Relocating with a Fickle Spouse. (interviews, employer, job, salary)
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I'll get fed-up with my current employer and start looking for a new job and/or new environment.
My spouse will fully support my job searches, interviews and trips for facility tours.
She encourages and supports my efforts, sometimes will even travel with me, when I go on onsite interviews.
She seems to get excited when I actually receive an offer.
Then when the day comes to accept an offer that would cause us to relocate, she does a 180 and becomes the most unsupportive person in my world.
She is always fully involved in where I look for a job and always initially approves of the location.
She is always involved in figuring out the "costs" of moving and investigating the possible housing market.
But once it becomes "real" she flips and becomes a different person.
Where we live, my profession and my age all make it difficult to locate appropriate and interesting work easily, so I am usually forced to look outside my immediate area.
If I settle for the job I have, my life is miserable. If I force the issue and relocate, my life will be uncomfortable for us both.
I can kind of understand her view, "It's exciting, awesome new place, the new places to visit, things to do and..."
"OH wait, I like it here, my friends! The movie house, my favorite coffee spot....ohhhhnnnoooo"
It's like Louis L'Amour wrote, when people traveled away from the city, the horizon seemed to burst wide open. It's that "openness" that actually scared many back to the cities.
This. It sounds like she gets scared and struggles with change. Does she have anxiety issues? Is her family local? Can she make new friends?
Yes she has always had an issue with change. And it makes no sense. She has never met a stranger, and neither of us have any close family.
It is not just the hesitation to move but also any big change. I just can't understand why she is always 110% on board before the job offer. It's almost like the thought of change is exciting, but the actual change is too much.
Yes she has always had an issue with change. And it makes no sense. She has never met a stranger, and neither of us have any close family.
It is not just the hesitation to move but also any big change. I just can't understand why she is always 110% on board before the job offer. It's almost like the thought of change is exciting, but the actual change is too much.
Have you tried talking about this with her? Have you explained that the job you want has, for example, a better salary and promotion potential?
Does she work? If so, it would mean that she would have to change jobs.
If you are the sole earner, then you could tell her that you're looking to the future and that a better paying job means you can put more aside for retirement. Depending on your age group, she may have never even given a thought as to what would happen in retirement.
Maybe you both could sit down with a counselor and discuss this issue...
Yes she has always had an issue with change. And it makes no sense. She has never met a stranger, and neither of us have any close family.
It is not just the hesitation to move but also any big change. I just can't understand why she is always 110% on board before the job offer. It's almost like the thought of change is exciting, but the actual change is too much.
I went through this also so I finally said, I am moving, I hope you join me, but it is time for me move on. The only way we could resolve the cold feet issue was to live alone for a few months and then come to understand that the fears were baseless and only fear of the unknown. When the pain of staying becomes more than the fear of moving on it will work out as it should.
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