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Cutting a long story short: I'm white, and when I was eighteen and in college, I started dating a black man from my class. My parents vehemently disapproved, but we stayed together through all the stuff they threw at us. We got married when we were 24. My parents weren't present at the wedding. In fact, they weren't present for anything between I and my husband. Two years on from the wedding and I'm pregnant. We're having a baby boy and we're very much excited.
A couple of weeks ago I get a housecall from my mom and dad after the longest time ever. They heard I was pregnant and they said they had been stupid, they wanted to bury the hatchet, to leave things in the past and to move on as a family. Naturally I was shocked, and skeptical. My husband, however, comes from a strong family unit, and he's a very loving, gentle kind of man. He welcomed the idea with open arms.
Me? Not so sure. I know my parents and at times they can have a capacity for manipulation. I have heard several stories of parents who didn't approve of interracial relationships realising how stupid they've been and coming round after the grandkids are born, but it just seems too good to be true for me. My husband harbours completely different thoughts. He wants them in our lives. I'm kinda stuck in the middle. After everything that happened in the last eight years, I just find it difficult to trust them.
Are there any people out there who have been in a similar situation or have any constructive thoughts?
I'd take it as a genuine offer. They may have just woken up how stupid and bigoted they've been, and how poorly they've treated their grandchild's other family.
It happens.
Good luck to you, I bet you have a gorgeous baby!
ETA: I didn't encourage a relationship with my kids and my parents, because they were such jerks. Twenty years later, there's only one side with regrets, and it isn't mine. You reap what you sow in this world.
Honestly about the only thing you can do is welcome them as your husband is willing to and see what happens. If you find that they are going back to their old ways then you can deal with the issue IF it comes along. Maybe they truly have changed but time will tell. No need to worry with a bunch of "what if's" though. Enjoy your life, your husband, your pregnancy and see what happens with the parents in time. Congratulations on the baby, what a joyful time for you and your families.
Forgiveness is the key to happiness. Embrace them and move forward. Put the hard feelings aside. Pretend it never happened. They grew, you grew and you are growing a baby. All is well in the world.
Cutting a long story short: I'm white, and when I was eighteen and in college, I started dating a black man from my class. My parents vehemently disapproved, but we stayed together through all the stuff they threw at us. We got married when we were 24. My parents weren't present at the wedding. In fact, they weren't present for anything between I and my husband. Two years on from the wedding and I'm pregnant. We're having a baby boy and we're very much excited.
A couple of weeks ago I get a housecall from my mom and dad after the longest time ever. They heard I was pregnant and they said they had been stupid, they wanted to bury the hatchet, to leave things in the past and to move on as a family. Naturally I was shocked, and skeptical. My husband, however, comes from a strong family unit, and he's a very loving, gentle kind of man. He welcomed the idea with open arms.
Me? Not so sure. I know my parents and at times they can have a capacity for manipulation. I have heard several stories of parents who didn't approve of interracial relationships realising how stupid they've been and coming round after the grandkids are born, but it just seems too good to be true for me. My husband harbours completely different thoughts. He wants them in our lives. I'm kinda stuck in the middle. After everything that happened in the last eight years, I just find it difficult to trust them.
Are there any people out there who have been in a similar situation or have any constructive thoughts?
Thank you.
These are your parents and they are trying to reconcile with you, this is a GOOD thing!
Don't be so immature as to blow them off - they are the only parents you have and it sounds like they realized they made a mistake.
Take the high road, be the bigger person and try to rebuild your relationship.
At the very least, give it a shot.
You are on the verge of finding out just how very hard it is to be a parent.
And believe me, no matter how well intentioned you are, YOU WILL MAKE MISTAKES.
You better teach your own son the importance of compassion and forgiveness, or you could find yourself on the outs with HIM one day.
First of all congratulations on having a child. Make sure your home is always warm and welcome to him regardless of what happens.
The thing is, is people can change, your parents included. Your parents do not want to miss out on your new born's birth and life, and they want to reconcile there differences and(hopefully) welcome your husband into there lives with open arms, as well as your child. You should definitely meet them as husband and wife to discuss the change and how they will welcome your husband.
Bottom line is that baby needs both families in his life to know where he comes from and help him grow.
Cutting a long story short: I'm white, and when I was eighteen and in college, I started dating a black man from my class. My parents vehemently disapproved, but we stayed together through all the stuff they threw at us. We got married when we were 24. My parents weren't present at the wedding. In fact, they weren't present for anything between I and my husband. Two years on from the wedding and I'm pregnant. We're having a baby boy and we're very much excited.
A couple of weeks ago I get a housecall from my mom and dad after the longest time ever. They heard I was pregnant and they said they had been stupid, they wanted to bury the hatchet, to leave things in the past and to move on as a family. Naturally I was shocked, and skeptical. My husband, however, comes from a strong family unit, and he's a very loving, gentle kind of man. He welcomed the idea with open arms.
Me? Not so sure. I know my parents and at times they can have a capacity for manipulation. I have heard several stories of parents who didn't approve of interracial relationships realising how stupid they've been and coming round after the grandkids are born, but it just seems too good to be true for me. My husband harbours completely different thoughts. He wants them in our lives. I'm kinda stuck in the middle. After everything that happened in the last eight years, I just find it difficult to trust them.
Are there any people out there who have been in a similar situation or have any constructive thoughts?
Thank you.
Its better to accept that they want back into your life. Its better to cut off this hostility and let die down..
I think your husband has the right approach and says a lot about his character in his willingness to accept your parents apology. From my point of view he's in more of position to not want their apology is he not.
I think accepting their apology will a good both you, your husband and your parents.
Who needs a couple of bigots around who will likely, at times, make your kid feel inferior?
I'd tell them to take a hike if I were you.
exactly. I seen situations like this one too many times. Where the white grandparents treat the biracial children like garbage (not saying they all do that, but the ones that have a problem with it in the first place, don't change). I couldn't give two craps about 'fair weather' friends or parents, if I were you.
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