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My wife and I have been happily married for 20 years as of this August. We have three terrific children.
We lived together for two and a half years before marrying.
I'm not under the illusion that my marital success is the result of some external 'blessing'. In part, we've worked hard and done right things (I don't say 'the right things' because there are numerous ways to do things such as a marriage 'right'). And in part, we've been lucky.
Sex is natural, pleasureable, and can enhance the human pair-bond. To refrain from having sex because an ancient book demands it is, frankly, absurd. I would advise people to work directly on their marriage, and not follow some bronze-age checklist in the hopes that some invisible-but-approving entity will sprinkle magical pixie dust on their union.
As an aside, our children we all born after we were married (the first two were born over a year after our wedding date, for those who must know the details of the timing).
That was lovely. Your children would have been a blessing at any time, even before marriage.
I do not think your line of questioning will "seek out the works of God" at all.
The questions are biased and loaded. You want people who did not partake in pre-marital sex to vote how blessed they feel for their life decision. Meanwhile, you want those who did partake in premarital sex to vote that they have suffered ramifications (I assume, more about painting them as having suffered God's wrath....
I would like to hear from those who have abstained from sex till after their marriage and if God has blessed you with children and a long and happy marriage.
Having held the hands of friends who have found out they will never have biological children...I've long found that attitude to be thoughtless and hurtful towards those who cannot have children. It's so presumptive. Stay a virgin. Get married. Have children. God will bless you! Umm... no. Not everyone gets that blessing. And yet it remains the gold standard for a "good" Christian marriage. Is God withholding His blessings if someone has a low sperm count?
Strangely, you only offered two diagonal choices instead of all four choices in the matrix. It makes it seems like you didn't mean what you said about seeking out the works of God in both instances, since your poll seems to be interested only in the good news stemming from abstinence and not the cases where abstinence had non-positive consequences, and interested only in the bad news stemming from lack of abstinence and not the cases where lack of abstinence non-negative consequences.
Not only that, but it's an inherently unanswerable question; the most it can elicit is unsubstantiated anecdotes.
If hypothetically I abstained from premarital sex and had a great marriage and lovely family, that would prove nothing at all about any positive outcomes from abstinence. It would be an association, possibly a meaningless one -- not a cause.
If, as it actually the case, I abstained from premarital sex and had a hideous marriage that ended in divorce, that proved nothing at all about any negative outcomes from abstinence. It is association, not a cause.
Indeed, the whole question assumes that benefits or harms could only have had to do with this one aspect of human conduct.
Not only that, but it's an inherently unanswerable question; the most it can elicit is unsubstantiated anecdotes.
If hypothetically I abstained from premarital sex and had a great marriage and lovely family, that would prove nothing at all about any positive outcomes from abstinence. It would be an association, possibly a meaningless one -- not a cause.
If, as it actually the case, I abstained from premarital sex and had a hideous marriage that ended in divorce, that proved nothing at all about any negative outcomes from abstinence. It is association, not a cause.
Indeed, the whole question assumes that benefits or harms could only have had to do with this one aspect of human conduct.
Hey now, don't knock the Post Hoc, ergo Propter Hoc fallacy. Where would religion be without it?
Has God blessed you for abstinence after your marriage commitment?
Your poll options are odd. My suggestion would have been:
Yes I abstained until marriage and I believe I have benefited. (Please elaborate in the comments.)
Yes I abstained until marriage but don't think there is a benefit and/or I regret doing so. (Please elaborate in the comments.)
No I did not abstain until marriage and I believe I benefited from not doing so. (Please elaborate in the comments.)
No I did not abstain until marriage but don't think there is a benefit and/or I regret it. (Please elaborate in the comments.)
The best way I can illustrate is my own family.
My wife and I were virgins when we married and have been happily married for about 15 years now. Neither of us has ever divorced obviously.
I have four older sisters who are in the same boat: They and their husbands were all virgins when they got married. None have divorced and everyone is still going strong on their first marriage.
My parents did the same thing and are still married after 50 years.
My mother has four brothers and it's exactly the same story. Everyone waited until marriage and everybody is still on their first marriage and quite happy.
My grandparents on both sides did the same thing with the same results.
My father has two brothers. The youngest did the same thing and is still happily married. The older one slept around before marriage and he's currently on his fifth marriage.
That is our experience. It surely doesn't feel like coincidence that a high rate of success in marriage has resulted from waiting, especially when the only outlier in the family has been a miserable failure at marriage. This doesn't mean I believe that you are doomed to fail at marriage if you don't wait, nor does it mean you're guaranteed success if you do wait. Abstaining from sex until marriage is just one of those things that you can do to increase your chances of staying married. In our current climate of rampant divorce, anything one can do to increase the chances for of survival for your marriage seems like a good idea to me.
The University of Virginia did a study on abstinence. Here are eight conclusions from their study:
Quote:
1. Sexual abstinence before marriage is typically associated with better physical and psychological health among American adolescents and adults.
2. Abstinence before marriage fosters a healthy and happy family life for children, adolescents, adults, and society as a whole.
3. Adolescents who abstain from sex before marriage are significantly less likely to become enmeshed in a “problem behavior syndrome” characterized by a range of antisocial behaviors—from drinking to academic failure.
4. The physical and psychological effects of abstinence are gendered, with females benefiting most from premarital abstinence.
5. Adolescents who engage in sex well before the median age of their peers (that is, who engage in sex at age 15 or earlier) are especially likely to experience a teenage pregnancy, an STI, psychological problems, poor academic performance, and delinquency.
6. On a number of outcomes, premarital sex appears to harm only a minority of the population of sexually active adolescents and adults. Nevertheless, given the range of harms associated with premarital sex, it seems likely that a majority of adolescents and adults (particularly females) who engage in premarital sex will experience at least one type of physical, psychological, social, or marital harm as a consequence of engaging in premarital sex.
7. Private efforts to promote abstinence have succeeded in changing adolescent sexual behavior.
8. Based on the research to date, the effects of public efforts to promote abstinence through abstinence education are unclear.
9. Abstinence before marriage is linked to stronger and more satisfying families, according to a growing body of research. Specifically, adolescents and adults who abstain from sex before marriage are more likely to enjoy better family relationships, and are also more likely to provide a good family life to any children that they bring into the world.
Am I going to credit God for blessing my marriage? I don't know, I guess. I don't think you can have an intelligent conversation about abstinence before marriage if you're dividing the discussion on religious vs non-religious lines from the outset. The real question is: Are you better off if you abstain before marriage?
There are atheists who abstain. There are devout Christians who had a lot of premarital sex.
On a number of outcomes, premarital sex appears to harm only a minority of the population of sexually active adolescents and adults. Nevertheless, given the range of harms associated with premarital sex, it seems likely that a majority of adolescents and adults (particularly females) who engage in premarital sex will experience at least one type of physical, psychological, social, or marital harm as a consequence of engaging in premarital sex.
Copied and pasted from the study, so don't blame me.
I had to read it through a couple times to make sense out of it. What they're saying is that there are lots of "types of physical, psychological, social, or marital harm as a consequence of engaging in premarital sex." Your chances of being affected by any one of them is low, but because there are so many of them, the majority of those engaging in premarital sex will experience one or more of those bad consequences.
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That was lovely. Your children would have been a blessing at any time, even before marriage. 
nyuk nyuk nyuk
