Parents don't want to lend me money (retired, college, mother)

[DaniellaG]

I don't know how I feel about this issue and some depends on factors leading up to this. Are you always in a financial bind? Are you out of employment or living beyond your means? What is the relationship with your parents beyond money? How are they doing financially?
Recently I asked my grandfather who is extremely wealthy were talking Bentley, yacht, so forth for some financial help due to a medical condition I have. I am his only grandchild and he said no. He always states how he has more money then he could ever spend. I have not asked him for anything because even if he did I knew I would never hear the end of it but because of my medical problems I did. It is hurtful and frustrating but there is nothing I can do as it is his choice what to do with his money.
So I guess in your situation you asked them and they said no so now you need to come up with a plan. Possibly if you go back and talk to them and get more feedback on why it could also help since your parents sounded angry initially. Now they cooled down things may be more clear.

[germaine2626]

Originally Posted by carrala

Hi

So I asked my parents to lend me money for three weeks, until I get my payment. My mother got really angry and said that she's tired of helping me, that they already gave me enough when I was a student. That she's tired of taking care of me and my stuff. And that she doesn't want to lend me money, even though I said I will give it back to her in three weeks.

My parents are not rich, but they're having a decent life. Both are working full-time in office jobs, own a house , have two cars and plenty of holidays.

There was an issue that no one brought up. I was thinking that perhaps her parents aren't as financially secure as she thinks. Maybe, they were really having trouble giving her the extra money during her college years but knew that it was only temporary.

Or maybe they have had more recent financial problems that they didn't want to share with their daughter. Who knows, maybe one parent has lost their job or had a cut in hours or maybe they are having unexpected medical expenses. Maybe they needed to spend more money supporting their parents.

Even if both parents are working what if that was the month that the refrigerator broke, and a car needed major repairs AND the air conditioner broke.

Heck, during July my husband and I had close to $4,000 of unexpected dental bills. If our daughter had called and asked for $600, at the same time, we may have been a little angry too. Not really at our daughter but at the rotten timing.

[CSD610]

Originally Posted by carrala

Hi,

during my studies my parents always supported me with some money. They never took loans for me or gave me a lot of money (I always had to work to survive) but they gave me some every month.

Then I graduated and they stopped supporting me, obviously. I had a job so I didn't need to. Then I got a job offer from abroad and I decided to take it. My parents tried to convince me not to go and got really angry, but I did so anyway. I was working there for a while, then I got laid off. First I was desperate, then my selfemployment started to work out! I had been trying to make money selfemployed for a while, but then finally 2 months ago, when I got laid off, it started to work out. The payments come really late though, always 60-90 days after earning. So this months I'm really short on money and cannot even pay my rent.

So I asked my parents to lend me money for three weeks, until I get my payment. My mother got really angry and said that she's tired of helping me, that they already gave me enough when I was a student. That she's tired of taking care of me and my stuff. And that she doesn't want to lend me money, even though I said I will give it back to her in three weeks.

My parents are not rich, but they're having a decent life. Both are working full-time in office jobs, own a house , have two cars and plenty of holidays.

What do you guys think? Is my mother right to not help me in this situation? Or should a family help each other with any possible issue? I don't know what to think.

Thanks!

I think I would have told you the same thing and I would have added that you need to plan better when you do get paid to ensure that your debts are covered in the 60 - 90 days before payment.

You are lucky they supported you the entire time you were a student so time to grow up and learn financial responsibility.

[Huckleberry3911948]

r u grown? did u get the overseas job against their advice? how do u figure they owe u?

[cocaseco]

Originally Posted by carrala

Why am I inmature? I supported myself during studies, I had a job after graduating.. so what? The countey I'm working in has very low salaries, so it wasn't really possible to put something on the side.
And I've never asked my parents for money and I'm not using them as an ATM- I talk to them almost every day, I'm a good daughter and I never asked them for anything. I never lended money to them and I did a lot of things for them. It's not just a taking and taking. You're judging without even knowing me or my family.

But this is an emergency and it's for just three weeks. I wouldn't even hesitate if they needed money and I had the money. I would lend it to them immediately.

Language is clearly getting in the way here. But honestly, if you go to a public forum asking for opinions about your life, be very prepared for judgement. To expect anything less is unrealistic and likely expect worse.

[Lee W.]

Never ever ever look at your parents as your own personal bank once you are grown. If they wanted to help you, fine. But don't ever blame them for NOT lending you money. It's not their obligation at this point. You're grown now, you're totally responsible for your finances.

[DR2012]

A grown person has no right to expect their parents to give them money, no.

