Plural Marriage?!? (Tulsa, Jenks, Davis: hairstyles, attorney, home)

[PeaceLoveEmpathy]

Hello, my name is Zoey. I saw an earlier post about Mormons and just couldn't help myself. My family believes in and practices plural marriage and I am the first of three wives. Originally I grew up in a small town in Oklahoma, was Baptist, then moved to Utah for an adventure. And what an adventure I have had! My husband is from a plural family, and after hearing all the pros and cons I decided that this is a way that I would like to live. Two wives have joined us over the years, and funny enough, one grew up in Jenks! Living in Oklahoma is much different than Utah, and personally we like the culture of Oklahoma more (cough...Sooners...cough). After a couple of years of trying, Diana and I have finally convinced the other two to move to Oklahoma. And here lies our questions.

My family is what you would refer to modern 'polygamist'. We don't wear prairie dresses or have weird hairstyles. We are independent fundamentalist Mormons, meaning we don't follow a leader or prophet. And certainly not someone like Warren Jeffs (the bastard). We don't believe in underage marriage/abuse or child brides. And the wives are not romantically involved with each other, just the husband. All of us (Daniel, Diana, Julie, and I) are all in our twenties, so it's not like we are married to someone old enough to be our father/grandfather (yuck!!!).

We are a little hesitant moving to Oklahoma, obviously. We can't move to my hometown; way too small. So we were thinking of moving to Jenks. Diana grew up there and loved the experience. And I like that it's a k-12 school.

We aren't technically breaking any laws. All of us wives are over 21, quite legal. Daniel, our husband, is only legally married to me; the other 'marriages' are spiritual only. So no bigamy laws are broken. Oklahoma, unlike Utah, does not have a co-habitation law, and there isn't common law marriage any longer.

We aren't planning on airing our 'dirty laundry' to the community but things are bound to come up. Especially with 8 kids in school (so far) all with the same last name and father. And we don't plan on trying to convince others to join our lifestyle. We certainly know that it isn't for everybody!

If we keep quiet and keep our noses clean, so to speak, do you think that we will face much discrimination. I know that most people are against what we do, and I understand that. I'm not for pushing my religion down your throat (unlike LDS in Utah ), and I really don't want to get into a religious discussion. I just wanna know if ourselves and our children will be okay.

[PeaceLoveEmpathy]

^^^ And we are not 'bleeding the beast'. Three out of four of us have college degrees and make quite a good living. We have never been on food stamps and don't plan on it. (food is pretty expensive though, 11 kids total!) or welfare. And we own our home. I know a lot of polygamist get a bad rap for those issues, but I just want to make clear that is not our cup of tea.

[Goodpasture]

I cannot speak for anyone else anywhere else. I know I have no problem with it. I'm sure there are those that will scowl a bit....maybe even more than a bit.....but if you keep it basically quiet I doubt there will be a problem, because there are those who do, in fact, like to get involved in other people's lifestyle. But I think you will find that just about anywhere.

[PeaceLoveEmpathy]

Goodpasture;

Thank you for your honest reply! I know that most people won't understand why we choose to live this lifestyle and I respect that. I'm just tired of living in Utah where the LDS members deny a part of their history. It's a little discerning that the only reason that LDS prohibited polygamy was so they could be granted statehood. To me, religion is something that you stick by,
You don't just drop it when you want something better. After reading these replies, I'm hopeful that
citizens in Oklahoma will be tolerant.



"There is but one God, everything else is trifles" -- Elizabeth I

[linicx]

I'm going to say this much. I lived in NE OK for many years. I had Mormon friends who were wonderful neighbors. We did not discuss religion. They did not proselytize or do unto others. And in turn, neither were they.

I know nothing of plural wives, but if it is illegal in OKlahoma, it could well be a legal "cause" or enough reason to remove your children from your home.

If you wish, I can provide you with the name of an excellent OK attorney who can explain the implications to you before you make a final decision. You can click on my name and send a Direct Message to me.

[prerunner1982]

I don't think a small town in Oklahoma is going to be the place for such a family. I don't have any problem with your life style, however one wife is almost more than I can handle, can't imagine 3.
In a small town, as I am sure you know, once it gets out it doesn't take long for everyone to know and then it is hard to get away from. I think a larger town (Tulsa, OKC) may be a bit easier to keep things to yourself and if someone people find out you can still go places (out to eat, shopping, movies, etc) where people won't know your life style. In a larger city where the grades are split perhaps not all the kiddos would be in school together so it may not be as obvious to the classmates of their family situation. I realize probably not what you want, but would make it easier on the kids...
I generally say that Oklahoman's are good nice people, but when you through in non-traditional religious practices people here can be very stand offish, unfortunately.

