Move out to California (Nice: earthquakes, move to, medical)

[laysayfair]

Originally Posted by whatlifeforme

essentially, i have so many issues in my life and just cannot for the life of me focus. i was doing pretty good for a while, but i haven't been able to study in a while.

i have many issues with my teeth; i need orthognathic surgery. this affects my ability to focus, and function (i have pain all throughout my face), and i can't afford dental insurance.

that is just the start of it, but definitely one of the big issues.

i am very irritated by cold air; in the winter, after classes, i always have to run home and shower and throw on shorts and a shirt (this gets old); i know i sound like i'm complaining, but i sit in class at times and literally feel like i'm "coming out of my skin."

"How will California, specifically, and not some other state, cure all your ills?"

The ocean, the people (many homeless), the climate (although not quite Florida), the colleges seem more appropriate for me (although i think many of the students are snobby - UCLA types).

i mean do i really need to explain it; i do have specific concrete reasons, but right now i'm just trying to get away before the "big sleep."

in all honestly, i have some serious issues as of lately - i can't stand myself, hate looking at my reflection in the mirror, and my recent turn to alcohol as my only affordable form of education is not sufficient.

i have three (3) pages of issues i have self diagnosed no one cares to listen to (psychological, physical, etc.); i can't afford the appointments. thus, if i ever to figure out the college thing, i was thinking of saying screw it to math, philosophy, etc, and just studying psychology, but idk.

seems psychology field is really just a joke, there is really no helping hte mentally ill. i suppose i will save this aspect of my life for a mental health board, though.

If you go to school where you are won't there be counseling services available to you at school? The trouble with trying to leave psychological and/or emotional problems behind you is, "Everywhere you go- there you are".

[whatlifeforme]

Originally Posted by Snort

Can you go someplace and use a phone? I realize there are fewer public phones around these days, but hopefully you might be able to borrow someone's cell phone to make a toll-free call.

and do what? call the suicide hotline; wtf are they going to do? suggest a hospital and $20,000 worth of debt? not falling for it bro.

[Snort]

Originally Posted by whatlifeforme

schizophrenia amounts to lifelong suffering; anhedonia = never enjoy anything again; not treatable.

While schizophrenia is definitely one of the most difficult mental illnesses, it does not necessarily equate to "lifelong suffering". I used to work in clinical psychology before moving to educational psychology and have two years experience working with clients with schizophrenia.
If you have this diagnosis, you will have specific challenges, but can still lead a fulfilling life.
Give the hotline a call.

[whatlifeforme]

Originally Posted by laysayfair

If you go to school where you are won't there be counseling services available to you at school? The trouble with trying to leave psychological and/or emotional problems behind you is, "Everywhere you go- there you are".

idk. it sounds crazy, but i think a lot of it is a "self-fulfilling prophecy." i had issues when i was younger; i left that behind for a while, and was doing fine. i moved to an environment where people did not know or think much about that issue with me. my family, on the other hand seems to always think about that aspect of me, and bring that up. well, when i spoke to them.

now, i seem to be troubled again, and it seems much of it is how i perceive myself; i guess i just want to think that, though; the reality is i am getting sick, and it's not just because i am no longer "hiding," or trying to forget about my past and the mental health field.

the mind is a very complicated thing; thought patterns, etc. however, i don't think be around mentally ill, thinking that you are mentally ill, and others perceiving you as mentally ill, i sgoing to make you that bad off - maybe depression and perception issues, but nothing a long the lines of delusions or schizophrenia.

of course, i don't know anyone intelligent and caring enough that is willing to listen to that; most in the mental health field, once streotyped, write you off as crazy, and don't listen to anything you say - either a waste of time, or they have a fear of falling into your delusion? i suppose if i am selling myeslf as delusional, anyone here might be afraid of addressing me as real person and telling me how they truly feel as this is what psychology says is wrong; telling a delusional person they are delusional will only irritate them; lie to them, then speak the truth to others behind their back.

[whatlifeforme]

haha. i just realized you sent me suicide.com; where do you honestly get this "form of assitance," from?

[whatlifeforme]

you know what. i apologize, you don't seem to be gaining in anyway by referring me to the service. i suppose you are truly altruistic and care to help. i appreciate the gesture.

