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Before I answer the OP, folks, she and her husband lived in South Carolina. They know what Myrtle Beach is like. The humidity would be a killer for me but I'm not her. Give her credit for having done the planning.
I live 750 miles from the nearest family member, my spouse. Aside from him, it's 1300 miles to the nearest blood relatives, who would be no help at all anyway and besides, I feel the same way about them.
I do think about what might happen later. I'm 64 too, and in fair health. My HMO wants me to schedule a colonoscopy, as it's been ten years. I told them I can't do that because I have no one to take me home afterwards. I know it's going to continue to be a series of things like that and they'll increase in severity as the years go by.
Oh, I expect I'll make friends here eventually. But it might be a while before I find my tribe.
I can't determine that for you but after years of pondering that very question I decided, "Heck, YES!"
I seriously love and admire your spunk!! If I lived closer, I would certainly drive you to that colonoscopy, as it is needed! I know here, they will keep you overnight if you have no one to drive you home. Please check that out with your doctor.
I know you will make friends soon! Who wouldn't like your attitude!!
It is hard to offer suggestions without any knowledge of your financial resources and your physical limitations and abilities.
We have no debt, however, we do not have a large savings account either. We have fairly new vehicles, nice home in a good neighborhood. However, my disability benefits from state of SC will end next year in October and we will lose $1200 a month, which is a huge amount to lose. We are frugal and my husband is a money miser, therefore we live as cheaply as we possibly can.
My husband has scoliosis, a few back surgeries from DDD and a really bad auto accident in 2000. He has hip and shoulder issues, bad Osteoarthritis. He has to have a hernia repair after the holidays. He rides his Harley sometimes when weather is warm enough, but not to hot, and not as much or as far anymore. It's getting harder for him to take care of our large yard. He once could do anything and did, but now we have to hire someone to do those things.
Me, I was diagnosed 18 years ago with SLE (Lupus), and actually had it for many years before then. It has not been easy to deal with. When it flares up, as it often does, I am completely at the mercy of my bed for lots of rest, sometimes for months. Have been hospitalized several times because of it. Fatigue is a huge problem, as is nerve damage. I don't talk about it because I don't want sympathy or to feel like I am an invalid. Have always been very active, unless when my lupus flares up. Have a lot of hobbies, such as painting furniture, decorative painting, writing, reading, sewing and walking when I can.
Soooo.... no, we would not be able to afford to hire someone to take care of us in anyway, if that scenario came to pass. I do not mind spending my final days in a nursing home, doesn't bother me at all. Would rather do that, than to have our children take care of us.
And elder life is not an all or nothing situation. We found mom a lovely senior independent apartment in a large well maintained if older community. Has some great things for elders like inside mail and garbage, planned activities, all utilities paid, and a bus service (since it is a large community and many dont drive). Here she pays around $800 for a large one bedroom apartment. She does not drive but has developed friendships with people who do and we are 20 minutes away. They have several companies that can provide services on an as needed basis when the need arises, such as health care aid, etc.
It does not have to be own a home or go into an expensive assisted living home. Look around carefully for housing in the climate you want and dont be too rigid on exactly what city. There are many types and costs.
Thank you for giving me something to think about, that truly had not crossed my mind!
Sorry, but I want my kids and grandkids in our life and it's pretty obvious you either don't have any or just don't care whether you see them or not.
You are totally wrong. We have kids and we see them. We share a house with our older daughter, her kids and husband. We live separately since the house is divided and we each have our own kitchens, laundry, etc. Our younger daughter just flew across country for an extended weekend visit on my wife's 70th birthday.
You are the one complaining about kids and grandkids who will not visit. You might want to think about the reasons beyond just calling them selfish. I do think our kids need their space. As parents, we spend a great deal of time and effort to launch them into the world so they can lead their own lives, follow their own dreams and succeed. If you are expecting them to stop by to change light bulbs, I think you need to make better arrangements. Based on your complaints it seems like a lot more is involved. If you are not already doing so, I recommend pursuing your own interests, activities and passions. Not only do those pursuits keep us active and learning and achieving goals, but those pursuits set an example for our kids and grandkids. By retirement, we have a lifetime of learning and experience. We should be capable of doing things that impress, stimulate and set examples for our kids. In addition, often they want to be around us because they become interested and want to participate and share.