If they say no, then it means no. That's that. You are a grown up, then it's your problem. If they don't want to lend it, too bad. It doesn't matter if they are doing well. It's not their responsibility to take care of you once you are an adult. I would expect most parents would not want their kids to be homeless or starve, but at some point an adult has to start dealing this this issue themselves. They've taken care of you in the past, at some point they are probably tired of giving you money and have to stop so you'll become self-sufficient.

People think just because someone has plenty of money that they should somehow give it to their family members. No, you are an adult. Earn your own damn money. You aren't entitled to a handout just because someone has something you don't. It amazes me that people today think they have some "right" to another persons money just because they are a blood relative. Legally, NO, you cannot just expect to take your parents or relatives money just because they have it and you don't. And not morally, either. There is no obligation that a relative should hand over money to you because they have more than you.

[convextech]

Originally Posted by carrala

Hi,

during my studies my parents always supported me with some money. They never took loans for me or gave me a lot of money (I always had to work to survive) but they gave me some every month.

Then I graduated and they stopped supporting me, obviously. I had a job so I didn't need to. Then I got a job offer from abroad and I decided to take it. My parents tried to convince me not to go and got really angry, but I did so anyway. I was working there for a while, then I got laid off. First I was desperate, then my selfemployment started to work out! I had been trying to make money selfemployed for a while, but then finally 2 months ago, when I got laid off, it started to work out. The payments come really late though, always 60-90 days after earning. So this months I'm really short on money and cannot even pay my rent.

So I asked my parents to lend me money for three weeks, until I get my payment. My mother got really angry and said that she's tired of helping me, that they already gave me enough when I was a student. That she's tired of taking care of me and my stuff. And that she doesn't want to lend me money, even though I said I will give it back to her in three weeks.

My parents are not rich, but they're having a decent life. Both are working full-time in office jobs, own a house , have two cars and plenty of holidays.

I am a parent and we supported our kids while they went to school also. But once they got out and got jobs, they had to pay rent and help around the house or get their own place.

We help them every now and then, when there is an emergency, but not if it's because of some idiotic decision they made. That's because we want them to learn from their mistakes instead of bailing them out every time an issue comes up.

In your case, you had a good job, and then made the decision to quit and accepted another job that you had no idea was stable or not, despite your parents suggesting you not go. That should have told you in the back of your mind that it wasn't a good idea. We as parents don't say things just to be mean. We are always trying to help you, even if it's just with advice.

By the way, your parents earned that money, they earned the right to a nice home, and they earned the right to vacation together. [/quote]

Originally Posted by carrala

What do you guys think? Is my mother right to not help me in this situation? Or should a family help each other with any possible issue? I don't know what to think.

Thanks!

I think your parents are absolutely right not to help. You didn't listen to their advice, which is fine, you are an adult. But you should have thought way in advance about what might happen if you got laid off. You also should have looked into your self-employment payment schedule and how long it would take to get paid for contracts.

It's a hard lesson to learn right now for sure, but I bet it you won't let it happen again.

[WoodyWW]

Originally Posted by carrala

1) Never. Although I had a job and a steady (but low) income, I kept living in a shared apartment. I never made expensive holidays or bought expensive stuff. I never lived over my limits.

2) No. Their debts for the house is paid and they go on vacation many times a year, to fancy places. As I said, they're not rich but they def have money on the side, properties and a great income.

3) A little bit, but I could never pay much because it's a very low paid job.

4) No. I talk to them almost every day and never about things like money. I visit them many times a year. I make them presents.

... and by the way, we're talking about lending me like 600$, not more.

I can't believe all of the bashing the OP has gotten here, along the lines of: "OMG! A 25 yr. old made an adventurous decision to move abroad--it's not quite working out, & now......she wants to borrow $600!, Gasp!". Must be punished, & taught a lesson. (Some of it sounds close to the infamous "Romney 47%" bashing, to me).

I'm curious--just when should a person make an adventurous decision to move abroad? I'd think in their 20's? When they may not have a lot of $$?

Besides, what possible harm could come to a 25 y.o. female in a foreign country should she lose her apt, & have nowhere to live? Oh, but that'd be her fault, right, so who cares?

carrala, when your parents are 20-30 years older, & come asking for help from you possibly......might be time for them to get a lecture, for them to learn "the hard facts of life"......

I do think you need to......rethink your whole relationship with your parents, & do everything possible to become totally free of ever needing their help. Which could mean you wouldn't have time to "visit them many times a year", or "talk to them almost every day".......now that I think of it, that could be part of the problem......(??)....maybe you just need more distance from them in several ways.....(??).....

[silibran]

To me it sounds as if your parents are angry at you for some reason. Are you still overseas? I find your account of all of this not very clear.