a prepared position and count their blessings if that's actually how everything works out because it doesn't always, regardless of how well and responsibly you plan.
OP, there is no right or wrong when it comes to someone else giving someone money, only whether or not they're being "reasonable" or "fair" in your eyes and since people have the "right" to be unreasonable or unfair with their own money, that ends up being irrelevant anyhow. Like others have said, they don't want to give you money and they don't have to, oh well, on to plan B then C then D until you find something that works or, maybe less favorably, aren't able to make it work and end up on the street. Then you'll have another set of things to worry about.
Quote:
Originally Posted by JanND
The parents may be thinking the same way....Earn it...like they obviously did.
Why is that obvious? A number of people who are supporting themselves now with good jobs, homes, cars, in a comfortable financial position able to raise kids and help them out received help themselves in the past. Doesn't mean they didn't earn what they have at the moment.
Just like her parents helping her in this situation wouldn't mean the OP didn't earn it if and when she finally becomes stable and no longer needs help.
cyberphonics....Obviously her parents have made it to the point that they financed her education....
Seriously...the issues this OP is describing are ludicrous given the position many people with adult children are in. Many folks cannot afford college for their children. Paying tuition and expenses for a kid in college is a struggle financially. You go without, and not for a short duration.
This OP is not 18, stranded away at college...She is 25...A fully educated adult...with job experience, she hasn't said whether she lived on her own after college...But, lets assume she has......and she decided to roll the dice and go overseas, giving up a job to do so...It hasn't worked out, she cannot even afford to pay her rent. These were choices she made...At some point a person has to be accountable.
Where is it written that this is her parents responsibility??
Sometimes parents have to say No. She should check on a personal loan at the bank...Banks are in the business of financing other peoples decisions...they are insured against failure...parents are not.
cyberphonics....Obviously her parents have made it to the point that they financed her education....
Seriously...the issues this OP is describing are ludicrous given the position many people with adult children are in. Many folks cannot afford college for their children. Paying tuition and expenses for a kid in college is a struggle financially. You go without, and not for a short duration.
This OP is not 18, stranded away at college...She is 25...A fully educated adult...with job experience, she hasn't said whether she lived on her own after college...But, lets assume she has......and she decided to roll the dice and go overseas, giving up a job to do so...It hasn't worked out, she cannot even afford to pay her rent. These were choices she made...At some point a person has to be accountable.
Where is it written that this is her parents responsibility??
Sometimes parents have to say No. She should check on a personal loan at the bank...Banks are in the business of financing other peoples decisions...they are insured against failure...parents are not.
^^^This. And her parents are at an age where they're planning for their retirement. Any financial advisor will tell you that your kids have their whole lives to earn, whereas 10-15 years out, you're running out of options for your own retirement. At that age, you should not be diverting funds away that will be needed to support you in your golden years when you're past the age/ability to earn.
And to add to that I don't know how old you are but I'm 23 and don't ask my parents for anything even though they're far from being badly off financially. Be independent. It's part of being an adult. You just sound spoiled to be honest.
I hate, hate, hate to depend on my parents for money. I avoid it at all costs. They gave me $300/mo when I was in college just to pay for food and other costs. They footed the bill for my cellphone, etc honestly because it would have been more expensive to terminate me from the contract AND it was one of the agreements when I went to college that as long as I was a full-time student, that would be my job and they would pay the extras (not that there were many).
Once I left college, my parents still helped. Especially this past fall when I was laid off. I have never, EVER expect that my parents loan me money. Ever. It's ridiculous to assume that just because they are my parents that they should loan me money.
When I was struggling to pay the bills and my rent from November-January, my parents helped. I didn't expect it. I called my dad one day just trying to figure out what to do and I was in such a state my dad didn't ask any questions and gave me a check for 3 months rent.
To this day, I feel absolutely HORRIBLE about it. I would never once expect my parents to be obligated to give me money even if they "can afford it", and the fact that they did out of love for me makes me eternally grateful. So basically, what I am trying to say is that it is ridiculous that you expect them to automatically loan you money, after the fact that you relayed that they did not agree with your choice to move out of the country. It is their right to tell you that they will not, and you have to accept it.
Why am I inmature? I supported myself during studies, I had a job after graduating.. so what? The countey I'm working in has very low salaries, so it wasn't really possible to put something on the side.
And I've never asked my parents for money and I'm not using them as an ATM- I talk to them almost every day, I'm a good daughter and I never asked them for anything. I never lended money to them and I did a lot of things for them. It's not just a taking and taking. You're judging without even knowing me or my family.
But this is an emergency and it's for just three weeks. I wouldn't even hesitate if they needed money and I had the money. I would lend it to them immediately.
Choosing to stay in a place with a low salary is choosing to be poor. Get to a place that pays more.
That New Jersey teen who sued her parents sure got her "comeuppance" from the judge. Good for him!
There is no right or wrong in these situations. People do what they can afford, or even if they can afford it and don't want to support a child, they don't.
I have seen too many situations where relatives end up fighting over worthless garbage left by their dearly departeds or fighting like swine over a few pennies (or millions) left in bank accounts. It's all so dehumanizing. We decided a long time ago to be generous NOW so that we can enjoy watching our kids benefit from what we are doing for them or giving to them. It's fun but we do not know any other parents who are doing this. That doesn't make us right and them wrong. It simply is what we are doing because we decided to do it.
If you put a price on your relationship with your parents, are you willing to lose them over $600.00?
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