single in Asheville (Charlotte, Raleigh, Washington: employment, school, college) - Western North Carolina - North Carolina (NC) -The Mountain Region including Asheville - City-Data Forum

alumno · 08-28-2009, 03:58 PM

Hello! I have a job offer in Asheville which I am strongly considering. I recently visited the area and greatly enjoyed my stay.

Could you please offer some very honest insight into the dating scene in the area. Should I be nervous about having a limited number of single women to meet? PLEASE share your insight and experience as this will significantly impact my decision. Thank you!

(I am a 30-something male)

dhanu86 · 08-28-2009, 05:36 PM

Hey, I'm not from NC but go there a lot to western NC and my uncles go to the clubs where they do karaoke, or drink, play guitar etc. They've met a few women that way. But besides that I'd say just try to talk to women and be friendly, women there are relatively friendly there.

smkalmer · 08-28-2009, 06:59 PM

Your post caught my attention because I am in a similar situation and have similar reservations. It's a funny thing to be a factor in relocating, but it holds some value.

I have a great job offer in Asheville (I work in healthcare) and the only thing holding me back is the lack of young professionals in the area. It does seem to be dominated by the retired and the hippies (of which I am neither). I am tending to lean toward Charlotte or RTP since it offers more of a balance. If you come to any conclusions or new insight, let me know. I am willing to listen to anyone who could potentially change my mind.

InformationPlease · 09-01-2009, 04:21 AM

I'm from the area originally and have visited very frequently since moving away for college. I'm 30 and so all of my friends in the area around around that age. It is VERY difficult to meet young professionals.

My friends ARE the young professionals and it's sort of nearly-incestuous how they date. One breaks off with one, dates another, dates another, dates another, dates another... etc, etc, etc.

A lot of people here either marry young'ish as is a socially encouraged tradition or get married and return to the mountains to start their "adult" lives. That was always my plan... for many reasons including that I didn't want to trust finding a mate on such a small pool of eligible fellas.

Now, I'm sure that many people meet/marry here in their 30's... I'm just reflecting my friends' complaints in your direction. In your favor, I confirm there's at least one single 30 something in the area (my friend) dating pool! She's attractive, grad school educated (healthcare), fun as hell, kind, etc.

So, not great odds, but hey, finding her out of a less than a million people is better than the lottery, right?

PS, not a silly thing to consider at all. I'm a single 30 year old gal who is finally at a point in my life where I have time for a relationship and I turned down jobs because of the lack of social activity in the area. (not just dating, genuine social stuff...)

Good luck with your decision.

InformationPlease · 09-01-2009, 04:30 AM

Also, to the female poster, I know a few single 30-something guys too! Well, know of them, I haven't known them since growing up... had a chance to hang out with one of them a while back. Still very funny, kind, and polite!!

For what it's worth, out of all the guys I've ever known/dated/loved, etc... none charm me more than the mountain fellas who were born/raised here. Ironically, I've never even dated one... but I think I've held all of my other relationships up to that standard and really hoped to find those values in that partner.

It's the whole small town classy-ness. Compassion and respect for others, a sense of community and support, involvement, sense of humor, good work ethic but within the scope of enjoying life as a gift and not a chore, knows how to appreciate nature and relaxation, etc...

Oops, lost in a southern romance daydream. Someone bring me a lemonade and a paper fan and I'll go sit on the porch in my hoop skirt for a bit and ponder it all and what it means. Ha.

Good luck with your moves. You aren't alone in your fears!

pslamp32 · 09-01-2009, 11:58 AM

Depends on your taste in women really. There are tons of attractive cool young people in town, they might not be your style though. Far fewer urban styled folks here than a big city obviously. What I mean by that is the kind that get really decked out, wear lots of make-up, fancy hair-styles etc. I guess some would call them yuppies or hipsters. Most girls seem to be more natural here. That doesn't just include the bohemians or hippies. Sure there's all types including the big city types, just less here IMO. Most of this stuff is superficial anyways so I guess to answer your question....yes there appears to be a decent singles scene. Just don't expect any bumpin' meat market hang-outs, there aren't too many if any of those.

pslamp32 · 09-01-2009, 12:02 PM

Also, IMO 'dating' is relative just like everything else in life. Either you're good at it or not. I've got plenty of friends who are never lonely no matter where they live. They are just damn good at meeting 'dates'. If you're one of these types, you'll do fine here just like anywhere else...

JBPisgah · 01-06-2010, 01:39 PM

Your concerns are right on the mark. I lived in Asheville for five years in my 30's and it's a very challenging place to be single for many reasons: There are extremely few professionals here and consequently few single professionals. Most of the singles are in their 20's and the rare 30-something singles are too few to form an older singles scene. Actually, forget about whether they are professionals--single 30-somethings of any kind are way underrepresented. You probably will not be dating true locals because their culture is (likely) quite different than yours. On the other hand, most people who move here are moving from cities and don't come here with the idea of lowering their city standards; quite the opposite, they come here to have it all. I've known a few people who have found someone, fallen in love, and now have it all. I've also known a number of folks who have made a questionable trade off: single and living in AVL, vs. married somewhere else. The sad thing is, this choice sneaks up on you.

mtneer · 01-06-2010, 05:30 PM

I've been researching Asheville too. It appears to me its mostly a hippie/granola town with a fairly large active gay and especially lesbian community for a Southern town. So if you are not part of that crowd your opportunities may be limited there. I've been in same boat for years just turned 40 still single. I never had a problem dating when I lived in TN but in AZ forget it because you have to have money, look a certain way and be under 30 to find anyone out here. I've also come to the conclusion that Generation X'ers like myself are just a small generation as I rarely even run into anyone in their 30's or 40's. I have not even one 40 yr old friend though I have a couple that are 34 and 36.

Craigslist personals is actually a good investigative tool for checking out the dating scene for an area. Just an FYI.

NC_Paddler · 01-06-2010, 07:56 PM

Asheville is certainly not Washington DC or Atlanta or NYC -- or even Raleigh or Charlotte -- so from a sheer numbers perspective, there simply aren't as many single women. Asheville has a population of only about 75,000, and there aren't many heavily populated areas nearby. So that's one strike against you.

On the other hand, I have seen some of the most beautiful women I've ever encountered here in Asheville, so it depends on your "type". The next time you visit, go to Greenlife and people watch in the cafe for about an hour or so; you'll see all types.

Personally, you couldn't pay me enough to date the high maintenance, superficial, money grubbing, keep up with the Joneses type women you'll find in the suburbs of Atlanta, for example, despite their outer beauty (although you'll no doubt encounter some of that in Asheville as well, but just not to that extent). And of course I'm generalizing -- not all Atlanta women are like that, of course.

I'll take the down-to-earth, genuine, no makeup, girl next door to the hot cosmo babe with the big booobs every time . . . . not that I have anything against big booobs of course (had to throw in that qualification).

But that's just me.

Also, you might get a general idea of the kind of women you might meet by considering the type of employment in the area. If your job is in the health care field, you're likely to meet women in that field as well, given the prominence of the Mission Hospital system in the area. Same goes with government and non-profit work and the arts -- so think nurses/doctors and hospital technicians, social workers, artists/photographers, environmentalists, for example.

Finally, dating isn't just a numbers game. It only takes one.

Good luck.