Good luck, I think it is pretty brave for everyone involved to contemplate moving such a family out of Utah really.. but especially to the "Bible belt".

[debzkidz]

What Bass&Catfish said.

People here are pretty much live and let live, and being Mormon isn't a problem, but I guarantee the plural marriage thing might be more than many folks can handle. It's all good a well to live that way for the adults in the group, but you will be subjecting your kids to a very difficult time in school. People will find out, and when they do, their kids will not be allowed to play with your kids etc. Kids can be cruel. It might be one thing to live out in the country and home school your children, but to try to make it in suburbia might be a whole other story.

As for regular LDS folks, I know several families that are of that faith. No one seems to care about it in the least. I've been involved in a debate or two with some friends as to weather LDS are Christians or not. In my mind, as well as some of my friends, they are. Others I know don't think so, but they are still okay with Mormons.

[Bass&Catfish2008]

Originally Posted by debzkidz

What Bass&Catfish said.

People here are pretty much live and let live, and being Mormon isn't a problem, but I guarantee the plural marriage thing might be more than many folks can handle. It's all good a well to live that way for the adults in the group, but you will be subjecting your kids to a very difficult time in school. People will find out, and when they do, their kids will not be allowed to play with your kids etc. Kids can be cruel. It might be one thing to live out in the country and home school your children, but to try to make it in suburbia might be a whole other story.

As for regular LDS folks, I know several families that are of that faith. No one seems to care about it in the least. I've been involved in a debate or two with some friends as to weather LDS are Christians or not. In my mind, as well as some of my friends, they are. Others I know don't think so, but they are still okay with Mormons.

>>>>>
It's all good a well to live that way for the adults in the group, but you will be subjecting your kids to a very difficult time in school.
<<<<<

I think this is the main issue.

One must really reflect if taking such a risk is worth it. Unless I just had family back in Oklahoma that I wanted/needed to get back to, there is no way I would subject my kids to the possibility of such scrutiny/judgment.

[prerunner1982]

As long as they aren't coming here to picket soldier's funerals they are alright by me. Nothing worse than the crazies from Kansas.

[Katzpur]

Originally Posted by PeaceLoveEmpathy

I'm not sure what my username has to do with anything but you sure seem to be stuck on it. If its that interesting to you it happens to be a quote from Kurt Cobain... Not that it matters in this discussion.

Most people choose a user name that is meaningful to them, that describes either them or their worldview, or things they feel are important. Evidently, you're not one of them. That's okay. Now that you've cleared that up, I won't mention it again.

If you were to scan through the Utah boards you would see that there are tons of posts of non LDS people looking to move to Utah but wanting to stay away from those crazy Mormons.

That's right, and the non-LDS people in Utah always set them straight. They say that they get along very well with their LDS neighbors and that their kids have both LDS and non-LDS friends. For every post by a non-Mormon who says he or she has been discriminated against, there are ten posts to the contrary. But, as I said before, Utah county is completely different than Salt Lake County, Davis County or Weber County, and since you live in Utah County, I can understand why your experience has been a negative one.

You may see the above post as an opinion but the rest of us know it is the truth.

Don't be silly. Are you saying that I have one opinion and everybody else in Utah "knows the truth"?

I'm sorry that you feel I am doing something illegal but I can guarantee you that I am not. Polygamy & Bigamy is having multiple LEGAL spouses, but there is only one legal marriage in our family.

Oh, well then it's an entirely different matter. In your case, there is one legal marriage with a husband who is sleeping with other women who are okay with it. And if they're okay with it, I'm okay with it, too. I'm just saying that I doubt the average monogamous couple in Oklahoma is not going to be any more tolerant of your lifestyle (once they figure it out) than the average monogamous couple in Utah is. As a rule, people are not as tolerant as either you or I would like them to be.

If you remember, it used to be against the law for interracial couples to marry, but people have become more tolerant towards different lifestyles and that is what I am seeking.

I, too, hope for tolerance. I don't like the idea of government telling people who they can love, live with, have sex with, or marry.

I don't want to legalize plural marriage, I just don't want someone telling me, as a consenting adult, who I can or can't share my life with. I fully support gay/lesbian marriage for this same reason.

Then we're on the same page in that regard.