I'm in my 30's and I'm still ashamed of my parents. (boyfriend, father)
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Is this normal or a sign of immaturity on my part? I left home at 18 and moved halfway across the country, so I only see them maybe once a year at most, or once every couple of years - but when I'm around them, they embarrass the hell out of me. And I don't mean in the intentional way that parents do. I mean I'm embarrassed of them as people.
They are from a very small town in the Midwest, and it shows. I'm not exactly super high class pretentious city girl, but that was always something that embarrassed me about them. My dad, for instance, has the table manners of someone who was born in a barn. He carries a handkerchief and will repeatedly blow his nose at the table... and by blow his nose, I mean blow his nose and dig around in there for a good minute or so each time. IN THE MIDDLE OF A RESTAURANT. People stare, I lose my appetite... it's just disgusting. He also belches constantly due to legit stomach issues but makes absolutely no effort to minimize the sound. It's LOUD, and frequent. I mean we were in a tour group yesterday all crammed in a small room and he was still doing it. Mortifying.
My mother for some reason thinks she is better than everyone and is completely rude and dismissive of customer service people and waiters/waitresses. She will talk down to them, or ignore them, and god forbid a thank you come out of that woman's mouth. I actually have to thank people FOR HER.
I could go on and on but those are the two main things that came up this time.
I figured I would outgrow this at some point but nope, I'm in my 30's and still embarrassed to introduce them to people. The last guy I dated didn't meet them until about five years in (when things were already going downhill), and the guy I'm dating now was luckily out of town during this year's visit. I really try to be mature and not let that stuff bother me, but it just does. I told my boyfriend, you can meet them... at our wedding. We aren't anywhere near even being engaged.
Yea, don't try to change them, that won't work anyway. Try to accept it and move on.
I'm also ashamed of my parents. My father is socially absolutely awkward and has an embarrassing humor and my mother thinks she's better than everyone else, she's full of prejudices and behaves like an absolutely crazy person sometimes, being unfriendly to people who are nice to her. I hate it as well, but I realized they will never change.
my mom use to say " Dont judge an Indian till you have walked a mile in his moccasins". I guess they are from a rural area or they just dont get how their mannerisms effect you. maybe you could suggest the polite the proper way to behave in public or make it a point to thank the waiter in front of them. Are you 100 % sure you are not being over sensitive about them? Meaning are you sure this is really what is bugging you or is it something else? Just wondering..
Hmm, I thought that your parents beat you and locked you in the basement before reading your thread.
I think you are just a person that places importance on social status and appearances. If either one of my parents provided me with food shelter and unconditional love....I would not care if they belch, pick their noses or what ever.
You should not be ashamed. Tell your significant other from the very beginning that your parents are eccentric, hysterically funny, REAL people.
My grandfather, (may he rest in PEACE) was a weekend drunk. I loved him and miss that man every day since he died in 2001. I didn't care that he would get wasted, because I knew that he was a good person with an addiction. He even showed up at one of my high school performances high as a kite. Was I embarrassed? Not really. He made me laugh. My mother was all stressed out, saying "He wasn't drunk when I picked him up." He loved me unconditionally, and I didn't care if he was a sloppy drunk. He was there for me. When I cut my hand and required stitches. He showed up and took me to the emergency room. When I was going through my rebellious teen years, he didn't judge me. My grandfather always had my back.
When he died, I spoke at his funeral. I described that unconditional love and how he filled a void in my heart. He taught me how to love.
I know it sounds strange, but no one is perfect. Please, don't be ashamed of your parents. What they project to the outside world is real. People that want you to pass the Grey Poupon with their noses up in the air only act like they are so sophisticated. They are just wearing a mask.
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