[nullgeo]

Originally Posted by Snort

While schizophrenia is definitely one of the most difficult mental illnesses, it does not necessarily equate to "lifelong suffering". I used to work in clinical psychology before moving to educational psychology and have two years experience working with clients with schizophrenia.
If you have this diagnosis, you will have specific challenges, but can still lead a fulfilling life.
Give the hotline a call.

I second this post. When I was a boy, my oldest sister suffered severely from suicidal manic-depression ... I performed several lifesaving acts for her when I was pre-teen and adolescent ... after many years in and out of hospitalization back then, she has, admittedly, suffered to some extent further -- and yet she has also married and given birth (to two marvelous young women) and had considerable success in the arts for the past 45 years since the worst was stabilized ... this sister continues to be one of my favorite and most important life-long friends.

I also participated for many years in the direct, live-in care for a severely schizophrenic brother-in-law, and am now married to a manic-depressive (on medication) with a history of falling into anhedonia ... she is a wonderful person nevertheless.

So, you can continue to push away the ideas that may lead toward solutions -- or you can consider them. There are many more folks in similar situation to yours than you might think. And there are many stories of success in dealing with such.

Again, best wishes.

[Woof]

Originally Posted by whatlifeforme

honestly, i think i am experiencing a disorder more severe than depression or bipolar. i had medicaid, but am no longer eligible as of my 21st birthday.

by the way, i think i'm going schizophrenic, which is why i'm like **** life - this **** is not fair. experience what i can before i go into full insanity, right?

if you read the thread, you would see i was on prozac = absolutely nothing.

Bipolar disorder, straight depression, and schizophrenia can all be on the psychotic level, and they're all as serious and disabling in their own way, and each almost as deadly especially regarding suicide, which kills about a third of each group even if medicated.

If you were schizophrenic, your posts wouldn't make much sense (unless you were prodromal, heading toward fullblown psychosis but not there). You would almost certainly be hearing loud voices in your head (music doesn't count) and perhaps other kinds of hallucinations as well.

I studied psychiatry extensively (on my own after experiencing my first episodes), that's why I know so much about it.

Again I'm not a shrink, but if you do get a diagnosis I'll bet anything he will say you have either dysthymia or major depression, concurrent with one of the personality disorders (perhaps schizophreniform or schizoid personality disorder). You can google those if you wish, there's lots of material. I think the older headshrinker manual is online - would that be DSM IV+ or V? I haven't looked lately.

Prozac was extemely bad for me, much worse than nothing. However Celexa helps to a limited degree, and then I take something for the bipolar 2 disorder as well.

[whatlifeforme]

Originally Posted by nullgeo

I second this post. When I was a boy, my oldest sister suffered severely from suicidal manic-depression ... I performed several lifesaving acts for her when I was pre-teen and adolescent ... after many years in and out of hospitalization back then, she has, admittedly, suffered to some extent further -- and yet she has also married and given birth (to two marvelous young women) and had considerable success in the arts for the past 45 years since the worst was stabilized ... this sister continues to be one of my favorite and most important life-long friends.

I also participated for many years in the direct, live-in care for a severely schizophrenic brother-in-law, and am now married to a manic-depressive (on medication) with a history of falling into anhedonia ... she is a wonderful person nevertheless.

So, you can continue to push away the ideas that may lead toward solutions -- or you can consider them. There are many more folks in similar situation to yours than you might think. And there are many stories of success in dealing with such.

Again, best wishes.

wow. awesome post. how do you feel about your sister having children? (i hope i am not offending you, or anyone else, in anyway). however, no one can deny this question. i mean my father basically told me i "was like cancer." yet, there are many people who refuse to believe they are sick, refuse to get treatment; i recognize my issues - have self diagnosed them, and am asking for help, but am concerned about school and living a normal life within my own control outside of treatment.

i am sick of threats saying - we will take - uh i have forgotten the term now - but essentially control of your life as if you were a minor, in which we can commit you at any time, for as long as we wish, and have all control of your life. your say, your feelings, and what you believe is true has no merit. whatever we say goes, period.

[whatlifeforme]

what does an "official diagnosis," mean? if i go to a shrink and tell them that i think i am schizophrenic, and they diagnose me, does this go on a particular medical record? does this in anyway impact my life?