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Be careful. Unwanted advances has been known to be an issue.
Today? Nope for on the job dating.
Agreed- I have ZERO interest in dating at work, ZERO interest in dating anyone in my line of work outside of my company and ZERO interest in particular in two women, in my line of work outside of my company, who seem to want romance.
I've acted towards those two women--and all co-workers and other industry contacts--in what I think is a professional manner, never showing interest, but being friendly and helpful (I think). But they seem to want romance. I don't. I want to avoid anyone at work ever thinking that I'm "interested"; I'm not!
Agreed- I have ZERO interest in dating at work, ZERO interest in dating anyone in my line of work outside of my company and ZERO interest in particular in two women, in my line of work outside of my company, who seem to want romance.
I've acted towards those two women--and all co-workers and other industry contacts--in what I think is a professional manner, never showing interest, but being friendly and helpful (I think). But they seem to want romance. I don't. I want to avoid anyone at work ever thinking that I'm "interested"; I'm not!
Remember, communication takes two: one to speak and the other to hear. Both sides of a conversation can choose to misunderstand. Be careful about assumptions...they are colored by your personal beliefs and you can mislead yourself all by yourself. You can only control yourself OP, not the other person. Also remember that relationships are usually not defined by one single event. A careless gesture or inflection can be corrected by the next. A pattern of behavior over time tends to be more important. Educate yourself about workplace conduct...read your employer's discrimination, harassment, and even hostile workplace policies...hopefully in this day and age they exist. They often include very valuable tips about how to recognize and avoid all three.
Remember, communication takes two: one to speak and the other to hear. Both sides of a conversation can choose to misunderstand. Be careful about assumptions...they are colored by your personal beliefs and you can mislead yourself all by yourself. You can only control yourself OP, not the other person. Also remember that relationships are usually not defined by one single event. A careless gesture or inflection can be corrected by the next. A pattern of behavior over time tends to be more important. Educate yourself about workplace conduct...read your employer's discrimination, harassment, and even hostile workplace policies...hopefully in this day and age they exist. They often include very valuable tips about how to recognize and avoid all three.
Thanks. I am the receiving end of someone else’s attempts to have romance. (They keep giving unwanted gifts, keep wanting to have 1-on-1 meetings, keep wanting to do lunch and even have referred to us as having a relationship.) I don’t want that. If anything, I’m the person who is being harassed. I have stopped all contact with the latest person but she keeps emailing me.
Thanks. I am the receiving end of someone else’s attempts to have romance. (They keep giving unwanted gifts, keep wanting to have 1-on-1 meetings, keep wanting to do lunch and even have referred to us as having a relationship.) I don’t want that. If anything, I’m the person who is being harassed. I have stopped all contact with the latest person but she keeps emailing me.
Ignore everything but work related topics. Keep it impersonally civil. Don't engage and make it clear you aren't interested. If she continues, take it to HR. Her behavior is not appropriate.
"treated"? Do you mean engage with? I'd say that we all engage with different people differently - e.g. executive management vs. your staff, clients vs. internal team members, your family vs. strangers, etc. And of course, men vs. women. This is in regards to properness, politeness, formality, etc.
As for treating them differently? I'm not sure you need to do that. I wouldn't hesitate to meet with a woman 1-on-1 in a business setting. Certainly I'm not going to suggest a romantic restaurant for a business discussion - but I wouldn't do that with a man either....
If you're not sending a message - then none can be received. Albeit that doesn't mean someone can't still be interested. You can just ignore her messages, or if it gets less subtle (e.g. her inviting YOU to a romantic restaurant for a "business discussion") you can address it by suggesting an alternate location.
Yes, this is the kind of thing that can trip people up. If you're a man and you are so careful to not meet with a woman 1 on 1 but do so with men then men are going to have a much different kind of relationship with you in terms of what information you likely share with them and the depth of the relationship. That can lead to favoring men simply because you didn't interact with women that way. I'm not saying YOU do this, but many men operate this way almost piously and they are doing women a disservice though they feel they "won't get into trouble" that way. Now, in terms of coworkers, who cares - but if you're my manager, I don't want to be left out of things that could further my career.
Just like men who do business on the golf course (or in the "bad old days" strip clubs). Under whatever circumstances where few women would be included - that means....YOU'RE NOT BEING INCLUSIVE!
So it takes some perspective and planning to be sure you're taking actions that put others at a disadvantage. Obviously I've given really basic examples here and it extends far beyond this to other situations...
Be careful. Unwanted advances has been known to be an issue.
You have to be very careful how you reply to something that could be misinterpreted, even though it obviously wasn’t meant to be.
e.g. a woman hailed my taxi outside an office building in central London, and said, “I’ve some boxes to pick up at the rear, could you drive through the arch and take me from behind?”
I winced, but just nodded and kept my trap shut.
Yes, this is the kind of thing that can trip people up. If you're a man and you are so careful to not meet with a woman 1 on 1 but do so with men then men are going to have a much different kind of relationship with you in terms of what information you likely share with them and the depth of the relationship. That can lead to favoring men simply because you didn't interact with women that way. I'm not saying YOU do this, but many men operate this way almost piously and they are doing women a disservice though they feel they "won't get into trouble" that way. Now, in terms of coworkers, who cares - but if you're my manager, I don't want to be left out of things that could further my career.
Just like men who do business on the golf course (or in the "bad old days" strip clubs). Under whatever circumstances where few women would be included - that means....YOU'RE NOT BEING INCLUSIVE!
So it takes some perspective and planning to be sure you're taking actions that put others at a disadvantage. Obviously I've given really basic examples here and it extends far beyond this to other situations...
Yes, and in my case, I am a guy, and I've never ever been accused (even in friendly conversation) of being too aggressive in pursuing someone. Conversely I've been pursued by several women whose advances I definitely did not and do not want.
One was at the gym and two were in work settings. Even my coworkers began commenting how obvious they were and how inappropriate it was, since I never had any interest in either of them; one co-worker (in HR) even mentioned that I didn't seem to have done anything to egg the first woman on (and that co-worker is unaware of the second).
Women can harass just as much as men can, and it's not acceptable either way.
I’m a single, straight guy and work in a field in which maintaining ties with others in my industry, and building relationships with customers, is important.
I always thought that I treated men and women exactly the same. Pure business, or so I thought. Yet I’ve had now two situations in which women outside of my company clearly have wanted romance. One was a customer and one was a senior employee at another company.
Do you or should you treat someone of the opposite gender differently in work situations? For example, if you’re a woman, do you meet other women 1-on-1 but refuse to meet men 1-on-1? Do you give business gifts only to people of the same gender as you?
I feel stuck, as I want to be sure to treat everyone equally. But if women get a message that there could be romance, even though I think I’m being professional only, I clearly need to re-think my ways.
Thanks.
I think it's natural to treat the opposite gender differently. It's biology.
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