I remember being the same way around my parents when I was an adult. A few hours sitting around the house was boring but we drove or flew across country to share activities such as camping, fishing, travel, and just plain visiting museums and the like. My wife is doing the same with the grandkids. Even though they live next door, it seems we do not see them as often as we would like. Tomorrow my wife is taking them to a performance of the Nutcracker. Both of them love those sorts of performances.
If you want your kids and grandkids in your life, buying a car or passing out money is not likely to work. You seem to be set in calling them selfish and have developed a lot of resentment. I am suggesting that if you want the situation to change, you need to change.
You posted your concerns on the internet. I assume that means you are looking for some recommendations or advice. I tried and for my effort , I got back "you again". Yup, there could be reasons none of the kids want to visit.
You should follow the sun----not just for the actual comfort of living in a warmer clime, but also because it attracts older folks, which means more potential friends and activities...and senior services.
Sounds like your kids are like many who just can't be bothered---too busy doing their own thing. But I do have to ask---have you attempted to get together with your daughter on a regular basis? Does she have a standing invite to visit you (I wouldn't think a daughter would really need this, but some people are more formal than others)? Have you suggested getting together?
They know they do not need to call ahead, It's an open door here, welcome always. One Saturday during early summer, our daughter and us spent a whole day thrifting and looking for things we could upcycle. She was moving in a new house and we both love recycling furniture. Had a great time and she said how much she missed doing these things with us. Well, I have seen her once since then and that was because we went there to check out the house after she moved in. I recovered chair bottoms, hung pictures and then was asked if I could bring their laundry home and do it for her, which I did, all 9 loads. Took them 2 weeks to come and pick it up and that was the just a stop, pick up and go moment.
Seems they only want us when they need something, and outside of that, we are totally forgotten.
That is a very legitimate question and one you rightfully should be considering. One of the key questions when contemplating transplanting in retirement is sustainability. You have answered that question and the answer for Myrtle Beach is not so much.
Do you really want to be 80 less able vulnerable and have to plan your next move? Are you better off encompassing future needs into your current decision?
I mainly want to enjoy the rest of my life. I want to be happy. This will be our final destination move. I will not be making a move at 80. If I die in my house all alone, then so be it, but hopefully, it would have been a blast for 16 years before that!
I think you should concentrate more on "the things to do" rather than the climate. When you find your place to be involved, have friends, and get out of yourself, climate will not matter that much. JMHO
I disagree. Cold matters, it affects nearly everything a person does.
OP....You and your husband should take the leap....it sounds like you want to and you deserve to be comfortable.
I disagree with all of your posts to this OP. I don't feel she is selfish, just stating the facts that her daughter and young adult granddaughters don't stop by very often, even when in the neighborhood. I also happen to feel that children have some obligation to the welfare of their parents when there is no estrangement involved. However, the generations behind ours are so different, more standoffish and not warm. I speak from experience and I am not alone in this regard. I can relate to the OP.
When we made the big move away from family and all that we had known, I completely underestimated the amount of work and expense that moving involves. That's my only practical suggestion to consider. Dependence of any kind on relatives is probably not something any of us should count on or expect.
When we made the big move away from family and all that we had known, I completely underestimated the amount of work and expense that moving involves. That's my only practical suggestion to consider. Dependence of any kind on relatives is probably not something any of us should count on or expect.
My last move was over six years ago. I remember what it took out of me. I was exhausted and didn't start to feel like "myself" for about a month. The day I moved was a very hot day in September. I thankfully have central a/c in my apartment. And of course the boxes! All over the place. All needing to be unpacked and put away. Getting the necessities set up for the first day/night in my apartment. Coffee pot, cups, coffee. Putting sheets on the bed. Towels, soap, shampoo, toilet paper in the bathroom. And it's a job you have to do or be miserable later on.
It took me a while to adjust to my new home. All of us who moved in around the same time were older, and it took us all a little time to meet one another.
As far as having my kids help me, well that just didn't happen. If anything, I have helped my kids. No, I am not bragging or patting myself on the back. I've just always felt that hey, I'm the mother. If my kids need me, I'm there.
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