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This. It sounds like she gets scared and struggles with change. Does she have anxiety issues? Is her family local? Can she make new friends?
And not surprising. It sounds like OP does this every few years? It must be exhausting for her, if she's had to uproot her life, her job (if she has one?), her friends, activities, pack up the house and move, then re-plant herself somewhere new, several times, all because a spouse gets bored and wants to move.
Take a job and move. Try it for a year. Visit each other in between.
i know lots of couples who have done this for extended periods of time, for a variety of reasons. One stays back to finish school. One moves with a job and the other stays back while the kids finish school sometimes for 3 or 4 years. One moves ahead to see how they like the new locale and the new job. One stays behind to get the house in order and sell the house. One boss i had moved to his new job and to be close to one of the kids in graduate school. He also checked out different areas, began looking at houses, and when the wife came to visit he showed her houses and neighborhoods. Some people have quite frankly said being apart has saved their marriage, because resentment builds and festers if one person in the couple feels they have "given up" something big for the other, like a job, or repeated jobs if the spouse declines to move. the time apart also lets them think about the relationship and whether they want to stay together and how they might find ways to make things work including not living in the same town for time. ultimately each person decides what is important for them in their life.
And not surprising. It sounds like OP does this every few years? It must be exhausting for her, if she's had to uproot her life, her job (if she has one?), her friends, activities, pack up the house and move, then re-plant herself somewhere new, several times, all because a spouse gets bored and wants to move.
To me, it didn't seem clear if he actually makes the move or gives into her not wanting to move?
Be a man and tell her IT'S MY WAY OR THE HIGHWAY!!!
Kidding, of course.
Lots of people struggle with change. I see it every so often at work when a policy or software changes, people seem to lose their minds. And the "big stuff" like a company being sold have sent people over the edge.
I think the best course of action, if this is indeed your only choice, would be to start handling more of these things yourself. Get the house squared away, figure out schools (if applicable), get a budget in place for the move, etc. etc. and that should help to alleviate some of her anxiety. Moving is one of the most stressful things someone can do in life, the more responsibility you take on, the less anxious she will be.
I'm also dealing with a fickle spouse, but from a different angle.
For the last couple of years, my husband has been insisting we need to move, but keeps changing his mind about where he HAS to live. Santa Barbara! Oregon! Duck Creek, Utah! Humboldt County! He finds an online listing for a house, and wants to buy it immediately. I tell him we have to visit it first, and check out the area. And maybe Duck Creek isn't really where we'd want to live... So I'm the bad guy, the dream killer. It's exhausting.
We're currently in Tucson because he'd always dreamed of living in Arizona, and he found a beautiful property the first week we were there. In January. We've been there 2.5 years.
It's too freaking hot in the summer. And there's snakes.
So I agree that we should move, but I want to visit, and rent a while before buying. I don't want a repeat of Tucson. Plus we've done two huge, get-rid-of-everything moves (to Hawaii and back; that was my idea) since 2005, and I don't want to give up all my stuff AGAIN.
Solution? We're on a road trip right now, visiting possible new locations. I think he's lost interest in Duck Creek (yay!), and seems less interested in Humboldt. Heading into Oregon today. I have high hopes for Oregon. And I'm enjoying the trip.
Maybe having less stuff will make all the future moves more palatable
My mother uses a concierge moving service. They take pictures of every item in your house. Right down to the toilet brush and that old pair of shoes in the garage. They then take pictures of your empty new house and they digitally place everything you own in your new place. You put a red X through anything that you don't want to take with you and they make arrangements for it to be donated or dumped.
I wanted to move to Prescott, AZ in '12 but wife wouldn't go. All our family is gone now and with exception of professional colleagues and church friends, there is no need to stay here. What is funny is that my family has been here for over 100 years but she only came with we married in '74. Anyway, to keep peace, we stayed. Too late to move now as prices are high there now ( at that time, the recession still had kept prices lower ) . Oh well.......
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