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It sounds like YOU are the fickle spouse. How often do you get fed up with your work and want to move?
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If I settle for the job I have, my life is miserable. If I force the issue and relocate, my life will be uncomfortable for us both.
I would ignore her unsupportive attitude and proceed to relocate you both to the new job. She will adjust. If she doesn't, she can seek professional counseling because she needs it based on what you describe. She is sabotaging your career.
A friend of mine was on the faculty at a small college that was closing his department. He knew this and was going to be out of a job soon enough. Teaching was their only source of income and he had no other marketable skills other than teaching. He looked for a job all over the US, and she continue to protest that she wanted to stay where they were. That wasn't an option, he would be out of work and have no income. He told me about the situation at the time, and he had no other options than taking another college teaching job elsewhere. He found one in time before they closed his department and they made an offer. His wife continued to say she didn't want to move. He took the job, and she came with him. She adjusted to the situation, and so did their kids who loved in the new area.
People who suffer from things like depression and anxiety don't have an explanation of why they do things, and manufacture a false cause for their actions to explain it. She needs professional help, because she is sabotaging their happinesses. Work and life is hard enough, but to have a spouse constantly stand in your way like this is toxic.
I can kind of understand her view, "It's exciting, awesome new place, the new places to visit, things to do and..."
"OH wait, I like it here, my friends! The movie house, my favorite coffee spot....ohhhhnnnoooo"
It's like Louis L'Amour wrote, when people traveled away from the city, the horizon seemed to burst wide open. It's that "openness" that actually scared many back to the cities.
I've moved many times to different states and cities for a new job in the US. There is nothing to get excited about cause all the American towns have pretty much the same thing no matter where you go.
Then people get on forums and complain about their employer and where they live, and do nothing about it because they are scared of their own shadow. But they write like there is an external force working against them and stopping them from being really happy, and it is by their own doing.
I'll get fed-up with my current employer and start looking for a new job and/or new environment.
My spouse will fully support my job searches, interviews and trips for facility tours.
She encourages and supports my efforts, sometimes will even travel with me, when I go on onsite interviews.
She seems to get excited when I actually receive an offer.
Then when the day comes to accept an offer that would cause us to relocate, she does a 180 and becomes the most unsupportive person in my world.
She is always fully involved in where I look for a job and always initially approves of the location.
She is always involved in figuring out the "costs" of moving and investigating the possible housing market.
But once it becomes "real" she flips and becomes a different person.
Where we live, my profession and my age all make it difficult to locate appropriate and interesting work easily, so I am usually forced to look outside my immediate area.
If I settle for the job I have, my life is miserable. If I force the issue and relocate, my life will be uncomfortable for us both.
How have you handled situations like this?
My s/o gets frozen with moving. We even did a trip to decide if he will make offer on a home. Our place is sold (grant deed last to be signed and I swear if he pulls something) says he hates the weather where we are and is sick of the place he renovated bla bla -- but he is still here. He got an extension for escrow. We could be out of this horrible Vegas heat today. I don't understand. All of our stuff is very organized to move. I honestly think he needs an anxiety medication. But he won't take a med. I have no respect for this behavior.
It makes my stomach in knots his bizarre uncertainty. His last Second Movements in life are painful.
Your wife is what they call a reservationist. Different from him but still in same boat. She loves to make reservations but not go to eat.
I won't be with him for much longer.
I've moved many times to different states and cities for a new job in the US. There is nothing to get excited about cause all the American towns have pretty much the same thing no matter where you go.
Then people get on forums and complain about their employer and where they live, and do nothing about it because they are scared of their own shadow. But they write like there is an external force working against them and stopping them from being really happy, and it is by their own doing.
Gloria is dropping jewels.
Oops it says friend of Gloria.
I'm not sure you have correctly identified the location of the problem.
You tell us that you have a pattern of getting a job, working there for some time (years, I assume), and then deciding that you are "fed up" and need to move.
When this happens you expect your wife to uproot herself from her community, friends, connections, and go where you want to move.
How many times is it reasonable to do this?
If someone is "fickle" here it might be the OP.
The actual problem may be insufficient appreciation for the fact that there are two people in this marriage who need to have a say in what their lives will be like.
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