[Suncoast Guy]

An elderly woman was brought to the ER with a fractured hip. The ER doctor knew that surgery would be in order for the patient. "Have you ever undergone surgery?" he asked.

"Yes," the woman said. "Remember what type of surgery was it?" "I'm not sure," the old lady said. "It was a long time ago." The physician noticed a scar on the right side of the woman's abdomen. He pointed to the scar. "Is this where you had the surgery?" he asked. "No," said the woman. "It was in Brooklyn."

[Suncoast Guy]

A young woman went to her doctor complaining of pain.

"Where are you hurting?" asked the doctor."You have to help me, I hurt all over", said the woman.

"What do you mean, all over?" asked the doctor, "be a little more specific."

The woman touched her right knee with her index finger and yelled, "Ow, that hurts." Then she touched her left cheek and again yelled, "Ouch! That hurts, too." Then she touched her right earlobe, "Ow, even THAT hurts", she cried. The doctor checked her thoughtfully for a moment and told her his diagnosis, "You have a broken finger."

[Rainbow Island]

Life is like a dog sled team. If you ain't the lead dog, the scenery never changes.

[Suncoast Guy]

Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop."

Customer: "Ok."

Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?"Customer: "No."

Tech Support: "Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?"

Customer: "No."

Tech Support: "Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?"

Customer: "Sure, you told me to write 'click' and I wrote click'."

[Suncoast Guy]

A caller dial the operator: Can you give me the telephone number for Jack? The operator says I'm sorry, sir, I do not understand. The caller continues, on page 1 section 5, of the user guide it clearly states that I need to unplug the fax machine from the AC wall socket and telephone jack before cleaning. "Now, can you give the number for Jack?

[sandgirl]

Little Johnny came downstairs bellowing lustily. His mother asked, “What’s the matter now?” “Dad was hanging pictures, and just hit his thumb with a hammer,” said Johnny through his tears. “That’s not so serious,” soothed his mother. “I know you are upset, but a big boy like you shouldn’t cry at something like that. Why didn’t you laugh?” “I did!” sobbed Johnny.

[sandgirl]

A group of well-intentioned people met to discuss ways and means of helping a close friend who had been down on his luck recently. Knowing him to be an extremely proud person who would not accept money, they decided to arrange a bogus raffle. They told him that they would all draw numbered slips of paper from a hat, and the person who drew the number four would win $500. They did not tell him that the number "four" was on every slip. After the drawing, each of the conspirators glanced at their slips and crumbled them up in the manner of disappointed losers. Then they waited to hear their friend announce that he had drawn the winning number. But he did not speak. Finally, one member of the group asked him, knowingly, "What number did you draw?" "Six and seven-eighths," he replied, holding up the hat-size tag.

[sandgirl]

A woman said to her friend, "I don't know what to do. My husband is such a mess maker that you can't imagine. He doesn't put anything in its place, I am always going around the house organizing things." The friend says, "Take a tip from me. The first week after we were married I told my husband firmly, 'Every glass and plate that you take, wash when you are done and put back in its place.'" The first woman asked, "Did it help?" Her friend said, "I don't know. I haven't seen him since."

[Suncoast Guy]

A court appointed lawyer was defending this idiot in lower court.

The judge found him guilty, and said 30 days and $30.00.

The lawyer said "what do you want to do?"

Not having much education the idiot said, "Let's peal it up stairs"

The lawyer said "your honor we appeal this case up to a higher court"

When they got in the higher court the judge said 60 days and $60.00.

What do you want to do now, he asked the idiot?

Let's peal it back down stairs.

[Suncoast Guy]

This yokel was applying for a job and was being asked the normal questions; Name, age, sex, address, etc.

The interviewer asks him for his father's name and his mother's maiden name.

What do you mean maiden name? The yokel asked.

What was your mother's name before she was married?

None he replied, what do you mean none? Because I didn't have a mother before she was married.