Plural Marriage (Seattle, Tacoma, Redmond: fit in, schools, living in)

[socofam]

Our "dilemma" is this....we are a young family who happens to be in a plural marriage situation. (One husband, 2 wives, and between us, 6 kids). We are not religious, so we aren't your typical FLDS polygamists. We need to be somewhere where we are accepted. Our kids are young, 10 and under. We are extremely normal people in every way. We don't have radical, liberal beliefs. We are just like the family next door, but like 2 combined families.

So my question is this: We are considering moving from out of state to Washington. Specifically, we like Maple Valley. Our hope is to find a little acerage outside the city, but our kids still attend Tahoma S.D. Schools in Maple Valley. How do you think we would be received? Are people there ultra conservative church goers? We are not the type to flaunt our personal lives, so while we would want to be open about it, we wouldn't be parading ourselves down the street. We're hoping for a "live and let live" attitude and for our kids to not have to hide their family. To have friends over, play sports, etc.

Thanks so much for any thoughts.

[jacqueg]

Dunno about Maple Valley in particular, but the PNW is probably one of the most laissez-faire areas in the country. I've known of several polyamorous households here. Stay reasonably close to the Oly/Tacoma/Seattle area and most suburbs, and you should have little trouble. SW WA is more conservative, but even there, you'd most likely be dealing with whispers in some quarters, not mass ostracism or worse.

That said, there is a strong military presence in Tacoma, and they do tend to be more socially conservative, so I'd watch the op-ed and letters pages in the local newspaper for a few months before I picked an area.

[RotseCherut]

Originally Posted by socofam

Our "dilemma" is this....we are a young family who happens to be in a plural marriage situation. (One husband, 2 wives, and between us, 6 kids). We are not religious, so we aren't your typical FLDS polygamists. We need to be somewhere where we are accepted. Our kids are young, 10 and under. We are extremely normal people in every way. We don't have radical, liberal beliefs. We are just like the family next door, but like 2 combined families.

So my question is this: We are considering moving from out of state to Washington. Specifically, we like Maple Valley. Our hope is to find a little acerage outside the city, but our kids still attend Tahoma S.D. Schools in Maple Valley. How do you think we would be received? Are people there ultra conservative church goers? We are not the type to flaunt our personal lives, so while we would want to be open about it, we wouldn't be parading ourselves down the street. We're hoping for a "live and let live" attitude and for our kids to not have to hide their family. To have friends over, play sports, etc.

Thanks so much for any thoughts.

All I can say is I am envious of the polygamy part..

[amaiunmei]

Honestly, I think your main concern may be cost of living and not the social situation.

Unless all three adults are working at Microsoft, I'd say that you may want to be aware that everything even remotely childcare-related costs a lot of money around in these parts.

As for the plural marriage thing ... meh. Polyamory (distinct from polygamy, but still related) is VERY popular in this area. I can attest to several blended families, communities, etc. Shoot, Duvall and Redmond are loaded with poly Microsofties of nearly every stripe. You'll fit in there.

[sean98125]

You've chosen a lifestyle that will raise questions. Some people will be okay with it, some will think it odd and won't be terribly comfortable in your home. Probably no different than where you are now. It's unlikely that you'll face any violence but your kids are likely to be teased in school as any kid with an identifiable significant difference would be. Things won't change just because you're living in a relatively unchurched area.

[Seacove]

It's unusual and I don't know any families like that but I can't imagine anyone teasing the children or being mean to them in any way. There's no reason for that ever, ever.

[socofam]

Originally Posted by sean98125

It's unlikely that you'll face any violence a.

Well good Lord, I would hope not. I understand kids can be mean, but it's our hope with this potential move that our kids are in an environment with kids whose parents teach them an ounce of tolerance.

[socofam]

Originally Posted by PS90

So, what you are saying is that it's legal via technicality. I'm not sure that makes it okay.

But see, here lies the issue. We aren't asking for anyone's approval, only acceptance. As in, you don't have to agree with it, we just want to be in a community where the attitude is "well, it's not for us, but to each his own". Because we are highly educated, upper class, law abiding citizens who want the best for their kids, just like every other parent out there. Our choice in relationship is similar to that of a gay couple. I personally am not crazy about it, and it's absolutely not for me. But, if you show me a couple with some sense of kindness and who doesn't shove the fact that they're gay down my throat, I'll give them the kindness in return that they deserve and not criticize their personal choices. If you came to our home, the only thing "abnormal" you would observe is there are 3 adults living there.

[Seacove]

Originally Posted by socofam

But see, here lies the issue. We aren't asking for anyone's approval, only acceptance. As in, you don't have to agree with it, we just want to be in a community where the attitude is "well, it's not for us, but to each his own". Because we are highly educated, upper class, law abiding citizens who want the best for their kids, just like every other parent out there. Our choice in relationship is similar to that of a gay couple. I personally am not crazy about it, and it's absolutely not for me. But, if you show me a couple with some sense of kindness and who doesn't shove the fact that they're gay down my throat, I'll give them the kindness in return that they deserve and not criticize their personal choices. If you came to our home, the only thing "abnormal" you would observe is there are 3 adults living there.

I think gays would disagree with this strongly. I don't think gays choose to be gay. This is obviously a life style choice and whatever floats your boat but I don't think gays would want to be likened to a multi-partner relationship. I wouldn't have the heart to ask for fear of offending but my understanding is that is a perception they do not want.

[TrueTimbers]

Originally Posted by PS90

What?

I guess it's just the conservative redneck in me, but is that legal and/or acceptable? What am I missing here?

What are liberals going to okay with next - marrying your cat? Or your blow-up doll?

"Wow. Holier-than-thou much?"

Back at ya..

---
OK... I guess I am a liberal redneck... I do find plural marriage odd. Maybe I just read too many National Geographic magazines or something... I don't know...

Heck Geese don't even have Plural mates... But many animals do... Chickens got one rooster to many hens.

So I suppose it is a "natural thing" here on good ole planet earth... So I accept it.

--
OP it would take me a while to get used to it, but after a short time, we would get used to it, and you would be like any other neighbor we judge by quality of character not what they do in the bedroom. (That ain't none of my business anyhow..)